That's the thing about pop quizzes--they're always supposed to be a surprise. Caught me off guard a bit, but *the* question was asked and answered.
I said yes.
Absofuckin'lutely.
HRG
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Friday, May 19, 2006
Near the Centre of the Universe
Hullo my babies! In case any of you were actually worried and/or wondering if I made it here, well I did. And a very public thanks to DTVCB for helping make this happen. We owe him something wonderful. Well, we do.
Yes. It's still amazing. Well it is.
This trip out here meant stepping out of my comfort zone. I have to admit to being a little afraid of doing that. It's easier to feel like you're calling the shots on your own turf. Except this time babies, I don't feel like I have to or want to call the shots. Well I don't. I'm learning, slowly, what it's like to be part of a "couple". I like it. A lot. I like LDK. A lot.
I'm afraid this blog will become boring, I mean without cute boys to write about, what is there to say? Ah, but y'all know HRG and she will always have something to say, and it will probably always have something to do with cute boys. Cute boys who no longer have a chance at stealing HRG's heart away and probably breaking it into a bajillion pieces. My heart belongs to one very cute boy now, and I know he won't break it.
So....what's happened since I've been here? Let's see. Lunch yesterday with one of my oldest and dearest friends. I love Midge, always have. She's the most incredible woman, even if she doesn't see it, she truly is. Lunch was wonderful, the wine good, the food very good, and then the drive back here.....which was hilarious because HRG had no idea how to get back here. Eventually we stopped and asked directions. Women do that. Men, as I've learned over the years will not.
Last nite was dinner with LDK's mother. Nervous? Me? Oh you know it. It went well, I really like her and LDK says she really liked me. After dinner we walked back to her condo and ran into an old friend of LDK's who lives in the same building. He is a VERY cute boy. Just the type HRG would've fallen for in her old life. He thought I was a very cute girl. Know what else? LDK was jealous! It was sweet. It was a different kind of jealous than I'd ever experienced, but there it was. No recriminations, he's not that type of man, but it was so easy to see on his face. Then the look changed and there was this aura of "go ahead, look at her all you want, but you know what? She's with me. So there."
Tonite is "date" nite. We're going for a nice dinner, a dress up dinner. Of course HRG brought clothes more suited to the west coast kind of weather, but I will tough it out. After all, I'll look fabulous and there is a very cute boy who is more than willing to keep me warm. I like that. A lot.
There's a line from a song that keeps running through my head......
"I know it's strange, but my luck's about to change 'coz what we've got here is true love...."
And we do. And I like it. A lot.
HRG
Yes. It's still amazing. Well it is.
This trip out here meant stepping out of my comfort zone. I have to admit to being a little afraid of doing that. It's easier to feel like you're calling the shots on your own turf. Except this time babies, I don't feel like I have to or want to call the shots. Well I don't. I'm learning, slowly, what it's like to be part of a "couple". I like it. A lot. I like LDK. A lot.
I'm afraid this blog will become boring, I mean without cute boys to write about, what is there to say? Ah, but y'all know HRG and she will always have something to say, and it will probably always have something to do with cute boys. Cute boys who no longer have a chance at stealing HRG's heart away and probably breaking it into a bajillion pieces. My heart belongs to one very cute boy now, and I know he won't break it.
So....what's happened since I've been here? Let's see. Lunch yesterday with one of my oldest and dearest friends. I love Midge, always have. She's the most incredible woman, even if she doesn't see it, she truly is. Lunch was wonderful, the wine good, the food very good, and then the drive back here.....which was hilarious because HRG had no idea how to get back here. Eventually we stopped and asked directions. Women do that. Men, as I've learned over the years will not.
Last nite was dinner with LDK's mother. Nervous? Me? Oh you know it. It went well, I really like her and LDK says she really liked me. After dinner we walked back to her condo and ran into an old friend of LDK's who lives in the same building. He is a VERY cute boy. Just the type HRG would've fallen for in her old life. He thought I was a very cute girl. Know what else? LDK was jealous! It was sweet. It was a different kind of jealous than I'd ever experienced, but there it was. No recriminations, he's not that type of man, but it was so easy to see on his face. Then the look changed and there was this aura of "go ahead, look at her all you want, but you know what? She's with me. So there."
Tonite is "date" nite. We're going for a nice dinner, a dress up dinner. Of course HRG brought clothes more suited to the west coast kind of weather, but I will tough it out. After all, I'll look fabulous and there is a very cute boy who is more than willing to keep me warm. I like that. A lot.
There's a line from a song that keeps running through my head......
"I know it's strange, but my luck's about to change 'coz what we've got here is true love...."
And we do. And I like it. A lot.
HRG
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Bouncing All Over The Place
Once again it's been ages since I've written the thoughts in my head down. I've wanted to, but somehow I end up by spending every single nite on the computer, chatting with a very cute boy.
A cute boy who now has HRG's heart in his hands. I know he'll treat it carefully, he knows that it's easily broken and might not take kindly to one more repair.
And I have to admit to feeling guilty about being so incredibly happy. I shouldn't, but I do. Those I've let close enough to care have been on roller coaster rides of their own, except their rides have been more like the ones that have you hurling from the get go. I want to share in this bliss, but......
This bliss. And it is that. Pure bliss. HRG loves someone who loves her back. This thing, all these feelings are so new and you know babies, I'm not entirely sure how to handle it all. I know, I know, I know--repeat the mantra "Don't think. Just feel". It's the most amazing feeling and I now I do understand what DTVCB has been talking about. That feeling of catching your breath when you see that special someone. Your heart skipping a beat when you think about them. When all you can think about is that special someone. I close my eyes and see his face. Missing him so much that it almost hurts, but being grounded enough not to toss all caution and common sense to the wind.
We had ten wonderful days together, days that I wished would never end. It was magikal and wonderfully comfortable. We're so much alike in so many ways, in all the good ways. We wonder what we'll ever have to argue about, but I can promise you that chores won't be part of it. It helps that we're both clean freaks. We know that this is *IT*. As you all know, I've spent years dodging that bullet we call commitment. Now I want to hyphenate my name. Yes I do. LDK truly is the most amazing man I've ever met. He's fabulous on ALL levels. I'm glad The Fates brought us together. Jack Smak just showed up to remind us, to show us not to be afraid of it. There's this incredible light that shines around us, people see it and smile.
There's still a part of me, a small part, but it's there and has a really loud voice, that has me wondering why, what is so special about me that he'd give it all up and move halfway across the country to start a new life here. With me. In a few short weeks, he'll be here. Lock stock and barrel. With his stuff. I want it to be next week, but you know, we have the rest of our lives to look forward to, what's a few more weeks? It's just that I miss him so. I'd learned to love living alone, now I hate it. This small apartment seems so big and empty without him here. I haven't had a decent nite's sleep in almost two weeks. J finally picked up his futon, I have a real bed that feels real lonely now. So much so that weekends find me sleeping on the couch. The being in there, without LDK is just so........lonely........
J is finally off on his adventures. Europe awaits. He is so excited about this journey and I know he'll come back with eyes open wider, more aware of what the rest of the world is really like. We had dinner this week, probably the last home cooked meal he'll have in a very long time. I fought back the tears when he left--he didn't need to see his Mum like that. That said, when he came in to see me at work for one last hug, one last I love you Mum, the tears fell. I locked myself in my office for a few minutes and tried to pull myself together. Eventually I did. I will worry every second of every day while he's gone. It's a Mum thing.
And.........I finally had the whole talk with MBF. I told him about LDK. He seemed okay with it and once he gets past thinking about what he should feel, as opposed to what he does feel, he'll move on. He said he knew that it was inevitable, that we would never be more than just the good friends that we are. We've both known this for a very long time now. You all know that I did my stepping back after what happened last August. He's in a place that would ultimately be very unhealthy for HRG and there was no chemistry at all. We just fell into a habit, hanging out, easing each other's emotional loneliness, with no physical attraction. A musical Will & Grace. But you know babies, the thought of a life with no passion.......well, it just wasn't in the cards. I'm just sorry it took so long for us to say the words out loud. It's time to let each other go. I only hope he can find the same happiness I have. If he ever gives himself permission to be happy, he will.
You see, that's the biggest thing I've learned. Giving yourself permission to be happy actually invites the good feelings. Brings the one you've waited for to you. For the first time in my life, I actually know what it is to be in love. Really in love. And I am....
Absofuckinlutely.
HRG
A cute boy who now has HRG's heart in his hands. I know he'll treat it carefully, he knows that it's easily broken and might not take kindly to one more repair.
And I have to admit to feeling guilty about being so incredibly happy. I shouldn't, but I do. Those I've let close enough to care have been on roller coaster rides of their own, except their rides have been more like the ones that have you hurling from the get go. I want to share in this bliss, but......
This bliss. And it is that. Pure bliss. HRG loves someone who loves her back. This thing, all these feelings are so new and you know babies, I'm not entirely sure how to handle it all. I know, I know, I know--repeat the mantra "Don't think. Just feel". It's the most amazing feeling and I now I do understand what DTVCB has been talking about. That feeling of catching your breath when you see that special someone. Your heart skipping a beat when you think about them. When all you can think about is that special someone. I close my eyes and see his face. Missing him so much that it almost hurts, but being grounded enough not to toss all caution and common sense to the wind.
We had ten wonderful days together, days that I wished would never end. It was magikal and wonderfully comfortable. We're so much alike in so many ways, in all the good ways. We wonder what we'll ever have to argue about, but I can promise you that chores won't be part of it. It helps that we're both clean freaks. We know that this is *IT*. As you all know, I've spent years dodging that bullet we call commitment. Now I want to hyphenate my name. Yes I do. LDK truly is the most amazing man I've ever met. He's fabulous on ALL levels. I'm glad The Fates brought us together. Jack Smak just showed up to remind us, to show us not to be afraid of it. There's this incredible light that shines around us, people see it and smile.
There's still a part of me, a small part, but it's there and has a really loud voice, that has me wondering why, what is so special about me that he'd give it all up and move halfway across the country to start a new life here. With me. In a few short weeks, he'll be here. Lock stock and barrel. With his stuff. I want it to be next week, but you know, we have the rest of our lives to look forward to, what's a few more weeks? It's just that I miss him so. I'd learned to love living alone, now I hate it. This small apartment seems so big and empty without him here. I haven't had a decent nite's sleep in almost two weeks. J finally picked up his futon, I have a real bed that feels real lonely now. So much so that weekends find me sleeping on the couch. The being in there, without LDK is just so........lonely........
J is finally off on his adventures. Europe awaits. He is so excited about this journey and I know he'll come back with eyes open wider, more aware of what the rest of the world is really like. We had dinner this week, probably the last home cooked meal he'll have in a very long time. I fought back the tears when he left--he didn't need to see his Mum like that. That said, when he came in to see me at work for one last hug, one last I love you Mum, the tears fell. I locked myself in my office for a few minutes and tried to pull myself together. Eventually I did. I will worry every second of every day while he's gone. It's a Mum thing.
And.........I finally had the whole talk with MBF. I told him about LDK. He seemed okay with it and once he gets past thinking about what he should feel, as opposed to what he does feel, he'll move on. He said he knew that it was inevitable, that we would never be more than just the good friends that we are. We've both known this for a very long time now. You all know that I did my stepping back after what happened last August. He's in a place that would ultimately be very unhealthy for HRG and there was no chemistry at all. We just fell into a habit, hanging out, easing each other's emotional loneliness, with no physical attraction. A musical Will & Grace. But you know babies, the thought of a life with no passion.......well, it just wasn't in the cards. I'm just sorry it took so long for us to say the words out loud. It's time to let each other go. I only hope he can find the same happiness I have. If he ever gives himself permission to be happy, he will.
You see, that's the biggest thing I've learned. Giving yourself permission to be happy actually invites the good feelings. Brings the one you've waited for to you. For the first time in my life, I actually know what it is to be in love. Really in love. And I am....
Absofuckinlutely.
HRG
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)