8 Years

I drank for happiness and became unhappy.
I drank for joy and became miserable.
I drank for sociability and became argumentative.
I drank for sophistication and became obnoxious.
I drank for friendship and made enemies.
I drank for sleep and awakened without rest.
I drank for strength and felt weak.
I drank "medicinally" and acquired health problems.
I drank for relaxation and got the shakes.
I drank for bravery and became afraid.
I drank for confidence and became doubtful.
I drank to make conversation easier and slurred our speech.
I drank to feel heavenly and ended up feeling like hell.
I drank to forget and were forever haunted.
I drank for freedom and became slaves.
I drank to erase problems and saw them multiply.
I drank to cope with life and invited death.

Eight years ago today, I woke up knowing I was going to be sick. Another morning facing the dry heaves. We'd been at my brother's place, 4 of us had polished off 2 small bottles of wine with dinner the nite before. Not much alcohol, right? For some, but not for me. When I'd finished what had become a morning ritual, I opened the bathroom door and there stood my son, who was 9 at the time, and he looked at me with pity in his eyes. I wanted to die. No child should ever be ashamed of their parent, no child that age should behave like the parent, but there he was, loving his hungover Mum no matter what. I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach, although that could've been the dry heaves. It was at that moment I made my decision--I never wanted to see that look in his eyes again. I wanted better for him than that.
He may not even realize it, but he's saved me from myself more than once. My love for my only child has kept me going over the years. He's the sole reason I didn't end up as messed up as most of my friends. My first responsibility was to him. I brought him into the world, it was my job to keep him safe and happy. Other things come and go, but you only get one chance with your kids to get it right. If you don't, they end up as messed up as you are. To me it's tantamount to child abuse, and I loved (love) him far too much to see him end up that way.

So here I am, eight years later and still sober. There's not a lot of things I'm proud of, but maintaining sobriety is. Have I had shaky moments? Absolutely! The death of a parent, the break up of a relationship, cancer and still I manage to get thru it. Sober. With a clear head too.
Funny thing, when you feel you're at your absolute weakest point is when you find out that you're stronger than you know........

Where'd the time go?

Summer is just like our youth--gone far too quickly. I'm not unemployed anymore either. This is a good thing. Although between you and me, spending the summer at the beach, worshipping the sun from my floaty thing wouldn't have been all that bad. Still, I found work in recycling, spending my summer working outside--best job I've had since I was a kid. Let's see if I'm quite so gung ho once the cold and rain sets in. Two things I don't like to be are cold and wet. I still may end up working at Starbucks.