I know, I know, it breaks all the rules, having a second date so soon. Well babies, conventional is definitely not a word anyone would use to describe me.
He picked me up after work, wore this great shirt that I always have thought he looked so nice in, and then in the most cheesy romantic gesture, produced a perfect long stemmed red rose. It was so sweet. Dinner was wonderful, the conversation stimulating (get your minds out of there!) and time flew by. I felt relaxed and wonderful.
Today however, I felt bad. TBF and I were together almost 5 years, I should miss him. What kind of person am I that walking away after all this time doesn't really hurt?
I think adding another shark to the moat would be a good idea.
HRG
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Sunday, April 24, 2005
The First Date
You're dying to know all the lurid details, aren't you? Well, since ONE of us isn't going to the Cher concert tonite, I guess I've nothing better to do than spill.
It was interesting, the whole thing. The bar was filled with 30+ somethings, you could smell the desperation in the air. Oh dear lord, is this what awaits me in the land of the dating?
(announcer's voice):
*Desperation* (when you're ready to lower your standards)........................ new from Calvin Klein.
(long shot of a puffy, almost middle aged woman, stirring that one drink too many, gazing desperately at the puffy, almost middle aged man across the room)
It was comically pathetic. HRG on the other hand, looked "demure, with a touch of class". Or so she was told. Several times. By different boys.
Best Moment:
Date: "I'd like you to meet HRG"
Guitar player from band "I know you HRG, you're famous!"
HRG: (exercising some of her legendary self-effacing wit) "Famous for what?"
Second Best Moment:
"Ladies and gentlemen, would you welcome to the stage please, HRG!"
Yup, was invited up to do a couple of tunes in second set. Rocked out, flirted my ass off and had a great time. No talk about exes, just sat back and enjoyed it all. The food, the band, the company. Hottie The Bass Player worshipped at my feet the entire time. All in all, a fabulous ego feed.
Ah, but you wanted lurid details, didn't you? Sorry to disappoint, it was everything but lurid. Well, there was cherry pie and coffee involved, but that's a story for another day. It was sweet. He held my hand as we made our way down the hill from where we parked. The walk made all that much more difficult by the 4" stiletto heels HRG was sporting. He found the perfect table on the patio, and yes, even held my hand on the way back to the car. Going up the hill was much easier. The evening ended with several very wonderful kisses. There will be a second date.
And more cherry pie.
HRG
It was interesting, the whole thing. The bar was filled with 30+ somethings, you could smell the desperation in the air. Oh dear lord, is this what awaits me in the land of the dating?
(announcer's voice):
*Desperation* (when you're ready to lower your standards)........................ new from Calvin Klein.
(long shot of a puffy, almost middle aged woman, stirring that one drink too many, gazing desperately at the puffy, almost middle aged man across the room)
It was comically pathetic. HRG on the other hand, looked "demure, with a touch of class". Or so she was told. Several times. By different boys.
Best Moment:
Date: "I'd like you to meet HRG"
Guitar player from band "I know you HRG, you're famous!"
HRG: (exercising some of her legendary self-effacing wit) "Famous for what?"
Second Best Moment:
"Ladies and gentlemen, would you welcome to the stage please, HRG!"
Yup, was invited up to do a couple of tunes in second set. Rocked out, flirted my ass off and had a great time. No talk about exes, just sat back and enjoyed it all. The food, the band, the company. Hottie The Bass Player worshipped at my feet the entire time. All in all, a fabulous ego feed.
Ah, but you wanted lurid details, didn't you? Sorry to disappoint, it was everything but lurid. Well, there was cherry pie and coffee involved, but that's a story for another day. It was sweet. He held my hand as we made our way down the hill from where we parked. The walk made all that much more difficult by the 4" stiletto heels HRG was sporting. He found the perfect table on the patio, and yes, even held my hand on the way back to the car. Going up the hill was much easier. The evening ended with several very wonderful kisses. There will be a second date.
And more cherry pie.
HRG
Friday, April 22, 2005
Gonna get my groove back
...even if it kills me. I know this because a little birdie told me so. Thanks Mystery Mama--you always know just when I need a lift.
Ok (she takes a deep breath) maybe I am so not ready for this, but tonite dear readers, HRG has a date! A bona fide "I'll pick you up at 8:45" date. We're going out to a local bar to see my bass player's other band. Did I ever tell you what a total hottie the bass player is? I am going to get totally tarted up and have the boys drooling all nite. Might not be a immediate cure, but it can't hurt. Besides, how will I know if I have my stuff back if I don't strut it a bit?
Oh, and if you're lucky, I'll spill the lurid details here.
Now, do I kiss him goodnite? Do women still do that?
The old me would........
HRG
Ok (she takes a deep breath) maybe I am so not ready for this, but tonite dear readers, HRG has a date! A bona fide "I'll pick you up at 8:45" date. We're going out to a local bar to see my bass player's other band. Did I ever tell you what a total hottie the bass player is? I am going to get totally tarted up and have the boys drooling all nite. Might not be a immediate cure, but it can't hurt. Besides, how will I know if I have my stuff back if I don't strut it a bit?
Oh, and if you're lucky, I'll spill the lurid details here.
Now, do I kiss him goodnite? Do women still do that?
The old me would........
HRG
Thursday, April 21, 2005
It occurred to me
To quote Pink Floyd "I have become comfortably numb". I realize today that I am numb. That I feel, well, nothing. I'm not sad, at least not most of the time, but I'm never really happy either. I just go through my days by rote. Smiling and laughing because it's what expected of me. Even hanging out with MBF doesn't bring the warm fuzzies it should. Even last nite, after dinner, hanging out, watching tv and MBF stroking my hand and fingers in a very intimate way, that warm rush of butterflies just didn't happen.
What's wrong with me? I used to be so vibrant and alive. Now it's more like just going through the motions. My life has never been routine. It certainly doesn't fit with HRG's style. Maybe that's the problem. I've been afraid to be *me* for so long that I wonder if my style is, well, out of style.
How do I get my groove back?
HRG
What's wrong with me? I used to be so vibrant and alive. Now it's more like just going through the motions. My life has never been routine. It certainly doesn't fit with HRG's style. Maybe that's the problem. I've been afraid to be *me* for so long that I wonder if my style is, well, out of style.
How do I get my groove back?
HRG
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Landslides
So much has been going on that I hardly know where to start. It's been a rough few days, yesterday the realization of the situation hit. Hard. On the walk home from work, I saw a Mum and her son. They were about a block away. Suddenly the walk up Hillside became a stroll down memory lane. The boy was about 8 or 9, and they way he and his Mum interacted brought back a flood of memories. It took all I had not to turn into a *girl* and bawl these groovy eyes out.
That's when it hit, how very much I miss J. and my old life. Sleeping alone isn't what it's cracked up to be. I miss the feeling of drifting off with TBF's arms wrapped tightly around me. I miss having someone to be ignored by. I guess what's hardest to take is knowing that TBF is happier now. TB lives with him now. It's not going well, but it's not going all that bad either. It is a relief to be out of the situation.
Oh but the missing J is killing me. My friends, I understand you better now. This is way harder than I thought it would be. He's here this weekend tho. Four sleeps. But, really, who's counting?
MBF and I continue to stick our toes into the moat. The alligators and the shark are still there, waiting silently for one of us to slip in. MBF is giving me time to accept the situation, time to settle into this new life. It's liked being wooed. It's kind of nice. Part of me wonders what it would be like to date other people though. Not sleep with anyone--funny, I have zero interest in that these days--but just date. Do people still do that? Do men still spend the entire meal complaining about their exes and expect you to be so turned on by the topic that you'll be offering coffee and dessert at your place? Do women still do that too, or was it just me?
If this is supposed to be such a great time in my life, why doesn't it feel like it? To quote Melissa "I'm alright, I'm alright, it only hurts when I breathe"........
HRG
That's when it hit, how very much I miss J. and my old life. Sleeping alone isn't what it's cracked up to be. I miss the feeling of drifting off with TBF's arms wrapped tightly around me. I miss having someone to be ignored by. I guess what's hardest to take is knowing that TBF is happier now. TB lives with him now. It's not going well, but it's not going all that bad either. It is a relief to be out of the situation.
Oh but the missing J is killing me. My friends, I understand you better now. This is way harder than I thought it would be. He's here this weekend tho. Four sleeps. But, really, who's counting?
MBF and I continue to stick our toes into the moat. The alligators and the shark are still there, waiting silently for one of us to slip in. MBF is giving me time to accept the situation, time to settle into this new life. It's liked being wooed. It's kind of nice. Part of me wonders what it would be like to date other people though. Not sleep with anyone--funny, I have zero interest in that these days--but just date. Do people still do that? Do men still spend the entire meal complaining about their exes and expect you to be so turned on by the topic that you'll be offering coffee and dessert at your place? Do women still do that too, or was it just me?
If this is supposed to be such a great time in my life, why doesn't it feel like it? To quote Melissa "I'm alright, I'm alright, it only hurts when I breathe"........
HRG
Friday, April 01, 2005
Well babies it's done.......
The move is finished. For me anyways. BF will finish up tomorrow. Just needs to haul a load of junk to the dump. I know, I know, no e-mails from tree huggers ok? These things were not recyclable. Trust me.
It was a LONG and stressful week, but there's no turning back now. BF has a great place btw. It's a nice size--actually, I'm kind of envious because it's bigger. He also has a pool, gym and sauna. TB is definitely moving in with him. That should be interesting, especially now that I can watch from the sidelines.
I'm tired and maybe just a little emotional. Just a little.
But know what? I'll be ok.
HRG
It was a LONG and stressful week, but there's no turning back now. BF has a great place btw. It's a nice size--actually, I'm kind of envious because it's bigger. He also has a pool, gym and sauna. TB is definitely moving in with him. That should be interesting, especially now that I can watch from the sidelines.
I'm tired and maybe just a little emotional. Just a little.
But know what? I'll be ok.
HRG
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