Good gig tonite. The bar even gave us a raise which was totally unexpected and very cool. Just call me Miz Onassis. We played well and had a freakin' great time doing so. A couple of times I couldn't start singing because we were all laughing so hard. I like that. The new bass player really spices things up. He's cute, funny as hell and has even had a dream abut HRG. But that's a story for another day.
MBF was amazing tonite too. It's easy to take for granted what an exceptional player he truly is and I should tell him more often I think, how I admire him as a musician. Personal stuff aside, MBF has earned a great deal of respect within music circles and still manages to stay unaffected and humble. It's one of the many reasons I 'heart' him so much.
There were a couple of onstage "moments" that actually made me go weak in the knees. It makes me wonder if keeping things as they are is the right thing to do. When no lines are being crossed, all those feelings have to go somewhere. The desire, the emotion, all come out when we're onstage and makes for a very good show. What if we lose that by making it real?
I was just told that I had such a nice smile on my face tonite. That I looked tired, but calm and truly happy. I was all of the above.
Geronimo..........
HRG
Sunday, January 23, 2005
Monday, January 17, 2005
Rainy Days and Mondays
Much as I hate the snow and cold, I hate rain and fog worse. And the color grey. Yuck. It makes me sad with no sun to warm my face and lift my spirits.
I hate feeling so bloody semi-mental. No I don't. Yes, I do. So it's raining and cold and foggy and well, grey, and what am I doing? Cleaning house and listening to the saddest songs ever written. Why must I torture myself this way? I'm an idiot.
An idiot who knows she's living a lie. Call me selfish, self-absorbed, whatever, but despite what's in my heart I do not have it in me to hurt the BF even though we both know this isn't working. Sigh. There is no easy solution here, either way, someone is gonna get hurt. It's the last thing I want to happen, but there is no avoiding it. It makes my heart feel so heavy in my chest.
I bet if sadness had a color it'd be foggy grey...........
HRG
I hate feeling so bloody semi-mental. No I don't. Yes, I do. So it's raining and cold and foggy and well, grey, and what am I doing? Cleaning house and listening to the saddest songs ever written. Why must I torture myself this way? I'm an idiot.
An idiot who knows she's living a lie. Call me selfish, self-absorbed, whatever, but despite what's in my heart I do not have it in me to hurt the BF even though we both know this isn't working. Sigh. There is no easy solution here, either way, someone is gonna get hurt. It's the last thing I want to happen, but there is no avoiding it. It makes my heart feel so heavy in my chest.
I bet if sadness had a color it'd be foggy grey...........
HRG
Sunday, January 16, 2005
New job worries
You know you'd think I'd be over the moon, dizzy with excitement over starting a new job. Instead, worry and self-doubt hang about like unwanted party guests. Only harder to get rid of.
What if I mess up? This is the first time I've been hired to start at the top, replacing a long-term and well loved Operations Manager (ok, I have to admit to loving the way those two words sound together). The staff all seem nice, but this is uncharted territory for HRG. I have the qualifications, the experience, and, according to one former boss, the uncanny ability to walk on water. I'm where I want to be, in retail, will have a free hand in choosing, marketing and merchandising product, the wage and perks are more than adequate, the hours perfect, no expectation to put in a bajillion hours a week overtime, etc. You get the picture. So what's with all the butterflies in my stomach, and now that Lipslut has returned to the world of the working, what am I going to feed them?
Maybe feeling nervous is a good thing. It's one thing to be confident, quite another to be cocky.
But what the hell, might as well hold my nose and jump in with both feet. Good thing I know how to swim.........
HRG
What if I mess up? This is the first time I've been hired to start at the top, replacing a long-term and well loved Operations Manager (ok, I have to admit to loving the way those two words sound together). The staff all seem nice, but this is uncharted territory for HRG. I have the qualifications, the experience, and, according to one former boss, the uncanny ability to walk on water. I'm where I want to be, in retail, will have a free hand in choosing, marketing and merchandising product, the wage and perks are more than adequate, the hours perfect, no expectation to put in a bajillion hours a week overtime, etc. You get the picture. So what's with all the butterflies in my stomach, and now that Lipslut has returned to the world of the working, what am I going to feed them?
Maybe feeling nervous is a good thing. It's one thing to be confident, quite another to be cocky.
But what the hell, might as well hold my nose and jump in with both feet. Good thing I know how to swim.........
HRG
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Ch-ch-ch-changes
Did I ever mention that life is funny sometimes?
2004 ended in an interesting way, 2005 began in an interesting way. What's interesting is the way the ending and beginning all happened in the 30 seconds before and after midnite. The gig went well, we played great, had fun and at midnite my entire world was turned upside down again. With a kiss. I'm not sure I've recovered yet. And no, we didn't cross that line, just kind of snuck a toe over.
I have to tell you though, it changed everything. I'm a little more cautious with MBF now than I was before. I feel a little awkward now. Unsure of what exactly my feelings are. I'm torn in half emotionally. I will not cheat on the BF. It's wrong and hurtful. After watching Mystery Mama get hurt by someone who wanted a little extra cake, I know that to do the same thing to someone else would be just so wrong.
But you know, it's a mighty tempting cake. I think it's probably wiser to stick to my diet, don't you?
HRG
2004 ended in an interesting way, 2005 began in an interesting way. What's interesting is the way the ending and beginning all happened in the 30 seconds before and after midnite. The gig went well, we played great, had fun and at midnite my entire world was turned upside down again. With a kiss. I'm not sure I've recovered yet. And no, we didn't cross that line, just kind of snuck a toe over.
I have to tell you though, it changed everything. I'm a little more cautious with MBF now than I was before. I feel a little awkward now. Unsure of what exactly my feelings are. I'm torn in half emotionally. I will not cheat on the BF. It's wrong and hurtful. After watching Mystery Mama get hurt by someone who wanted a little extra cake, I know that to do the same thing to someone else would be just so wrong.
But you know, it's a mighty tempting cake. I think it's probably wiser to stick to my diet, don't you?
HRG
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