Merry Meet my babies, and Happy Halloween!
Today is a very important one in my belief system. Tonite, when the sun goes down, the darkness will come to life. It is our belief that on this nite the veil between the reality of the living and the dead becomes gauze like. Our worlds spill over, allowing a brief interaction. But be warned babies, not everyone who has passed on has moved on. If they were angry in life, they may still be angry in death. This is not a nite to be trifled with. Take care who you call upon. Talk to loved ones gone, they need to hear your voice as much as you need to hear theirs.
(STW--your nice lady will visit you tonite. Listen to what she is saying to you. It's an important message)
There has been much activity in this little love nest of ours. Shadows everywhere, the critters playing with someone we can't see, but know is there. Tonite they will be addressed, one by one. By the grace of my Goddess, their messages will be sent and they will move on. Honestly babies, HRG needs an uninterrupted nite's sleep. Soon.
I leave you all surrounded by a protective silver light. You will be safe from harm.
Blessed Be!
HRG
Friday, October 31, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
But Wait! There's More!!!
HRG's boil is still boiling my babies. For those who believe in their right to bear arms--please read the whole amendment. Hell, I'm Canadian for crying out loud, and even I know the whole thing reads "the right to bear arms in defense of country". So, would someone please explain why anyone would think it alright to put a gun in the hands of a child? For the life of me, I can't figure it out.
What follows is the news piece (msnbc.com) about this horrible crime of neglect. It reads like Christopher is responsible for his own death. Nevermind that he was only eight years. People are strange. Keep the matches and lighters on the fridge and out of sight, but put a gun, a really big and powerful one, in their hands. Hey, as long as daddy is there to steady him, it'll be alright. It's not a nice read, but it is a necessary one.
Here it is:
WESTFIELD, Mass. - An 8-year-old boy died after accidentally shooting himself in the head while firing an Uzi submachine gun under adult supervision at a gun fair. The boy lost control of the weapon while firing it Sunday at the Machine Gun Shoot and Firearms Expo at the Westfield Sportsman’s Club, police Lt. Lawrence Vallierpratte said. Police said the boy, Christopher Bizilj of Ashford, Conn., was with a certified instructor and called the death a “self-inflicted accidental shooting.”
“The weapon was loaded and ready to fire,” police Lt. Hipolito Nunez said. “The 8-year-old victim had the Uzi and as he was firing the weapon, the front end of the weapon went up with the backfire and he ended up receiving a round in his head.”
Christopher died at Baystate Medical Center.
The boy’s father and older brother were also there at the time, a gun club member and school official said. Francis Mitchell, a longtime member and trustee of the club, said he was told the boy’s father was supporting his son from behind when the shooting happened.
“My reaction is shock,” said Mitchell, who lives down the street from the club. “In the last five years, there has never been a problem or a bad accident. I’ve been sick all night.”
The father, Charles Bizilj, is the medical director of emergency medicine at Johnson Memorial Hospital, in Stafford Springs, C
Although the death appears to be an accident, police and the Hampden district attorney’s office were investigating, officials said.
It is legal for children to fire a weapon if they have permission from a parent or legal guardian and are supervised by a properly certified and licensed instructor, Lt. Hipolito Nunez said.
Those conditions were met in this case, he said. He declined to release the instructor’s name.
The event, run in conjunction with C.O.P Firearms and Training, said in an ad that people are allowed to fire weapons at vehicles, pumpkins and other targets at the event.The club said it would offer machine gun demonstrations and rentals and free handgun lessons.
“It’s all legal & fun — No permits or licenses required!!!!” reads the ad, posted on the club’s Web site.
Officials with the firearms group could not be reached for comment. Messages left on answering machines for the club and the C.O.P. group were not returned Monday. The sportsman’s club was founded in 1949 and describes itself on its Web site as promoting “the interest of legal sport with rod, gun, and bow and arrow, both directly and through training.” It has eight firing ranges as well as archery and fishing facilities located on 375 acres in Westfield, about 100 miles west of Boston.
_______________________________________________________________
Christopher died at Baystate Medical Center.
And absolutely no one will be held responsible.
HRG
What follows is the news piece (msnbc.com) about this horrible crime of neglect. It reads like Christopher is responsible for his own death. Nevermind that he was only eight years. People are strange. Keep the matches and lighters on the fridge and out of sight, but put a gun, a really big and powerful one, in their hands. Hey, as long as daddy is there to steady him, it'll be alright. It's not a nice read, but it is a necessary one.
Here it is:
WESTFIELD, Mass. - An 8-year-old boy died after accidentally shooting himself in the head while firing an Uzi submachine gun under adult supervision at a gun fair. The boy lost control of the weapon while firing it Sunday at the Machine Gun Shoot and Firearms Expo at the Westfield Sportsman’s Club, police Lt. Lawrence Vallierpratte said. Police said the boy, Christopher Bizilj of Ashford, Conn., was with a certified instructor and called the death a “self-inflicted accidental shooting.”
“The weapon was loaded and ready to fire,” police Lt. Hipolito Nunez said. “The 8-year-old victim had the Uzi and as he was firing the weapon, the front end of the weapon went up with the backfire and he ended up receiving a round in his head.”
Christopher died at Baystate Medical Center.
The boy’s father and older brother were also there at the time, a gun club member and school official said. Francis Mitchell, a longtime member and trustee of the club, said he was told the boy’s father was supporting his son from behind when the shooting happened.
“My reaction is shock,” said Mitchell, who lives down the street from the club. “In the last five years, there has never been a problem or a bad accident. I’ve been sick all night.”
The father, Charles Bizilj, is the medical director of emergency medicine at Johnson Memorial Hospital, in Stafford Springs, C
Although the death appears to be an accident, police and the Hampden district attorney’s office were investigating, officials said.
It is legal for children to fire a weapon if they have permission from a parent or legal guardian and are supervised by a properly certified and licensed instructor, Lt. Hipolito Nunez said.
Those conditions were met in this case, he said. He declined to release the instructor’s name.
The event, run in conjunction with C.O.P Firearms and Training, said in an ad that people are allowed to fire weapons at vehicles, pumpkins and other targets at the event.The club said it would offer machine gun demonstrations and rentals and free handgun lessons.
“It’s all legal & fun — No permits or licenses required!!!!” reads the ad, posted on the club’s Web site.
Officials with the firearms group could not be reached for comment. Messages left on answering machines for the club and the C.O.P. group were not returned Monday. The sportsman’s club was founded in 1949 and describes itself on its Web site as promoting “the interest of legal sport with rod, gun, and bow and arrow, both directly and through training.” It has eight firing ranges as well as archery and fishing facilities located on 375 acres in Westfield, about 100 miles west of Boston.
_______________________________________________________________
Christopher died at Baystate Medical Center.
And absolutely no one will be held responsible.
HRG
Parental Responsibility
Good morning babies. Well, for the parents of an 8 year old boy in Westfield, Mass. it's not a good morning at all.
Today let's talk about being responsible parents. As parents, as our children grow, we have responsibilities. We are responsible for feeding, housing, clothing, teaching our children right from wrong, to be respectful of others. We are not responsible for driving them everywhere they want to go whenever the mood strikes them, or buying them everything they want just because they want it. We are also responsible for teaching them to be responsible for themselves.
(yes, I realize I've used the word responsible many many times in the above paragraph, but bear with me, there's a point to all this)
I have to question the actions of everyone at a "fun fair" this past weekend. What the fuck were this EIGHT YEAR OLD's parents thinking? That it would be fun? That it would whet his appetite for guns?
Because apparently it's quite alright to put an UZI in the hands of a child. The gun weighs more than he most likely did. A "certified instructor" was on sight, a "certified instructor" put that weapon in the hands of an 8 year old. How could this asshole not realize that the recoil of said weapon would be enough to cause serious or fatal injuries?
The boy died. The weapon recoiled, went up and it was over the second the bullets HIT HIM IN THE HEAD. No chance at a childhood or life. And investigators are calling this a "self inflicted accident"????
It's neglect and it's murder.
Gotta love "responsible" parents..................
Sick bastards.
HRG
Today let's talk about being responsible parents. As parents, as our children grow, we have responsibilities. We are responsible for feeding, housing, clothing, teaching our children right from wrong, to be respectful of others. We are not responsible for driving them everywhere they want to go whenever the mood strikes them, or buying them everything they want just because they want it. We are also responsible for teaching them to be responsible for themselves.
(yes, I realize I've used the word responsible many many times in the above paragraph, but bear with me, there's a point to all this)
I have to question the actions of everyone at a "fun fair" this past weekend. What the fuck were this EIGHT YEAR OLD's parents thinking? That it would be fun? That it would whet his appetite for guns?
Because apparently it's quite alright to put an UZI in the hands of a child. The gun weighs more than he most likely did. A "certified instructor" was on sight, a "certified instructor" put that weapon in the hands of an 8 year old. How could this asshole not realize that the recoil of said weapon would be enough to cause serious or fatal injuries?
The boy died. The weapon recoiled, went up and it was over the second the bullets HIT HIM IN THE HEAD. No chance at a childhood or life. And investigators are calling this a "self inflicted accident"????
It's neglect and it's murder.
Gotta love "responsible" parents..................
Sick bastards.
HRG
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Mending After The Meltdown
Good morning babies! It's clear and cold and absolutely beautiful this morning. Yesterday was like that. The walk to work was, in short, breathtaking. TCB doesn't understand this, but HRG actually enjoys walking to work. It leaves me feeling energized and ready to face the day.
Things are better here. On the home front anyway. Work will only change when I take the necessary steps. We'll talk about that again closer to the end of the year.
Which is only 66 days away. You know, if you were counting.
TCB and I have dealt with the first major motion picture of our marriage. He fessed up, the truth was told (by him and others). Part of me wants to sit this woman down and have a little chat with her. Explain how things work. Just because she "woke up one morning and realized she didn't want to be a wife and mother anymore" doesn't mean she gets to set her sights on TCB. But you know babies, it's not up to me to handle things. It's up to TCB to tell her to back off. If she doesn't, then and only then will HRG unleash to wrath and fury of the neatly arched eyebrow. Guaranteed to get results. Instantly.
Thank you babies, for all the shoulders and ears. I try not to have to use them, but it's good know they're a phone call away. Even HRG stumbles from time to time. Thank you all for picking me up.
Despite the long day and because it was only a few blocks away from our little love nest, I went to a party last nite. A girl's nite out. No boys (except the dog and he's old and neutered.....insert joke here). The only person I knew was the birthday girl. The women there were absolutely terrific, it was comfortable and funny and I truly enjoyed myself.
Ooh and something really cool happened. I saw my very first not-in-a-zoo or sanctuary Owl. Standing on the back deck, I spotted a bunch of really cool birdhouses on a tree. Then the owl appeared. At first glance, it looked like one of those decoy owls to keep birds from nesting in that tree. Then it turned it's head and looked at me. It was a cool feeling. I can't quite explain it. We all saw it, watching it with amazement. The Owl was very aware of our presence, yet it didn't fly away. I'm still trying to digest it's meaning this morning, but the groovy in me knows it wasn't a bad thing. This Owl did not bring news of death. It just watched us, never making a sound. And then with barely a whisper, it disappeared in the blackness of the nite. It left me with a good, warm feeling.
Of course, that might've been the wine.......
HRG
Things are better here. On the home front anyway. Work will only change when I take the necessary steps. We'll talk about that again closer to the end of the year.
Which is only 66 days away. You know, if you were counting.
TCB and I have dealt with the first major motion picture of our marriage. He fessed up, the truth was told (by him and others). Part of me wants to sit this woman down and have a little chat with her. Explain how things work. Just because she "woke up one morning and realized she didn't want to be a wife and mother anymore" doesn't mean she gets to set her sights on TCB. But you know babies, it's not up to me to handle things. It's up to TCB to tell her to back off. If she doesn't, then and only then will HRG unleash to wrath and fury of the neatly arched eyebrow. Guaranteed to get results. Instantly.
Thank you babies, for all the shoulders and ears. I try not to have to use them, but it's good know they're a phone call away. Even HRG stumbles from time to time. Thank you all for picking me up.
Despite the long day and because it was only a few blocks away from our little love nest, I went to a party last nite. A girl's nite out. No boys (except the dog and he's old and neutered.....insert joke here). The only person I knew was the birthday girl. The women there were absolutely terrific, it was comfortable and funny and I truly enjoyed myself.
Ooh and something really cool happened. I saw my very first not-in-a-zoo or sanctuary Owl. Standing on the back deck, I spotted a bunch of really cool birdhouses on a tree. Then the owl appeared. At first glance, it looked like one of those decoy owls to keep birds from nesting in that tree. Then it turned it's head and looked at me. It was a cool feeling. I can't quite explain it. We all saw it, watching it with amazement. The Owl was very aware of our presence, yet it didn't fly away. I'm still trying to digest it's meaning this morning, but the groovy in me knows it wasn't a bad thing. This Owl did not bring news of death. It just watched us, never making a sound. And then with barely a whisper, it disappeared in the blackness of the nite. It left me with a good, warm feeling.
Of course, that might've been the wine.......
HRG
Sunday, October 19, 2008
What I Wanted To Write
......was a funny post about being tested by The Fates and passing with flying colors.
But my babies, I just can't find the funny in me these days.
I always try to be so positive about things, to find the humor in any situation, to let the shit roll off my back. But of course, me being me, I always quietly clean the shit up and not say anything about it.
My boss is a bully. And like every bully, he finds a target and will not let it rest. Once again he embarrassed me in front of my staff, pretty much pointing out that HRG is stupid and worthless. Ok, in all fairness he didn't call me worthless. It's not the first time he's called me stupid. His negativity and constant harping have me feeling sick to my stomach every single day. I can't sleep, my already small body gets smaller by the day and I see no way out.
Why stay then? Because I can't afford not to. TCB cannot cover the monthly bills here as well as his own debt load. There is a solution to that, but even he thinks I'm simply too stupid to be listened to.
Yesterday I asked him for a small favor. Something I couldn't do myself because I was AT WORK. Again.
He blew it off. I asked why, he said something about it never coming up. He had FOUR hours to ask, but couldn't be bothered. What does that say about his opinion of me?
All of this has me feeling like a complete and total failure. I can't do anything right. And I'm not worth going the extra distance for. TCB seems to have much more fun doing the music thing when I'm not there. Like when his jacket reeked of another's woman perfume after a nite out of playing. He tried to explain it as being hugged by someone we both know, but it wasn't her perfume. She doesn't wear or even like things that smell like jasmine. And everyone wonders why HRG has trust issues.
Ok babies, I'm going to stop right here. To go on will only seem like whining. As always, this is something I must go through alone.
It's probably better that way.
HRG
But my babies, I just can't find the funny in me these days.
I always try to be so positive about things, to find the humor in any situation, to let the shit roll off my back. But of course, me being me, I always quietly clean the shit up and not say anything about it.
My boss is a bully. And like every bully, he finds a target and will not let it rest. Once again he embarrassed me in front of my staff, pretty much pointing out that HRG is stupid and worthless. Ok, in all fairness he didn't call me worthless. It's not the first time he's called me stupid. His negativity and constant harping have me feeling sick to my stomach every single day. I can't sleep, my already small body gets smaller by the day and I see no way out.
Why stay then? Because I can't afford not to. TCB cannot cover the monthly bills here as well as his own debt load. There is a solution to that, but even he thinks I'm simply too stupid to be listened to.
Yesterday I asked him for a small favor. Something I couldn't do myself because I was AT WORK. Again.
He blew it off. I asked why, he said something about it never coming up. He had FOUR hours to ask, but couldn't be bothered. What does that say about his opinion of me?
All of this has me feeling like a complete and total failure. I can't do anything right. And I'm not worth going the extra distance for. TCB seems to have much more fun doing the music thing when I'm not there. Like when his jacket reeked of another's woman perfume after a nite out of playing. He tried to explain it as being hugged by someone we both know, but it wasn't her perfume. She doesn't wear or even like things that smell like jasmine. And everyone wonders why HRG has trust issues.
Ok babies, I'm going to stop right here. To go on will only seem like whining. As always, this is something I must go through alone.
It's probably better that way.
HRG
Monday, October 13, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving Day my babies! For all those who don't have the luxury of living here on Fantasy Island, let me tell you that the power went out last nite. At 5:40 p.m. Not a scattered outage either, the entire Island from midway down was without power for awhile. Ours was back on this morning when HRG opened her weary eyes. It was an odd thing, but you know, we're Canadians, we adapt.
Time passes by so quickly--it was a year ago that MM graced our doorsteps, that I hugged HB so hard I thought she might break in half. It's also been a year since someone we all know and love went into a pout. He should learn to stamp both his feet though--it's far more effective that way.
And it's been a year since we've eaten broccoli casserole. TCB can hardly wait. MM sent the recipe, forever endearing herself to him, and it will be served tonite. MM you saved our marriage!
Tomorrow is the "big" day here in the frozen north. It's the day we go to the polls and elect our new leader. It's pretty much a given that we'll elect the same leader we already have, but here's hoping he only gets a minority government. His racist, homophobic views DO NOT reflect those of the majority of Canadians. And I can't envision him dropping his drawers as quickly for Obama as he does for his Texan Twin.
My babies, there is more to say, and I have promised test results, but for now, HRG must get into the shower and get ready to face another work day.
I'm tired babies.
But there is broccoli casserole.
HRG
Time passes by so quickly--it was a year ago that MM graced our doorsteps, that I hugged HB so hard I thought she might break in half. It's also been a year since someone we all know and love went into a pout. He should learn to stamp both his feet though--it's far more effective that way.
And it's been a year since we've eaten broccoli casserole. TCB can hardly wait. MM sent the recipe, forever endearing herself to him, and it will be served tonite. MM you saved our marriage!
Tomorrow is the "big" day here in the frozen north. It's the day we go to the polls and elect our new leader. It's pretty much a given that we'll elect the same leader we already have, but here's hoping he only gets a minority government. His racist, homophobic views DO NOT reflect those of the majority of Canadians. And I can't envision him dropping his drawers as quickly for Obama as he does for his Texan Twin.
My babies, there is more to say, and I have promised test results, but for now, HRG must get into the shower and get ready to face another work day.
I'm tired babies.
But there is broccoli casserole.
HRG
Saturday, October 04, 2008
There's A New Hit Song
......and it's climbing the charts fast.
"Oops (if) I Did It Again" - OJ The Juice Simpson
HRG
"Oops (if) I Did It Again" - OJ The Juice Simpson
HRG
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Talking About Forgiveness
Good morning my babies. Working a rare nite shift gives HRG some time alone to swear at, er I mean, sit at, this keyboard for awhile.
Let's get a cup of coffee and settle in for a bit, shall we?
Last post made mention of some test results. You'll get them, but right now let's talk about something else. Something really difficult. Something easier said than done.
Let's talk about forgiveness. Specifically, about forgiving ourselves. Face it babies, not one of us is perfect. Not by a long shot. No one is. We strive to be the best possible people we can be, but perfection is an unattainable goal. We've all made our mistakes along the way. If we didn't make them, how would we ever learn anything?
And we make mistakes in relationships, things happen that we wish wish wish we could take back, change and make right. Sometimes we get the chance to make amends, to start it all over again. We're blessed when that happens. But sometimes we don't get that chance. The finality and fragility of life steps in and all the things you didn't say remain unsaid to anyone except yourself. Then Anger and Depression set up house. It can take a long time to evict the unwanted tenants. In the meantime, they can do much more damage than you realize. Until the damage is done.
Someone close to me just lost her remaining parent to a tragic accident. There were issues between them, as seems to be all too common with mothers and daughters. We spoke as her mother hovered, non-responsive with not much hope. JS was devastated, sobbing that there was so much she didn't say. I urged her to talk to her mother, to thank her for everything that was good, and to forgive her for everything that wasn't. I firmly believe that the waiting ones can hear, even if it doesn't seem they can. They're aware. She said she had and she was still talking to her. Then I told her to forgive herself. JS crumbled, sobbing that she couldn't.
She will eventually, with the help of those around her, learn how to take those tenuous steps to forgiving herself. Still, I can't help thinking how many of us continue to punish ourselves in one way or another for years over things that happened in the past. Even if the things were manipulated by others, or completely out of our control. We even put a label on this self-punishment. We call it Guilt. If only becomes your mantra.
Why is it so hard for us to let go? To forgive ourselves, accept that it happened, accept the consequences and move on. It feels like climbing Mount Everest would be easier doesn't it?
Hard as it is to believe babies, even HRG has made her share of mistakes. A couple of them were BIG ones. I beat myself up for years over pissing away a very good marriage. I was selfish, immature, drunk and angry. Not a good combination at all. Finally, on the day we signed our divorce papers, we were laughing over old jokes, the notary public asked if we were sure we should be getting a divorce. That's when Guilt kicked me in the stomach. Hard. It hurt. On the way out I apologized for everything I'd done, for hurting him the way I did, for...well...everything. He smiled and said he'd forgiven me a long time ago and that I needed to forgive myself now. What's done is done, he harbored no ill feelings anymore. Thank each other for everything that was good. Forgive each other for everything that wasn't.
It was time to move on. It was hard, but I did it. Funny thing, I felt better, more stable and less insecure.
When my own mother came to me in a very real, actually, surreal, situation, the final forgiveness happened. She kept stroking my hair, telling me she needed me to let her go and this gianormous ball of emotion was released. When I returned to this reality, it felt different. I felt different. Because I was. It was that moment that I ceased being angry. Oh, I still get mad about stuff, but I'm not angry anymore. It made me a better person.
Are you up to the challenge my babies? To forgive yourselves, abandon the excess baggage, and move on?
Life will seem brighter, happier and more stable.
I promise.
HRG
Let's get a cup of coffee and settle in for a bit, shall we?
Last post made mention of some test results. You'll get them, but right now let's talk about something else. Something really difficult. Something easier said than done.
Let's talk about forgiveness. Specifically, about forgiving ourselves. Face it babies, not one of us is perfect. Not by a long shot. No one is. We strive to be the best possible people we can be, but perfection is an unattainable goal. We've all made our mistakes along the way. If we didn't make them, how would we ever learn anything?
And we make mistakes in relationships, things happen that we wish wish wish we could take back, change and make right. Sometimes we get the chance to make amends, to start it all over again. We're blessed when that happens. But sometimes we don't get that chance. The finality and fragility of life steps in and all the things you didn't say remain unsaid to anyone except yourself. Then Anger and Depression set up house. It can take a long time to evict the unwanted tenants. In the meantime, they can do much more damage than you realize. Until the damage is done.
Someone close to me just lost her remaining parent to a tragic accident. There were issues between them, as seems to be all too common with mothers and daughters. We spoke as her mother hovered, non-responsive with not much hope. JS was devastated, sobbing that there was so much she didn't say. I urged her to talk to her mother, to thank her for everything that was good, and to forgive her for everything that wasn't. I firmly believe that the waiting ones can hear, even if it doesn't seem they can. They're aware. She said she had and she was still talking to her. Then I told her to forgive herself. JS crumbled, sobbing that she couldn't.
She will eventually, with the help of those around her, learn how to take those tenuous steps to forgiving herself. Still, I can't help thinking how many of us continue to punish ourselves in one way or another for years over things that happened in the past. Even if the things were manipulated by others, or completely out of our control. We even put a label on this self-punishment. We call it Guilt. If only becomes your mantra.
Why is it so hard for us to let go? To forgive ourselves, accept that it happened, accept the consequences and move on. It feels like climbing Mount Everest would be easier doesn't it?
Hard as it is to believe babies, even HRG has made her share of mistakes. A couple of them were BIG ones. I beat myself up for years over pissing away a very good marriage. I was selfish, immature, drunk and angry. Not a good combination at all. Finally, on the day we signed our divorce papers, we were laughing over old jokes, the notary public asked if we were sure we should be getting a divorce. That's when Guilt kicked me in the stomach. Hard. It hurt. On the way out I apologized for everything I'd done, for hurting him the way I did, for...well...everything. He smiled and said he'd forgiven me a long time ago and that I needed to forgive myself now. What's done is done, he harbored no ill feelings anymore. Thank each other for everything that was good. Forgive each other for everything that wasn't.
It was time to move on. It was hard, but I did it. Funny thing, I felt better, more stable and less insecure.
When my own mother came to me in a very real, actually, surreal, situation, the final forgiveness happened. She kept stroking my hair, telling me she needed me to let her go and this gianormous ball of emotion was released. When I returned to this reality, it felt different. I felt different. Because I was. It was that moment that I ceased being angry. Oh, I still get mad about stuff, but I'm not angry anymore. It made me a better person.
Are you up to the challenge my babies? To forgive yourselves, abandon the excess baggage, and move on?
Life will seem brighter, happier and more stable.
I promise.
HRG
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