Get outta my way--HRG is on a roll! Three loads of laundry done, turkey in the oven, pumpkin cheesecake waiting to be made. All this before 10 a.m.! Yes, it is true. I am amazing when I want to be.
I like Thanksgiving. It transcends all religion, it's a time to reap the rewards of a bountiful harvest. Ok, so these days it's more of a "hey, give that turkey back, I saw it first!" thing, but you get the drift.
Things I am thankful for (in no particular order)
My boy J.
My friends who have been incredibly patient and understanding.
My Goddess.
LDK
HRG
Monday, October 09, 2006
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Rhetoric On A Rainy Day
The rains have come. Oooh that sounds so ominous, doesn't it? It boggles the mind to think that those four small words would wield such power! They're strong enough to send us running for cover--until April.
On a more positive note.....HRG went on a date last nite! (we'll pause long enough for y'all to pick your jaws up off the floor) Of course, the date was with a very cute boy. One I've liked for a very long time. Ok, yes, it was LDK, but admit it babies, given my recent state-of-emotional-basketcaseness, I had you going. I think it was the push in the RIGHT direction that I needed. I have to tell you the truth my babies, 'coz what would be the point in hiding it? HRG came dangerously close to slipping back into a very bad learned behaviour. A very very VERY bad behaviour. With a very cute boy of course, but nonetheless......
I didn't. I couldn't. Then it hit me. I didn't even really want to. I'm glad this new impulse control button is working. I leaned on it. Hard.
And maybe it was the wine, the candlelight, the view, the whole ambiance, but I swear I saw this look on LDK's face last nite that made my heart stop. The look said "I am the luckiest man on the face of the earth". Or maybe it was wishful thinking mixed with the wine, the candlelight, the view, the whole ambiance......
Why is it so hard to trust a relationship that seems almost too good to be true? Here we go, back to the finally getting what we want, and finding ourselves completely incapable of handling it. Someone places their heart, still beating, in your hands and you're so afraid to drop it that you simply hand it right back and move on. Thing is, HRG's heart is so bruised and battered that she's afraid to take it out of her chest and hand it to anyone. It was once pointed out to me that I tend to keep people at arm's length, letting them only so close. And here is the man I have always dreamed of having, yet letting him completely in scares me. My arms are getting so sore.
If there are no guarantees, then is risking it all really worth it?
HRG
On a more positive note.....HRG went on a date last nite! (we'll pause long enough for y'all to pick your jaws up off the floor) Of course, the date was with a very cute boy. One I've liked for a very long time. Ok, yes, it was LDK, but admit it babies, given my recent state-of-emotional-basketcaseness, I had you going. I think it was the push in the RIGHT direction that I needed. I have to tell you the truth my babies, 'coz what would be the point in hiding it? HRG came dangerously close to slipping back into a very bad learned behaviour. A very very VERY bad behaviour. With a very cute boy of course, but nonetheless......
I didn't. I couldn't. Then it hit me. I didn't even really want to. I'm glad this new impulse control button is working. I leaned on it. Hard.
And maybe it was the wine, the candlelight, the view, the whole ambiance, but I swear I saw this look on LDK's face last nite that made my heart stop. The look said "I am the luckiest man on the face of the earth". Or maybe it was wishful thinking mixed with the wine, the candlelight, the view, the whole ambiance......
Why is it so hard to trust a relationship that seems almost too good to be true? Here we go, back to the finally getting what we want, and finding ourselves completely incapable of handling it. Someone places their heart, still beating, in your hands and you're so afraid to drop it that you simply hand it right back and move on. Thing is, HRG's heart is so bruised and battered that she's afraid to take it out of her chest and hand it to anyone. It was once pointed out to me that I tend to keep people at arm's length, letting them only so close. And here is the man I have always dreamed of having, yet letting him completely in scares me. My arms are getting so sore.
If there are no guarantees, then is risking it all really worth it?
HRG
Sunday, October 01, 2006
A Death In The Family
My Uncle Danny died this past week. He was 57. Lung cancer, among other health issues finally ended his pain and emotional torment. It's hard to be sad knowing that. My Dad is beside himself with grief. Danny was his youngest brother, they'd lost contact throughout the years and had only reconnected a scant few years ago. I didn't know Danny at all--this groovy heart is broken for my father. I'm sad for him.
The thing is, Danny probably had many more years left if he'd listened to his doctors and not my other f*****g wingnut uncle who convinced him that things like chemotherapy, medication and radiation were BAD. Danny was doing well taking anti-depressants--the wingnut convinced him they were evil. No Scientology involved here babies, the things the wingnut believes in are even stranger than that. People are free to believe in what they want to believe in--it's the cornerstone of democracy. That said, when you push your beliefs on someone and it ultimately contributes to their death, you should be held accountable. Ah, but you see, accountability doesn't come into play with the wingnut's belief system. It's always someone else's fault. Why take responsibility for the things you do when you can recite conspiracy theory after conspiracy theory and simply point the finger at someone else? Those of the tin-foil-wearing-blame-the-micro/radio-waves variety do it with alarming frequency. The wingnut knew which buttons to push, how to emotionally manipulate Danny. And he died.
What a fucking waste.
HRG
The thing is, Danny probably had many more years left if he'd listened to his doctors and not my other f*****g wingnut uncle who convinced him that things like chemotherapy, medication and radiation were BAD. Danny was doing well taking anti-depressants--the wingnut convinced him they were evil. No Scientology involved here babies, the things the wingnut believes in are even stranger than that. People are free to believe in what they want to believe in--it's the cornerstone of democracy. That said, when you push your beliefs on someone and it ultimately contributes to their death, you should be held accountable. Ah, but you see, accountability doesn't come into play with the wingnut's belief system. It's always someone else's fault. Why take responsibility for the things you do when you can recite conspiracy theory after conspiracy theory and simply point the finger at someone else? Those of the tin-foil-wearing-blame-the-micro/radio-waves variety do it with alarming frequency. The wingnut knew which buttons to push, how to emotionally manipulate Danny. And he died.
What a fucking waste.
HRG
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