Ahhhhh

I needed that........

HRG

Octopus's Garden

Well babies, my life is nothing if not interesting. Where to begin, where to begin?

When we last left HRG, she was waxing ecstatic about The Teacher. He really is a cute boy--too bad he's on octopus. He was all over me and then confused about my silence. Yeah, coz I'm going to get into a game of tonsil hockey with someone I met an HOUR ago. He's cute, funny and smart, all the things I like in a man. That he expected I'd sleep with him an hour after meeting him automatically dismisses all the brownie points. Is it me? Do I give out some kind of vibe? In my profile I wrote that I wasn't one of those *clingy* types. Is that Man-Speak for *easy lay*? What I meant is that I don't have the need to be with someone 24/7. I have my own life, they should have theirs, but we can make time to do things together. Looks like The Teacher and I just wanted to do different things. Very different things. Gawd, can you believe he actually walked me to the (front) door and waited expectantly for me to ask him to come upstairs? Sigh.

HRG got semi-tarted up and went out alone to see HTBP play on Saturday nite. Ok, so I got completely tarted up. Oddly enough, everyone asked where MBF was when I came in. There's some general assumption that he and I are, well, doing what you know we're not. Had fun, danced my ass off all nite, fought off a very drunk Newfie who figured that the "yes" to a dance also meant yes to being groped. What is it with men anyway? Geez. Still, had a good time, HTBP drove me home. No, he didn't wait to get asked up. Ran into him the next day. He was with his girlfriend. I'd forgotten how pretty she is. And then I felt it. Seeing them together helped. The crush is starting to fade, and I can move on. I'm sure the sound of his voice will always make my heart skip a beat--that I'll always be a little semi-mental wondering what might've been, but you know, DTVCB is right. (I'm sure I'll hear about that one) Pursuing this *crush* was holding me back from moving on.

Last nite HRG was bestowed with the softest, sweetest kiss she's had in 6 years. No groping involved, just wonderful kisses. It was amazing. I'd forgotten what it felt like to melt in a man's arms. And in twist of fate his name does not begin with the letter K. We'll call him JTCB. I don't know what, if anything, this is or will be. All I know is that I'm up for the ride.

He is, after all, a very cute boy......

HRG

These Are the Ks Of My Life

I wonder if The Fates have stalled me at the letter K in the alphabet. Seems that with the exception of one, all the cute boys in my life lately have had names that start with that letter.

Including the new one.

I can hear you cueing up the music, after all "he's a cute boy but he's not for me" has been my theme song for months. Back slowly away from the cd player and sit down 'coz I have something to confess. There's no music to be played this time. HRG met a cute boy and well, he's pretty awesome. And very cute. We'll just refer to him as The Teacher (TT) We met through the personals, and even though there was no picture of him, something in the message he sent intrigued me. Enough to reply, which I almost never do. The last couple of "cute boys" met there turned out not to be very cute, and I was getting fed up with the whole thing. I'm already selective (ok picky) enough, and no, I don't answer every message. But this guy.....

Friday nite was spent on the phone, for two hours, with a man I'd never seen. I went to bed with a big smile on my face. Of course my jaded side was thinking he has to be a troll because the conversation was too good to be true. There was no lull, we laughed, it felt like I'd known him for years. But still, I hadn't seen him, so he could quite possibly be a Troll. Then yesterday he stopped by the store. He is so not a Troll, is a VERY cute boy, and the attraction was immediate and mutual. In fact, the phone was ringing when I got in the door from work. It was The Teacher. He wanted to know if I'd felt the same spark. He's very smart, funny, well read, knows music AND can tune a guitar. The Teacher has very definite possibilities.

Last nite was very interesting too, but it's a story for later on today. For now, I must shower and get ready to see J.

The sun is shining and suddenly the world seems full of promise.....

HRG

Not Feeling Groovy Today

You know, I'd fully intended on sitting down tonite, catching all, er, I mean both of you up with the goings on here in GroovyVille.

It's said the road to hell is paved with good intentions though, and suddenly it all seems so unimportant......

Tonite I got such sad news. To know the heart of the man who had to tell me was broken into a bajillion pieces made it worse. To lose his first born, his only son--I can't imagine the pain he must be feeling. To lose him to drugs only deepens his sadness.

Bill Davies was the first cute boy I ever took a bath with--at the ripe old age of 1. Friday October 14 he had his last hit and took his last breath. *Super Soldier* is gone, leaving two children, his father, sister and step mother. All of whom are struggling to make sense out of all this. Thing is, there is no sense in this. Another junkie died is how people will look at it. They don't stop to think that despite their addiction, they were loved. They had families, lives that meant something once.

It also meant having to call my Dad and tell him. Our families have been friends for almost 50 years. This was such hard news to break. It's one of the few times I can recall my father crying.

This is too hard to write about right now. Sometimes even HRG just can't find the right words.

HRG

You know.....

I've played Have You Ever Needed Someone (So Bad) so many times that I'll have to start paying Def Leopard royalties pretty soon.

Maybe lunch with a DTVCB will help provide some insight into just how to shake this *crush* 'coz I'm not doing a very good job of it on my own.

Sigh......

BUT the sun is shining, HRG feels more like herself than she did last week, AND I made another coffee date. The Englishman seems a little put off that I had to cancel for last week, twice, but honestly babies, I was sick and would've been lousy company.

For now tho, it's time to get ready for lunch--seafood club sandwiches from our favorite *rural* place.

And more on coffee later.......

HRG

A Stroll Down Memory Lane

Babies, I've been reminded that it's been a little too quiet here in GroovyVille lately. It's not that nothing's been going on--much has been happening--it's just that, well, I've been bored and little sad. Sad at my own life, but mostly sad for the things that have happened to people I care about. A good friend who has just lost her 4 legged best friend and is beyond devastated--another, an old friend, who is facing losing a parent to a terminal illness. The *old* friend is a former friend, but all the same, her Mum was more of a mother to me than my own ever had been, especially at a time in my life when I needed the caring and firm guidance.

Thing is, just over a year ago, I had a very bad prophetic dream about her Mum. It rattled me enough to ask others to make inquiries just to see how she was doing. They all said she was fine, but the feeling wouldn't go away. A year later it turns out she's not fine after all, and the illness is in the part of the body that I saw so clearly. It makes me so sad. I know how OF is feeling--she's already lost one parent and to lose the other.....

Onto other things....

The HTBP saga continues to be, well, not much of anything. Meanwhile I am so hung up on him that it's sad. Too hung up on someone I can't have can't be healthy, can it? I just like him SO much. Suggestions as to how to get un hung up on him would be welcome. And encouraged.

Went on an actual date with an Englishman I met through the on-line personals. Nice man. Not for me though. (ooh there's that same old song playing again) Met for coffee, agreed to go to dinner. Dinner was nice, although the restaurant was highly over-rated. A quick goodnite kiss at the door, which wasn't much of a kiss at all, and there it was. That flashing neon sign that only HRG can see. The one that screams "NO CHEMISTRY HERE--MOVE ALONG". I did agree to go to a movie tonite with him. Now I'm sitting here wondering how to get out of it. I really don't want to go. Thing is, I had to cancel a coffee date with him for last Thursday because babies, HRG was sick sick sick. I could barely make it through work let alone make it through a coffee date in a noisy pub. All I wanted to do was curl up and sleep for a week. I'll figure it out.

Ah but HRG you ask, how was coffee with CB#1? It was....ok. That said, I did turn down any future meetings because he reminded me of J's dad! In looks, mannerisms, even speech. Since J is a mini version of his father, it would've been too weird. That and CB#1 is unemployed and that, babies, is the deal breaker for me. I'm tired of dating/living with/marrying men who are a financial drain on HRG's financial resources. I stretched the truth and told him that TBF and I were getting back together and wished him well. It seemed like the nice thing to do.

Had a talk with MBF since the last post. He said he recognized the issues and was willing to do just about anything to fix this. He apologized for always making everything about him and for not listening when I was trying to talk about things that were important to me. I want to believe he's sincere, but I also know that you can't make a leopard change it's spots. Watched a hockey game with him last nite. He talked through almost the entire thing. All I wanted to do was WATCH THE GODDAMNED GAME, and he wouldn't shut up. Talk during commercials if you have to, or when there's a lull and no action on the ice, but really, I don't care about who played what position for the 1973 Flyers. Eventually I tuned him out and concentrated on the game, but did miss a couple of plays and important calls. He just doesn't seem to get it.

To tell you the truth, I'm feeling sad, and yes, a little sorry for myself this weekend. It's Thanksgiving here, and HRG has nowhere to go. For the first time in years and years, there's no Thanksgiving dinner for moi, and even though I blew it off and even decided to work to give a staff member the day off to spend with her family, I'd hoped someone would invite me for dinner somewhere. I feel like a lonely old lady with just her cats for company. How sad is that?
No word at all from J, although I hear through the grapevine that he has a job now. I don't know for sure because he has zero contact with me at all. And here I was thinking all this time that he and I had such a good relationship. Apparently not. It hurts. Of course I'd never admit that.

Know what? I think I'll take my feeling-sorry-for-myself-ass away from the puter and concentrate on cleaning house. Maybe that'll help. At the very least, it'll make me forget things for awhile.

HRG