A Day Of Rest?

Ok, so today we proved there is indeed no rest for the wicked. If you don't count an hour's nap of course.

Been packing and cleaning all day, so why do I feel like nothing has been accomplished? Geez.

Question: Is it morally wrong to kill dust bunnies on Easter Sunday?

Things are becoming strained here, BF has been trying to pick fights, is refusing to help do more than pack some of his own things. That only started after I stopped doing it for him. Sigh. I'm not taking the bait though. I mean, it must be wrong of me to expect him to remember that he lived here all this time too. Silly me. What was I thinking?

This is hard and I will miss him. I thought the rest of your life meant the rest of your life. Guess I thought wrong. Sleeping alone will be, I think, the hardest thing to take. I love the feeling of a man's arms wrapped around me as I drift off. But you know, being someone's emotional punching bag isn't worth the trade off. Everyone tells me I'll learn to love sleeping in the middle of the bed. Obviously they don't sleep with cats. With cats, you sleep where they'll let you.

Time to clean. Cheaper than therapy by a long shot. Have the semi-mental tunes cranked too.
Probably not a wise thing to do, but what the hell. After all, I did add a shark to that moat.

But I can dream can't I?

HRG

Lunch Conversation

On a recent outing, Lipslut posed an interesting question. Can men and women be just friends? Can they hang out, do stuff together and not have it turn into more? We disagree. I think it's possible. HRG has several close male friends, who are just that, friends. We've hung out, done lots of stuff together, yet never once entertained the thought of having it go any further. Maybe women are better at it than men. We want every man in our lives to adore us. It's just that some should adore us from a safe distance. One that we determine. But I digress.....

So, what do you think? Is it possible? Pose the question to your friends and share their thoughts--even be selective and pass this blog on to someone you know who might have something interesting to say.

Enquiring minds want to know......

Curiously yours,

HRG

Remnants

...of a pretty good weekend. Some things from Friday/Saturday nite:

Brandon The Gorgeous Bartender:

"Wow HRG you looks fabulous!"

HRG (who looked pretty hot if she says so herself)

"Thanks. It's nice to be enjoying my life"

BTGB:

"Oh instead of life enjoying you?"

How incredibly profound is that? Worth sharing for sure!!! Gorgeous and smart--shame I have shoes older than he is.......

Stage moment: HRG slinks and dances her way over to her bass player instead of MBF. MBF is very upset and pouts for three songs. HRG is surprised and secretly pleased. For the record, bass player is a hottie. Big time.

Life Lesson #1: Found out what a Lipslut really is. I don't want to be one anymore.

Life Lesson #2: Also found out that wearing stilettos with clear heels qualifies one as a *ho*. Good thing mine have black ones. Almost bought a pair with stainless steel heels at Aldo. Wonder what wearing those would qualify me as. Decide I don't want to know.

Warm Fuzzy Moment: MBF holding my hand while we listened to some really cheezy oldies. It was very sweet and semi-mental.

Warmer Fuzzier Moment: MBF squeezing my hand hard every time he heard "funny how I always wind up here with you...." I wanted to kiss him.


Did I tell you faithful readers, that I added a shark to that moat? Sharks don't sleep. Ever.

HRG

Sometimes it's just too amazing

And last nite, well, that's what we were. We made mistakes which no one noticed (except us) and we absolutely ROCKED the place. Much fun was had by all, the bar was packed, and did I mention we rocked? A furry friend graciously brought along her video camera and recorded most of the gig. Can't wait to see the footage!

HRG felt sooooooo incredibly sexy last nite too. Haven't felt like that in a very long time. Bought an entire new outfit, you should see the shoes! My feet are screaming at me this morning, but you know babies, it was more than worth it. Did the whole thing this week, got a new haircut, new clothes, and a new attitude. I've tidied up my point of view, I've got a new attitude..... (hey not all the songs from the 80s were bad) Played the role of Sex Kitten to the hilt, heh heh heh. It was fun. My ego needed a massage and feeding.

Tonite is a nite with MBF whom I haven't seen (except for last nite and omfg he was so good) in two weeks. I miss him. Big time. Not too long now and we'll be able to see each other whenever we want. The commute will involve a run down the stairs, or in MBF's case, a quick elevator ride up 3 floors.

The hugs are getting steamier.......what I wouldn't have given for it to be NYE all over again. You see this time I was ready for the kiss.......

HRG

Let the packing begin

This is going a little too smoothly--something is bound to go wrong. We're bound to argue over what belonged to who and who's taking what. There was already a little "discussion" over a dvd last nite. Sigh.

BF and I have separate apartments now. He rented his at the end of last week, the damage deposit was put down on mine yesterday. His building has a pool, gym, etc. Not that he'll ever use them. Mine is quiet, has a balcony and a view of the city, the water and the mountains. Unless you look down, in which case, it's a pretty good view of the parking lot. Still it's walking distance to work. It's bright, sunny and smaller than I'm used to, then again, this time only one person will be living there, not three. I'm sure I'll be happy there. I know the plants will be.

So what to do now? BF keeps insisting that we're not breaking up, just moving out for space of our own, but I know it's over in the things he says. He got J a birthday gift yesterday--gave it to him and everything. As you know, dedicated reader of this stuff, J's birthday is in June. Three months away. BF got me a digital camera--a month early--for my birthday. It's one I always wanted, it's an older model which means it was being cleared out. HP 635 2.1 mp 3x optical zoom, audio, video, internal memory--the whole shebang. It's a good camera for your normal snapshot taker. They were a popular item in electronics at the stupid store. I know this, I sold a bajillion of them a couple of Christmases ago.

Isn't it interesting how I managed to squash those feelings and instead, wax ecstatic about the new camera? Mystery Mama is right. I should let myself feel things and when those who truly care ask, tell them about it. The trick is to find the balance between being able to say something, instead of talking about it endlessly. You see, I'm afraid that once the words come out, they'll run mightier and faster than the Mississippi. I don't have a life jacket.

HRG

Pulling off the band-aid

Well here you are dear reader, the feelings I somehow manage to squash.......

The band-aid has been pulled off. Quickly. It hurt. BF said the words aloud yesterday--he wants to live alone. If this is what I've wanted, my own space, my own place, then why does it hurt so freakin' much? Is it because I mistakenly believed that another try would be the right thing to do? Or is it that deep down, I'm really afraid to be alone?

That seems ridiculous. I love, no crave, my alone time. So why all these mixed feelings? I feel all this pressure now. MBF does too, I can feel it. My *spidey sense* tells me I am about to be truly alone. Oh we'll always be best friends, but I feel that's all it'll ever be. That's not so bad I guess. We've got music and that's something, right? Right?

I'm going to look at an apartment today. An apartment! For the first time in more years than I'll admit to I won't have a yard and a garden. But maybe that's a good thing Less distractions force you to look at and deal with issues. A place with a balcony seems like a reasonable compromise. I can still have flowers, herbs and patio tomatoes. It won't be the gianormous amount of produce I'm used to growing, but that's ok too. We're in for another hot summer, not having to water and/or mow the lawn would be a welcome relief. Patio plants need less attention and fussing. I'm the one who needs the attention and fussing for a change.

I've decided to let J go his own way. It's so hard and makes me cry rivers of tears, but he's going to go regardless. Better I know where he is and who he's with than have him floating around from place to place. He insists that we'll spend every other weekend together, just us. I want to believe that, it'd be nice to have something to look forward to. All too soon he'll be leaving the city to make his way. I'll have to ask my dad how he felt when I hopped on the bus right after graduation. I too was anxious to make my way. I left at 15, 17 and 19. Difference here is, I was escaping indifference. J is loved fiercely. Something that I never knew. So, pass the scissors and I'll cut the final apron string. Ouch.

HRG