The Death Of A Salesman

Good Morning my babies. Before we begin, a gianormous thanks to all of you for your thoughts and concerns. It's been a strange week, to say the least. One loss has rocked HRG to her groovy core, the other has brought about quiet celebration.

Today we'll talk about the loss. I've ranted and written over the past five years about bi-polar man. He was so very hard on me at work. To his credit, once his bullying behaviour was addressed, he tearfully apologized and tried harder not to be so hard on me. Most of the time he did ok. I understood him. It didn't always make it right, people wondered why I stayed, and truthfully, sometimes I wondered that myself. The ups were wonderful, and inside was a good man who came from very dysfunctional beginnings. Had that side of him not been shown, then I'd have left the store two years before it closed. Given all that, that his sudden death hit me so hard still has me scratching this groovy head (note to self, remembered to scratch both sides so the dents are even). Hearing the news, feeling the despair in Carole's voice as she told me..........

I'm glad our last meeting was a happy one. Breakfast, just the four of us, lots of laughter and catching up done. We had no issues between us, Joe and I. Nothing left unsaid, forgiveness asked and unhesitatingly given. He was an important part of my life. He was in turns my employer, my mentor and my friend. In a very strange way, it feels like my own father has died. I can't explain it really.

I'd like to share some words of wisdom with you:

"I think it makes sense. Sometimes we get wired up to people we work with or work for. Even though things were tough at times I think he respected you alot and, in your own way, you respected him as well. I think he set high standards for you and you will carry those with you always. It’s made you a better employee and an excellent manager. That’s alot of influence in it’s own subtle way. I know that if my first boss, Garth, were to leave us it would affect me alot. He set very high standards for me that I still carry as part of my work ethic to this day, and I have always respected him for having that much confidence in me. I suspect it is the same for you with Joe."

That's what TCB said. He's right.

I was asked to sing at Joe's memorial yesterday. It was what he'd wanted. It was SO hard, I cut the song short (in a way that no one would know. I had to stop before the tears came--I was wearing "waterproof" mascara and the flowers below were white. Black smudges just simply wouldn't do!) Afterwards, Carole hugged me so hard and said "Thank you, the song was perfect and it was the fitting end to the service. Joe would've been so happy and proud."

The song? Ain't No Sunshine. Performed a capella. TCB was supposed to sit in on bass, just adding subtle tones, but funny thing, suddenly there was no power going to the outlet where he'd plugged in. Yes, it had been tested before the service started. I guess Joe just wanted to hear me. I can live with that.

I'll miss him.

HRG