Being Groovy

Monday Monday

2011-05-23T10:12:00.001-07:00

...feels like Sunday. Long weekends do that to you. So many invitations filled HRG's calendar. Parties everywhere. Music. Food. Friends. Fun. And that babies, is exactly how it was. The best gatherings are the last minute, throw together ones aren't they? This one was. Food for the soul was served and heartily devoured. It was, in short, fabulous. My Goddess knew I needed it. Big time.

It's been a grade school sand throwing as of late, frustrating me so much that a mother-may-I-take-another-gianormous-step-backwards request was made and granted. If your always faithful and loving HRG could have anything, anything at all, this would be it:

I'd never want for money
I'd never want for friends
I wouldn't have to make excuses
For the shape that I'm in.

That would be perfect. I'm tired of having to be almost apologetic for being in shape. A married woman and all. And at my age! What is HRG trying to prove? If you feel bad about yourself, I will always lend an ear, be your cheerleader and encourage a healthy lifestyle. I will remind you to judge yourself by your accomplishments, not your dress size. Why instead take your insecurities and throw them at me? How is it MY fault that you're unhappy with your body? It's not my fault. I have nothing to prove. I am who I am. It makes me happy, TCB loves the fun and flirty person I used to be before all this silliness began. Hitting that milestone this year gave my balls back. I'm tired of trying to hide, tired of trying to melt into the background so as not to upset anyone, tired of dressing down, tired of pushing who I am down. I've done enough of that in my life. The people who are my friends, who believe the best in me first, who don't automatically assume I would've said and/or done something horrible simply because someone else told them I did, well babies, they get my time, my attention. The others simply aren't worth the energy it takes to banish them.

There is one question to be asked. I would always believe the best in those allowed close. I would never think that anyone I call a friend would say or do anything mean or nasty to hurt anyone. My first thought would be "no, they'd never do that!" And then I'd get to bottom of it right away. Why then would you not think the same of me?

Knowing there are people who's only exercise comes from jumping to conclusions and flying off the handle makes me sad babies, it truly does. But you know, I realize that this is their problem, not mine. I can't fix it for you at my own expense.

I have better things to spend my money on.

Like shoes.

Groovily yours,

HRG

There's A Price To Be Paid For Being Yourself

2011-05-14T09:46:00.000-07:00

...and sometimes babies, sad as it can be, it is money well spent.

This year I took control of my life, drew the line in the sand and starting standing up for myself again. Some people have a serious problem with that. It makes this groovy old heart hurt, in a big way. But that's ok. Life can't be sunshine and smiles all the time. That only happens on sitcoms. (side note: Chuck Lorre, wtf are you thinking? Ashton Kutcher? Seriously? Put the bong down and please please please rethink this)

I've been trying to come up with the right words, then my play list gave them to me.

So you think you're a winner
But you're losing points with every word you toss
And if you're only human
What gives you the right to be nailin' me up here on your cross?

Couldn't have said it better myself.

HRG

Songs On A Sunday Morning

2011-05-08T09:54:00.000-07:00

You know babies, sometimes the only way I can express myself is through music, more specifically, lyrics. They trigger emotions I try so hard to dismiss. I'm learning that's not a bad thing. What do you say we have a coffee or two and see where the play list takes us?

"Time cast a spell on you but you won't forget me
I know I could've loved you but you would not let me
I'll follow you down til the sound of my voice will haunt you
You'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loved you
Was I just a fool?"

My reunion with Krusty, such as it was, was short and sweet. Playing with him again brought so much out of both of us, and true to form, neither of us had to say a word. We let the music say everything that had already been said, and everything that hadn't been and needed to be. We make the choices we make, I understand now. We've come full circle and can be friends again. I've missed that bantering, the easiness of working together. Yes, I know it will never be the same, but that's the point. It's not supposed to be. What happens remains to be seen, and if anything, it'll be an interesting watch, don't you think?

You'll all have a front row seat. Isn't that exciting?!

"I have a lover who loves me
How could I break such a heart?
Yet still you beg my attention"

Saw HTBP not long ago. Happy looks good on him, it truly does. But babies, when he looked at me, well, the ego feed was fabulous. And that's all we need to say about that.

"I'm alright, I'm alright, it only hurts when I breathe."

Fear and Doubt moved in, lock, stock and barrel. "Oh sure" they whisper "he says you can trust him, but can you really? Look what happened the last time." It's up to me to come back, let my guard down and toss the unwanted heart guests out on their collective asses. I think I'm almost there. The stones around my heart are heavy.

Good thing these groovy old arms are strong, isn't it babies?

HRG

And NOW You Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful?

2011-05-08T08:57:00.000-07:00

...seriously?

Your insecurities are not my fault. Deal with them.

HRG

The Return of HRG

2011-03-17T18:49:00.000-07:00

Hello my babies! It's been so long since I've been here, I can't help but wonder if any of you even stop by to read these occasional whinings and chest thumpings. I've missed you all, the small handful who read these words, and I hope you've missed me too.

I went away for awhile, but I'm back now. Don't say I didn't warn you. So much has gone on over these past few months, some of it too much to share but too much to keep inside. There's a light on the horizon, and the breeze you feel is me exhaling. It's a good thing I work this groovy body as hard as I do. It's true that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, and well babies, HRG can now bench press 350. With one hand.

It's been months of good, bad and downright weird. We have some catching up to do, don't we? So, I'll dust off my soapbox, clear my throat and get ready to begin again.

It feel so fucking good to be back!

Always yours,

HRG

Once Again I Bit My Tongue

2010-07-21T09:00:00.002-07:00

.....so hard it'll need to be surgically re-attached. Good thing I have a surgeon on speed dial, isn't it babies? Here's why his services were required....this time.....

Picture if you will one HRG, broom and dustpan in hand, pondering life, love and the pursuit of happiness when.....

(middle aged man approaches, pauses a moment to inflate his ego and sense of superiority)

man: Good morning. (smiles at HRG)

HRG: (returns smile) Good morning.

man: (eyes broom with a measure of disdain) You know, if you had an education, you could get a real job.

HRG: (quickly looks around, mentally counts witnesses, thinking: You know, if you had a penis, you could be a real man...)

HRG: Yes, it is a gorgeous day, isn't it? (she smiles, looks him in the eye and with the slight lift of the eyebrow, deflates his ego on the spot)

That's how it really happened. It happened just that way. The day HRG socked it to the asshole with the mba.

HRG

You Could Be My Silver Spring

2010-06-24T10:15:00.003-07:00

Life has a way of passing you by sometimes, doesn't it babies? Days turn to weeks that turn to months, and you're left wondering where the time went. After all, wasn't it just yesterday that..(insert event here)....

It seems like it was just yesterday that I walked into the Glen Lake Inn and right into the strangeness that was Krusty. Someday I will write the ballad of Nancy and Krusty. Just not now. I have way too many other song lyrics running through this groovy head, it would just end up being a line stolen from each. Of course, if I were to use an auto-tuner and turn it into a rap song....

There I go again, tap dancing around saying what's in my heart. Or why it hurts so much. I don't quite understand it myself. I don't know why hearing a Daughtrey song on the radio had me sobbing in my chair. I don't know why I've listened to Silver Spring so many times my mp3 player actually sighs audibly when I scroll to the song, and the repeat function is suddenly, well, not functional. I'm going to have to start paying royalties to Stevie soon. We were friends, nothing more, nothing less. In my heart I always knew that I would never come first with him. Knowing that really was the reason I kept my feelings in check. My spidey sense was dead on. I felt no spark, no desire, no passion. No matter what you think your feelings are, to live a life never having sex again certainly wasn't in the cards for HRG.

We were Will & Grace. But you know babies, eventually, even they had to let go and move on.

And now he's gone back east to be with his father who is, sadly, not well. I'm glad he's done that, their issues should be resolved before it's too late. I understand why he left.

I just don't understand why he left without saying goodbye.

I just don't understand why it hurts so much.

HRG

Never Under Estimate The Power of "The Eyebrow"

2010-04-11T10:45:00.003-07:00

Good Morning babies! Looks like Spring is finally upon us. The sun is peeking out from behind the clouds, TCB is on holidays and we have a whole week to play in the dirt together. It's about time.

Ah, but HRG you ask, why should we never under estimate the power of the Eyebrow?

As you all know, leaving the nastiness of "the mistake" behind as the year and decade ended was done. None of that baggage was brought forward. It was my choice to stay, my choice to fix our marriage. I did this because I do love TCB and he knows what will happen if it ever happens again. He promised no contact with that...that....that....(well, I want to say woman, but you guys are all pretty creative people, so insert your own expletive here) I believed him. You see, I can feel it when she's been in contact. And, yes, I do check his phone, etc. regularly. I may have forgiven him, but we're not to the regained trust stage. Not yet. Still, I was pretty confident that she was banished forever.

Then I walked past the table where his phone was. And there it was, in a letter that was 10 feet tall and flashing. That letter? K. So I turned the phone on. I was right. There it was, a text message from her.

Now, two things could've happened. I could've dragged TCB out of bed by his balls and start yelling, or................

I could reply to the message.

So I did. Twice. The first message was short and to the point. "do not contact me again". That's pretty clear, yes? But I wasn't done. I sent another text that told her I was aware of what had happened and wondered if her husband would be as interested in all the things I have. I could feel her blood run cold. No, I didn't feel bad at all, but I knew (after all what's the good of having this spidey sense if I don't listen to it?) the point had been made. But it wasn't enough. So....a facebook message was sent. I was careful with my words and language. Losing my fb privileges because of that slut wasn't an option. Here was my message:

"Just a brief note to make sure you fully understood the text messages you received yesterday. I'd tell you my opinion of you, but I'm sure you already have a good idea. Would your husband be interested in copies of all the e-mails, messenger history and texts that I have? I bet he would. I may or may not send to him after all, but the beauty is you will never know when or if they'll just land in his lap. If you have any further contact, directly or indirectly, with TCB, I will publish everything I have in a very public place. Do you understand me? Find someone else's husband to screw around with."

Then I blocked her at every turn, opening a dialogue with her was not something I wanted. I know what they did, TCB has admitted it and now she can spend the rest of the year wondering if I actually will do anything with the things I found. I hope it eats her up inside. Then she can know how it feels.

The story has a happy ending (and no not the kind that started all this bullshit in the first place).I do believe she got the message. In glancing through another friend's list I saw she was gone. I checked his wife's list. Gone from there too. Good. She may have realized that she's insignificant and can be brought to her knees with the lift of an eyebrow.

Problem solved.

HRG

No Wonder The World Didn't Know What To Think

2010-03-01T09:24:00.002-08:00

......because for seventeen days we, as a country, stepped out of character and allowed ourselves to feel good about excelling at something. We waved our flags high, cheered loud and proud. The naysayers, the Cause For Hire morons will just have to find another cause they know nothing about to take up now, won't they? Like the rest of the world, I suspect they weren't quite ready for the backlash they received. Their message is lost when violence ensues. We're Canadian. We simply will not tolerate it.

Let's focus on the positive, shall we? Good. We won more medals than ever before, we won more Gold medals than any other country in Olympic history. None of our athletes were pulled out for illegal drug use, we won because we were the best. The high marks given by the IOC said it all. Today the world knows what we've always known ourselves.

We are as good as Gold!

HRG

The Art of Letting Go

2010-02-21T08:40:00.003-08:00

Good morning my babies! The sun is shining, the air filled with the promise of Spring. For us anyway. Not so much for the rest of the country. Sucks to be them. "Winters" like this are what brought HRG to this idyllic little rock. The urge to get everything in the ground now is strong, but patience is the key. We still get frost in the wee hours, so heavy this morning that the geese were slipping and sliding as they tried to land on the fields. It was funny. At least the gulls circling overhead thought so. Isn't it hilarious to hear birds laughing? A great way to start my day.

So, it's been a year since the store closed. There's a big empty hole where we used to be. It's time to get back out there and fill the in the spaces. Retail has a way of burning you out, and quickly, especially at the upper management level. I was so tired, so fed up with the public and to be blunt, hating old people. Their sense of entitlement never ceases to amaze and disgust me. Haughty attitudes in cheap shoes. More than once I wanted to reach over the counter and just start slapping. Once I actually asked someone if she kissed her grandchildren with that mouth. She'd reduced one of my staff to tears and well babies, that is something that is not acceptable.

Yet, I miss it. I was good at it too. That's something that no one can take away from me. Although some have tried by constantly hitting my knees and trying to pull the rug out from under these groovy feet. I'm tougher and stronger than that.

And really, let's face it, the last person you ever want to fuck with is a Witch.

It's been a grieving process, despite bi-polar man and a staff member or two who tried so hard to make my life miserable. Karma has a way of doling out payback babies, and sometimes it's a bitch, isn't it? The two who tried so hard to destroy me have fallen on hard times. I can't, don't and will never have any sympathy or empathy for them. You reap what you sow. Their fields are black and empty and will stay that way until they learn. They should have figured out by now that if they do want a job, using my name as a reference probably isn't a good thing. Privacy laws don't allow me to tell prospective employers all the reasons these people should never be hired, but I've learned to tap dance around the questions and give honest answers without trashing them. No matter what my feelings are, trashing them makes me look bad, and I do have a business reputation to think about. Say what you want about me (and some certainly do, don't they?), I spent five long years building relationships in a world that to begin with, I didn't think I belonged. I've worked hard to garner the respect I have. It's not something ever taken for granted. It's also a solid gold bargaining chip. I know what I want now, where I want to be and won't stop until I'm there.

So it's time to let go of Entree. I think less and less about the store now, those memories are in a brightly wrapped box, ready to placed neatly with the rest. Every now and again, I do take a box down, open the lid and revisit the happy times. Only the happy ones. The dark times are gone, banished to a place from which they can never return.

Sometimes though, in amongst the happy memories, an unanswered question or two will pop up.
And that's the point (I think) of this post.

Seeing the dynamic duo last weekend reminded me that maybe I hadn't let go of everything to do with them. It's sad to think they're cowards, hiding behind masks of self-righteousness. Ending friendships over who paid for a plane ticket? Pass me a note in gym. That was childish. What was gutless was their choice to dump all over Mystery Mama, thinking she was the weakest link. Horribly hurtful words were fired, every one a bullet, every one aimed at her. I've never been able to understand that. She didn't pay for the ticket. I did. I just didn't realize that permission had to be given first. Bad HRG! Bad HRG!!

So why not use me for target practice instead? Take your shots at the person who's to blame. It's the knowing I wouldn't run for cover, instead I'd grab the bullets out of the air and fire them back that had them taking pot shots at the wrong person. Shame on them.

But you know babies, some questions cannot be answered, sad and frustrating as that may be. Sometimes we have to ask them and then just release them, like balloons. They'll just float away to places unknown. Every now and then we may catch a glimpse of one, far away on the horizon, and for a brief moment, the question will be there. Then, just as suddenly, a breeze will gently push it away, gone as quickly as it appeared, leaving only the warm yellow colors of the happy memories hidden underneath. Turn your face to the warmth and remember these words:

You cannot move forward with one foot planted firmly in the past.

HRG

The Best Laid Plans Of Mice And Men And HRG

2010-02-15T06:46:00.004-08:00

..... will be guaranteed to get completely fucked up, leaving HRG once again looking and feeling like the bad guy. No matter that our planned weekend away also didn't happen. Once again, TCB stepped up at the last minute and took the on call phone. He had no choice actually, all he had was the bad timing of being the last one in the office on a day he'd already "compromised" on. By the time he'd had a minute to call and let me know, it was far too late to make other arrangements. How selfish would your HRG look, calling to say "oh by the way, my plans have changed, so drop what you're doing and pick me up". That would be inconsiderate. Our romantic getaway? Another time.....

Enough pouting and whining because it all turned out alright in the end. More or less. We made the best of a less than ideal situation. The upside, small as it is and even though I watched alone, seeing the opening ceremonies for the Olympics was well worth it. Technical glitch or two, but they matter not. It was spectacular, and we sure know how to throw a helluva party, don't we?

(sidenote: next party, nix the opera singer--are there words to the Olympic Hymn? Couldn't hear them, was too busy cleaning the blood out of the animals' ears. Bats were flying amok, screaming frantically over the noise, their little bodies slamming into buildings everywhere, it was sad, so very sad....)

Of course, all the brotherly love was forgotten the very next morning. Cowards, dressed in black, masks covering their faces as they threw newspaper boxes through plate glass windows and vandalized cars and buses. These Cause For Hire morons piss me off babies. They are so far removed from reality that it's frightening. This is what our universities are producing? A liberal arts degree, beard and an erasable sign are apparently the only tools you need to survive. Ok, to be fair, some of the women do shave. Occasionally. They're not even smart enough to realize that it's too late. Violence and vandalism will get their names in the paper though. Oooh, that outta get them laid. (babies, I'll stop now before this turns into a soap box rant--you're welcome)

In short we made the best of the time we had and it all turned out alright. It was busy for TCB, but we snuck some quality time in when we could. And that's all we'll say about that. Nothing more to see here, move yourselves along.....

Went to a really great concert last nite. One of the best I've seen in a long time, and probably the best Colin James has ever played and sounded. During intermission, I ran into, (almost literally, there were a lot of people there!) an old furry friend. She looked like a deer caught in the headlights. I could feel DTVCB not far away. I greeted her with a true warmth, that made her uncomfortable, at least she looked that way. What I wanted to say was:

"Really? All this over the principle of a plane ticket?"

What I said was:

"It's good to see you".

I meant it.

HRG

Speaking Of Things That Make Me Shake My Head

2010-01-30T10:50:00.003-08:00

We've been approached (as a Band) to play at this year's TC 10k run. It has the makings of a gig that good things could come out of, but.......

We would have to be on the lawns to set up at five o'clock. In the morning. Now would be a good time to point out that the run is on a Sunday. The sun does not wake up before seven o'clock. In the morning. They "probably" can find us some power from somewhere, but really, it'll be up to us. Good luck trying to find anyone who isn't carrying a protest sign, a tent and/or pushing a shopping cart there at five o'clock in the morning. Chances are it will rain, so they "probably" can find a tent or tarp for us to set up ourselves in case we need it. You know, because playing on the wet ground in the pouring rain is oh so safe, what with all the cords and all. What could possibly go wrong with a stage set up like that?

We'd play for "probably three or four hours" with few, preferably no breaks during that time. They would have full access to our sound system to use as they wish. They'd like us to consider this a "charity event", they could "probably" pay us a two hundred dollars to cover costs, but were making no promises.

I know it's Saturday babies, but let's brush up on our math skills, shall we? A minimum of ten thousand people run this race. The cost to enter is thirty five dollars. Three hundred and fifty thousand dollars (low ball figure, an estimated thirteen to fifteen thousand people will run this year) is a pretty good take, doncha think? Out of all of that, they can "probably" pay us?

Let me have a moment. Let me have another one. We probably won't do it.

Is this what runner's high is? Losing complete touch with reality? If that's the case, well , your humble HRG will keep right on walkin'....

Tsk Tsk Tsk

2010-01-30T08:50:00.004-08:00

.........is really all I have to say. Ok, maybe not the only thing I have to say, but right now.....

Someone in TCB's family told me I was less than a good parent for not clinging so tightly to my adult child that he couldn't breathe. It's our "job" to protect them, no matter what they've done, no matter what the cost. I don't agree with that, never have, never will. How do they ever learn about life and struggles if not encouraged to set out on their own? How do they learn to get around if never allowed or encouraged to do it on their own? Chauffeur my grown son around to everything? Refuse to let him move out and live on his own or throw a tantrum when he does?Not likely. J laughed so hard at this and reminded me to consider the source and let it go. He's right. What an adult thing to say! But, what do I know? Being a horrible parent (and as a result, a horrible person) and all. To suggest that HRG is less than a loving, caring parent, less than a loving, caring human being cut me to the quick. The insults went farther than that, but that's not what we're here to talk about this morning.....

Before everyone get their panties in a twist and jumps to conclusion that I'm speaking directly to them....read on..... you see, this is the result of coddling.............

There's been a high profile case here. A man was murdered. Beaten to death in what was ultimately decided to be "self defence". Bullshit, plain and simple my babies. Bullshit. Ken Brotherston and his sons not only beat a man to death, but prevented anyone from calling for help and took the long way before dumping his body at the police station.

Why were they being blackmailed to the tune of a hundred grand? If they'd done nothing wrong, then why not just call the police? But you see babies, the sons had done something wrong, lots and lots of something wrong. And the one person who could've shone light on why he was attempting to extort that amount of cash was conveniently taken care of.

At any point the police could've been called. The Brotherstons had the choice of involving the authorities and letting them deal with it. Instead, they chose to appoint themselves judge, jury and executioner. They chose to beat a man nearly to death, and then watched him die as they took their time driving to get help. They stopped others from calling for help. They wanted Keith Taylor to die--their secrets died with him. Or so they think. The truth has a way of getting told, one way or another. It will come out. Eventually. Hopefully before they decided to teach someone else lesson.

But there's more, my babies! The sons, Ken jr and Greg (no acronyms here either, their names should never be forgotten....even though they are nothing more than low level thugs) were not supposed to be in the same place at the same time. Neither was to consume alcohol. Yet, there they were, their happy little family, with Ken sr and (mom) Marie feeding them booze, enabling the behaviour.....Both parents with their heads so far up their asses, choosing to ignore the obvious. You can't live in a very small, elitist area without knowing what everyone is up to. Worried that Keith Taylor was a dealer and addict? Look at your own Ken and Marie, Big time dealers, low rent thugs. In short, trailer trash. Just the way you raised them. I bet you're proud.

And now they've gotten away with it. Watching them smirk and swagger on the news made this groovy heart sick sick sick.

This brought back painful memories of something that happened to loved one of an old friend. He too was beaten to death by someone who had something to hide. Someone who could've called the police, but chose not to. He didn't have to die at the hands of someone else. Well, at the feet of someone much bigger who stomped on him so hard the internal damage done was ultimately fatal. And an innocent little girl grew up without her Dad. There was no justice for DT, he died and the person (can't call him a man, now can we?) who murdered him did less than three years at Club Fed. He's still dealing, still a thug, yet he walks free.

He's probably waiting at the bar to buy the Brotherstons the first round.

A hex on all of them!

HRG

A Little More Justice

2010-01-26T13:47:00.003-08:00

....came for Nina today.

Forgive the re-posting of an old rant, babies, but as some of you are well aware, there was something about this case that hit this groovy old heart, and hard. For whatever reason, seeing Nina's picture for the first time struck me with an almost maternal pain. I can't explain it. Some things just stick with you.

Justice June Ross deserves an award! In overturning the manslaughter conviction which would've seen Stephanie Bird eligible for day parole this year, she instead sentenced her to life with absolutely no chance of parole for ten years. She has ten more years of incarceration to work in turning her life around. Does rehabilitation really work? Time will tell. But the stigma will follow her to the end of her life and beyond. She will always be regarded with suspicion and mistrust. She will always be isolated and shunned. If old traditions were still truly practiced, she would be shamed and cast out. Instead she will be locked away. At last someone had the balls to hold this girl accountable for her actions. Somebody finally spoke up for Nina.

Her name was Nina Courtepatte and she will always be 13 years old.

HRG

Sunday, May 04, 2008/Her Name Was Nina (republished)

2010-01-26T13:37:00.002-08:00

.........and she was 13 years old.

Three years ago she was lured away from a mall. Sadly, the truth is she wasn't lured away at all. She was chosen by a group of late teens/early twenties. They wanted to kill someone. Anyone. Didn't matter who. So they randomly chose her. They convinced her to go to a bush party with them.

Then they beat, repeatedly raped her in the most horrific of ways, mutilated and then killed her.

Her name was Nina. She was 13 years old.

All but one involved has been sentenced. It's this last one that has my blood boiling.

I hate it when the race card is played. Two sets of rules should absolutely NOT exist! And yet this girl's lawyer seems to have a deck full of them.

Yes. You read it right. Girl. She was 17 at the time, and now her lawyer is arguing that she doesn't deserve federal jail time. Oh sure, she was the one who did the talking to Nina. She was the one who convinced her to go to the "party". She was the one who struck the first blow to Nina's head. With a lead pipe. She held Nina down while she was repeatedly assaulted and tortured. She helped murder her. Then she helped hide the body. And then she helped cover up the crime.

According to her lawyer, here's why she doesn't deserve to go to jail for life:

"Colleen Connolly, argued that the woman's youth and her status as an aboriginal must be considered. The woman is 20 now, but was 17 at the time of the crime. Her aboriginal mother was a drunk. The woman was sexually abused as a young child. Connolly asked for a seven-to-11-year sentence, and that the woman be given as much as double credit for the three years she has already spent in custody."The imposition of a life sentence is rare," Connolly said."

WTF? Since when does someone's race come into play? If a caucasian kid had been involved in Nina's death, there would be screams of racism, it would be made into a hate crime. What fucking difference does the race of the murderer make? Special consideration for being First Nations? Give me a break. What this "young woman" participated in was of her own choice--she has shown no remorse for her actions. That was pointed out by several court appointed psychiatrists. The defence declined to call their own experts to the stand. What does that tell you?

Oh but wait, there's more:

"Connolly has asked the court to impose a permanent publication ban, so that the woman's name will never be known to the public. If the young woman is named, Connolly said that would possibly upset her drug rehabilitation and haunt her wherever she goes. "She is always going to be (the one) who committed the golf course murder who took Nina Courtepatte's life."

Because lord forbid she actually be held RESPONSIBLE for her heinous crime. And it certainly wouldn't be fair to upset her, now would it? No no no no no. It wasn't her fault really. See? Here's the race card. Fifty two of them actually.

I don't give a rat's ass what color her skin is. That remorseless bitch should be locked up for life. None of this Karla Holmoka deal bullshit either. The race card should be burned, the door locked, the key thrown away. Do the crime, do the time.

For the record, Nina was First Nations. What "special considerations" were shown to her?

Her name was Nina. She was 13 years old.

HRG

Happy 50th Anniversary

2010-01-16T10:30:00.003-08:00

Good morning Babies! The sun is shining, the deluge of wet stuff poured on us from above (by what must be very bored angels) has stopped and our safe lives go on. Let's all take a moment to remember those whose entire lives were changed, forever, in thirty seconds. In less time than it takes us to make microwave popcorn, everything they knew was gone. Somehow it makes all of our day to day dramas a little less important, doesn't it?

Today marks what would've been my parent's golden anniversary. Fifty years. I never really understood the dynamic of their marriage. In some ways, that they stayed together until she died is still beyond my comprehension. It wasn't until after she was gone that I came to understand how much my father loved her, despite everything. All those years of being told what a horrible, controlling man he was, yet she stayed. I never understood why. Now I do. Probably better that the whole truth wasn't known until after. There's another secret kept between me and my father. Did you ever see the movie "Same Time, Next Year"? That was her life. My siblings know nothing of the 25+ year affair and never shall. No good can come from the telling.

It helps to know that in the beginning they were so much in love. Their early years, while trying at times, were good ones. We were all wanted and planned children, my early family memories are good ones. It's the good years we'll silently celebrate. At some point today, my father will smell her perfume, if only briefly....

I hope he smiles.

HRG

Letters I've Written..Never Meaning To Send

2010-01-12T09:37:00.002-08:00

Did we all survive our lack of New Year's parties everyone? Did you remember to leave your baggage somewhere it would never be found? Hey, if you're looking for fun, leave it at the airport, that'll really mess security up, won't it? Maybe it'll stop the airport authority from demanding that little old ladies unzip their trousers. Pervert.

But I digress....

The year is off to a good start for HRG. As promised, forgiveness was given at midnite and when these groovy eyes opened on New Year's Day, when the foggies cleared after that oh-so-important first cup of Buckstars French roast (which was once loudly declared to be tasteless, despite the special trip and $17 lb. cost, and it was preferred it not be made in the "good" coffeemaker, a comment that cut deep.....) my first thought wasn't a bad one. TCB promised he'd let it all go, cut all contact and my spidey sense tells me he's being truthful.

Waking filled with hope and happiness for the first time in months and months felt so wonderful. Life, while still filled with some uncertainty, feels good and right again. It feels relaxed with TCB, like it used to--hell, at the end of last rehearsal, when we were tearing down, a song that means something to us started playing. We had a moment. We slow danced and for that minute, it felt like there was no one else there. Until someone coughed that embarrassed "hey, it's not fun watching you 'coz we know you" cough that is. It felt like this heart would explode. Fear and Doubt ran for cover, Hope threw open the windows to allow the sunshine and fresh air in again. It even feels different walking into our cute little bungalow. Staying was the right choice. I know TCB will be more cautious about his choices from now on. Onward we go. Together.

This past Sunday we gathered again, musicians and friends, to bid farewell to a man who led an interesting and ultimately extraordinary life. No acronyms today my babies, Edward 'Tat' Tatoosh was a teacher of language and life. Coming from extremely rough beginnings in an extremely tough mill town, he experienced it all. Good and Bad. Time in prison as a young man, alcoholism, drug addiction, horrifying abuse at every turn could have had him homeless and dead a long time ago. Instead, he turned it around. He became a counsellor, a mentor, an inspiration to the youth he tried so hard to reach. Heavily involved in land claims issues at the federal level, he was also a huge proponent of taking responsibility, he did not suffer fools gladly, and had no time to play what he called the "Blame Game".

Tat was also a great Bluesman and that is how we met. At a jam. Fifteen years ago. Paul introduced us. I had to take a step backward--he radiated a power that I can't explain. His colors were bright and flashing, yet at the same time there was an aura of calmness about him. You all know my trust issues run deep, yet at that moment I'd have turned my life over to him. He was kind and you just knew you'd always be safe with him. His face heavily wrinkled with the stories of time, his eyes all seeing, sparkling with mischievous wit....in short, one of the kindest men I've ever met. The Dream Catcher he made for me still hangs over my side of the bed. He helped open my eyes to so many things, helped me learn to not be afraid of what I am, instead to learn my craft and how to handle the dreams and spidey sense moments. I'm still learning, now I have a guide to help. For that, I am eternally grateful.

I thank The Fates for the honor and privilege of having been called his friend.

Humbly,

HRG

The End Of A Decade

2009-12-31T12:47:00.002-08:00

It hardly seems possible that ten years have come and gone. Are any of you where you thought you'd be when this decade began? Your humble HRG certainly isn't. Not even remotely close.

It's been a tough year, babies. Emotionally speaking, probably the toughest year I've ever had. Learning how to survive TCB's mistake has been so difficult. There was a time when I didn't think we were going to make it, then again, there was a time when I could look at him and not want to smash his face too. We will make it though. He, us, this marriage are all worth the second chance and the work that lies ahead of us. I know this because I can look at him now and smile instead of wanting to smash his face. The last things I'll say to him as the clock strikes midnite are I love you and I forgive you. And I will mean it.

All the other memories of this past year have been put into their boxes. Some buried, some burned, some tossed out like the trash they are, some tucked neatly away, in bright, shiny boxes. There should be no negative thoughts, no sense of loss when you open your eyes tomorrow morning babies. Put this year behind you, move forward, look inward and find the answers you've been looking for. Instead of being afraid of life, live it! As we all know all too well, it can be over in the blink of an eye. A life unlived is a life wasted. And that's a shame, isn't it?

"But HRG" you ask, "how can we live the same amazing life you do, hob nobbing with local radio personalities and people who look like they might be someone famous?" You can start like this: dance on tables with waiters you've never met, run around the house in your underwear, singing off key (it's preferable that you do this in your own house....alone...), love your friends, love yourself (I promise you won't go blind or to hell for it), forgive, accept and embrace what awaits. It's gonna be pretty cool. I promise.

Happy New Year my Babies!

With love and thanks,
HRG

So Tonite I'm Gonna Party

2009-12-27T09:21:00.002-08:00

...like it's 1999....

As I recall babies, there were very few parties going on at the end of 1999, everyone so paranoid that the world as we knew it would cease to exist, the computers on which we'd become so attached would have meltdowns when the date rolled over. We'd open our eyes to a Terminator:Rise Of The Machines existence. Instead of fireworks, joyful yelling and screaming, hugs and kisses, the world took a deep breath at 11:59:59.

Then at 12:00:02 a.m. we exhaled. (let's add that to the "never mind that the planet is still evolving, we have to blame people breathing for global environment crisis" list shall we?) For those that ran up gianormous debt, thinking, hoping, the world would end...sure sucked to be you that first day of Y2K, didn't it?

Guess what? We're still here, computers still rule our lives, or rather our addiction to them does. The world did not melt down. The sun rose exactly the same way it has for a bajillion years. The new decade, the new millennium began with a whimper and collective sigh. We should've been excited about our future! Not paranoid and fearful, hiding behind closed curtains, waiting......

My babies, we live in the most exciting time in history! Technology advances at a dizzying pace, the world has been opened up in a way that we'd never even dreamed possible--say what you want about Bill Gates, HRG shall always be grateful for his vision. Without it, why however would you all be entertained by these whinings and general observations of life?

There are many changes ahead for all of us. Some will find themselves in places and situations they never once imagined they'd be. Some will find the happiness they thought impossible. And some will stand alone at the crossroads, wondering which direction to take, knowing the first tentative steps will be painful, no matter which path they choose. Look in your heart, don't be afraid of the honesty there...a new decade is about to begin!

HRG

So I Was Thinkin'...

2009-12-03T23:42:00.003-08:00

that instead of sitting here playing pinball and reading too much news that pisses me off, maybe it would be a good idea to write some of the crazy thoughts that run through my head faster than fibre through TCB. Or maybe that's a bit too much information.

Strange, isn't it babies, how life has a way of taking you back to the beginning when you're not sure where to go. Five years ago The Fates decided it was time to pull the rug right out from under HRG's feet. Finding myself in the same situation again frightens me a little. Someone please remind me, just every now and again, that despite the similarities, that was a time of endings. Some pretty wonderful things came out of it then and they will now. Right? Right?

Hey, if God really did create the world and all life, where'd Satan come from?
(thanks for sharing my ADD moment)

It's December now, getting time for the year in review. Not just a year in review tho, it's a decade gone by now. How did that happen? And just what do we call this decade anyway? The Oughts, The Zeroes? Personally I think it should be called the 'Ohs. Like 'Oh look, they put a moron in charge of the red button . 'Oh they've done it again. Or something like that.

Remember how we were all going to change the world and then along the way we realized it had changed us? Oh to be that naive, that idealistic....that young...wouldn't it be cool?

Oh, who am I kidding. No way you could pay me enough to be thirteen again.

HRG

The Pineapple Express

2009-11-16T11:05:00.002-08:00

...should bring those white foamy drinks in silly glasses, sunshine, coconut and pineapples dammit!

Apparently not. It's brought rain, lots and lots of rain. A good day to stay inside and finish sorting out the cupboards above the stove. Which is what should be occupying HRG's time at the moment.

But there's still half a cup of too much coffee left, so let's play awhile shall we babies?

You know, it's nice when bureaucrats surprise you, isn't it? As you all know from my endless whining about it, there's a mess in front of our cute little house. Some of you may have even seen it, although there seems to be less traffic in our neighborhood now that the brightly colored port-a-pottie is gone. A phone call was made. Just one. They called back just like they said they would! Wow. And he was awesome, gave us the heads up about further construction and then gave HRG permission to rope off the grassy part on the other side of the fence! No red tape, just a simple conversation. Problem solved. It was a nice start to my day.

Then I read the papers. I've come to the conclusion that, present company and rabid fans excepted, people are stupid and I hate them. It stands to reason that if these things make me so crazy, then maybe not reading them would be the smart thing. Yes and no. You can't work for change if you're unaware of what's going on in the world. Seeing the inherent evil in people makes me look that much harder for the good. Without that balance, it would be insanely depressing. Without that balance there would be no hope. It's a big important word. Let's remember that, shall we?

Now, to be fair, there are "news" stories out there that do show not all people are soulless, some are just plain stupid. It's been said that stupid should hurt, like brain freeze or a really sharp noise. I agree. So very very many stupid people are out there babies, too many. And they're allowed to breed. People like that should be quarantined and sterilized.

Like the people who brought their ten year old daughter to a comedy show on Friday nite. And sat right up front. This is a well known comedy tour, these comics aren't telling knock knock jokes or cavorting onstage with a purple dinosaur. The only question to be asked really is...."wtf were you THINKING?!!" It was so unfair to everyone. The comics handled is well, although every one of them took a jab at the "responsible" parents. The audience agreed. No, they did not completely sanitize their show either, the consequence being the parents now have to explain stuff. Grown up stuff. Said with grown up words. Payback's a bitch babies, sometimes it truly is.

So there.

HRG

Flashbacks

2009-11-13T11:08:00.000-08:00

....of our debut gig have us all fired up. This project has been worth the endless rehearsals, we gelled when and where it counted. Onstage. To a packed to the rafters, very appreciative house. At the end of the nite someone said to us that it was like we called her, asked what her favorite 36 songs were and then played them all. Even the Bay City Rollers song. With a giggle and a grin HRG will admit we did it babies. We played Saturday Night and they went wild. It looked and felt like a director yelled "ACTION!" Suddenly we were filming a video. Not literally, but well, you know. Absolutely everyone was singing along, pumping their fists in the air, the bartenders were dancing, waitresses too..... For the record, the men yelled much louder than the women. It was a "we were.....and....." moment.

And it was cool, being worshipped again. It was the first time in a long time, too long a time, that HRG was let out of her cage. It felt good.

A sort of spidey sense moment told me old and missed friends were there for a short time, at the back where they couldn't be seen. Then again, sometimes wishful thinking gets in the way.

The end of the year is, believe it or not, only about 48 days away my babies. I've been rearranging shelves, moving boxes, making room for new ones. The temptation to open some of them is too much, and yes, sometimes I do re-visit the memories, but only the good ones. They are the only ones that count.

You know babies, I've rambled on about nothing really, which wasn't my intention when I sat down, but this groovy tummy has started making sounds like cats being tortured and the neighbors look worried.

Let's blame it on the one who is too far away and her grilled cheese sandwich.

HRG

Today's Target

2009-11-05T09:42:00.003-08:00

....is mould! Not the fun kind that jello gets made in, but the icky black kind. What I thought were just a few spots turned out to be much worse! For unknown reasons, maybe he thought he saw a bright shiny thing or something, TCB moved my dresser. And there it was, nonchalently making it's way up the wall. That would explain the whistling sound. Like it was rocking on it's heels (or in this case the stucco on the wall), using the few spots as a decoy, looking all Eddie Haskell at us. TCB wanted to kill it there and then. However, after yesterday's massacre, the needed supplies were gone. "Just you wait" I whispered "tomorrow is your day". I swear I heard a defiant snort. It should've listened, but no..........................

This morning he got up early and went to get bleach, rubber gloves, masks and green garbage bags. You know, like every mass murderer you see in every csi-cop-show-you've-ever-watched carries around. He even wanted to blow off work and help.

Does that make him helpful or an accomplice?

HRG

It's Been A Long Time....

2009-11-04T09:51:00.003-08:00

....been a long time, been a long and lonely, lonely, lonely.............. time

Yes it has. Good morning babies. While the sun plays hide and seek with the clouds, perhaps putting down some of the bajillions thoughts that run through my mind might be a good way to pass the time. Let's pour a cup and chat awhile, ok?

This self-imposed exile has made me realize that this hasn't been about me, about something being so wrong with me that he'd step outside looking for what I couldn't give him. It's a normal reaction, to blame yourself when infidelity happens. It's also been said that it takes two to make or break it, somehow implying that had I'd been a better woman, he wouldn't have strayed. Bullshit! There's nothing wrong with me, this is about his choices, his immaturity. This new knowledge, or rather the acceptance of it, really is helping me learn how to be me again. I miss her, the HRG persona. The flirty fun side of me that has been held hostage by Fear and Doubt for far too long. It is ok to flirt, it's knowing when not to cross the line. Thank you Mystery Mama, for reminding me of that. I've always said that you don't sleep with them all, you just made them wish you had. Time for Dr. HRG to take a little of her own advice, don't you think babies?

It's taken awhile to find my footing again. I still falter from time to time, like the complete meltdown of last week. Hanging my groovy head and admitting that it was completely my fault just doesn't seem like enough. Yes babies, HRG was out of line. TCB wore what was the last of the rage and hurt and this time, had done nothing to deserve it. Well, in all fairness, he was awake and breathing.....

I've also learned that even though I've been done with "that" for years now, apparently PMS isn't removed from the equation. The cravings (gimme that gianormous bag of Lay's Wavy and keep your fingers out of the way!!), moodiness, extreme emotional crap, well, let's just say TCB didn't stand a chance. And he didn't know what hit him. Poor bastard. It seems so unfair to have the symptoms, but not the end result. At least one could garner a little sympathy, maybe even some forgiveness for being such a complete bitch if one were, oh I don't know, lying on the couch, eating chips and bleeding to death.

Speaking of bleeding to death, did you know that weeds do that? Bleed to death I mean. The weeds are moving slowly towards the house now, shoulder to shoulder in a show of solidarity. Surely they all won't fall victim to the Claws of the Kicker.

Yes. Yes, they will.

Let's add mass murderer to the list of HRG's many, many talents.

HRG

Out Of Body Experiences

2009-10-16T09:34:00.003-07:00

Good morning my babies! Emerging from the ickiness, able to concentrate has HRG perusing the papers, and as always, finding things that not only piss me off, but some that have me shaking my groovy head, wondering wtf?

Quick synopsis: Two people die, and approximately nineteen others are hospitalized in serious condition after a sweatlodge "ceremony" held by yet another self-proclaimed prophet/psychic/demi-god. Apparently, denying oneself of all food and liquid for a period of thirty six hours will allow you to have the "ultimate out-of-body-experience". Wow. Makes me wish I'd been told about this years ago. Imagine how many pillows could've been pulled out from under how many heads if being rewarded with water was the ultimate goal! But still it's so unbelievably and truly bizarre that I couldn't not share this direct quote:

"A woman identified as Barb told the callers that a channeler at the retreat last Friday said the deceased had an out-of-body experience during the sweat lodge ceremony and "were having so much fun that they chose not to come back." "

Oooh, I'm having a serous psychic moment....I see all of you...sitting at your computers, shaking your heads and laughing.....

HRG

Since Song Lyrics Seem To Say It All

2009-10-02T10:54:00.002-07:00

....let's carry on with them, shall we babies?

"If I'm not blind
Why can't I see
That a circle can't fit
Where a square should be"

And that about sums it up.

There's been so much to be excited about since my last post, which, yes I know, was a long time ago, and so much sadness and uncertainty too. Sorry babies. Trying to heal, trying to find my place, feeling like I'm on the outside, looking in.

And alone. Very very alone. Not in a feel sorry for myself kind of way, it's different than that. Being betrayed, losing the trust in TCB shook me to my core. It's getting better, but I still have my days when I need to vent and be angry and allow myself to hurt, all in order to heal. It's hard enough for me to reach out, so to be dismissed.....makes me wonder why some topics are years old, yet still discussed, yet something relatively fresh is met with sighs of "enough already..."

Perhaps it is. Enough. Maybe I should write a book "How to Get Over It In 16 Weeks Or Less". Instant best seller. Move over all you tv "doctors"--HRG is moving in.

So....onto other things.

So much has happened since my last post, some good, some not so good, but life's like that. Our vacation back to the place I hate to be was better than last year by a long shot. There was much laughter and euchre and music and friendship and love and lobster--all good for the soul. As always, we are forever in debt to our friends for opening their home to us.

TCB's Mom was so happy to see him. We'd been led to believe she was basically a drooling idiot now. So far from the truth! She has her good days and bad days, but is still highly functional. Time spent with her was too short, but wonderful all the same, and in retrospect, I'm not sorry we changed our holiday plans at the last minute.

Of course, no vacation involving TCB and HRG would be complete without getting lost. TCB did not disappoint. Once again, the gps was offered and declined.....

Guess what TCB is getting for xmas this year?

TCB also hit a milestone birthday and managed to get away with it. There's a part of me that wonders if he's a bit put out that there wasn't a huge party or a huge fuss. He'd insisted on dinner, just the four of us, and then there was the gig the next nite, and the after gig party the nite after that..... All that and I did get him the silly scope he'd been wanting. He said it was exactly how he'd wanted it. We'll roast him in five years. Maybe by then he'll look closer to fifty than forty. Bastard. (all you who know TCB know exactly what I mean)

There's more my babies, isn't there always? But for now, taking advantage of a day with no rain is necessary. Having to go back to work and soon makes getting the yard done all that more urgent. I will be back with more posts, I promise.

Because I've read a lot of news articles lately.....and my soapbox is freshly painted....

Don't say I didn't warn you.

HRG

Sorry Pete

2009-10-02T10:46:00.003-07:00

(apologies to the Who)

Ever since the store closed
HRG's been kind of bored
She dug out her gardens
Worked in a dollar store
Then she put her fingers
Onto that keyboard
And now our HRG
Sure plays a mean pinball

High Score: 4,829,250

HRG

Tanning My Legs

2009-08-04T20:42:00.002-07:00

.....was done in a few short days. Good thing they turned a beautiful brown before I melted. It was stupid hot babies, and in spite of HRG's renowned love of all things sunny and warm, it was too much. Truly it was. The almost 20 degree drop in temperature is a bit much though. One extreme to another. You'd think MN would cool us off gradually. Nope. Her hot flash is over. For now. Another is never far behind. Trust me on this.

If I have to be unemployed, then I'm happy it's now. It's given me time to catch up with the yard. I've decided to let the lawn die. There is so capital punishment in Canada. We're just so civilized that we allow foliage, not people, to die. We'll condemn it to a purgatory spent as straw without so much as a by your leave. You see, if the lawn dies, the weeds die along with it. That's my theory. Next month, after the Harvest Moon, it will be re-seeded, the fall rains will feed it, the winter will hibernate it and the spring will bring forth a lush, rolling bed of green. One so soft people will beg to walk across it in their bare feet.

Yeah, that's how it'll be.

It's been really hot, I should've worn a hat.

HRG

The Death Of A Salesman

2009-07-25T08:58:00.003-07:00

Good Morning my babies. Before we begin, a gianormous thanks to all of you for your thoughts and concerns. It's been a strange week, to say the least. One loss has rocked HRG to her groovy core, the other has brought about quiet celebration.

Today we'll talk about the loss. I've ranted and written over the past five years about bi-polar man. He was so very hard on me at work. To his credit, once his bullying behaviour was addressed, he tearfully apologized and tried harder not to be so hard on me. Most of the time he did ok. I understood him. It didn't always make it right, people wondered why I stayed, and truthfully, sometimes I wondered that myself. The ups were wonderful, and inside was a good man who came from very dysfunctional beginnings. Had that side of him not been shown, then I'd have left the store two years before it closed. Given all that, that his sudden death hit me so hard still has me scratching this groovy head (note to self, remembered to scratch both sides so the dents are even). Hearing the news, feeling the despair in Carole's voice as she told me..........

I'm glad our last meeting was a happy one. Breakfast, just the four of us, lots of laughter and catching up done. We had no issues between us, Joe and I. Nothing left unsaid, forgiveness asked and unhesitatingly given. He was an important part of my life. He was in turns my employer, my mentor and my friend. In a very strange way, it feels like my own father has died. I can't explain it really.

I'd like to share some words of wisdom with you:

"I think it makes sense. Sometimes we get wired up to people we work with or work for. Even though things were tough at times I think he respected you alot and, in your own way, you respected him as well. I think he set high standards for you and you will carry those with you always. It’s made you a better employee and an excellent manager. That’s alot of influence in it’s own subtle way. I know that if my first boss, Garth, were to leave us it would affect me alot. He set very high standards for me that I still carry as part of my work ethic to this day, and I have always respected him for having that much confidence in me. I suspect it is the same for you with Joe."

That's what TCB said. He's right.

I was asked to sing at Joe's memorial yesterday. It was what he'd wanted. It was SO hard, I cut the song short (in a way that no one would know. I had to stop before the tears came--I was wearing "waterproof" mascara and the flowers below were white. Black smudges just simply wouldn't do!) Afterwards, Carole hugged me so hard and said "Thank you, the song was perfect and it was the fitting end to the service. Joe would've been so happy and proud."

The song? Ain't No Sunshine. Performed a capella. TCB was supposed to sit in on bass, just adding subtle tones, but funny thing, suddenly there was no power going to the outlet where he'd plugged in. Yes, it had been tested before the service started. I guess Joe just wanted to hear me. I can live with that.

I'll miss him.

HRG

No Time Left For You (or you or you or you)

2009-07-11T07:29:00.003-07:00

Good Morning My Babies!

After a few days of badly needed rain, the sunshine returns. After several years of living with the bitchy La Nina, her much calmer brother, El Nino has settled in. Much like HRG, El Nino loves the sun and the warm temperatures. Gracias! There will be no beaching it today though. The sting is finally gone from the back of my legs, but the redness and tenderness remain. Therefore, no over exposure to the sun. It's not worth the pain.

Maybe tomorrow.

Today we'll talk about time. How fast it flies, how there is never enough of it......

Through the grapevine I hear that the middle critter of DTVCB will be married today. This is wonderful news. It's a shame we all can't be there to celebrate. I remember when the soon-to-be newlyweds first met, how sweet it was to see them holding hands, walking across the parking lot at the megaboxstupidstore we all worked at. It seems like yesterday, not more than five years ago now. This is the example of how time flies. They are a terrific couple and I wish them many years of happiness. I only hope that DTVCB is included and not shut out. Whether he still speaks to me or not, I will always consider both him and his furry sidekick as my friends, and never wish anything bad on them. This should be a day of love and happiness.

There's also been some talk about HRG's lack of communication. Let's walk through my average day, shall we?

6 a.m.

The alarm beeps, one or two kitties are there to pull back the covers (no hitting the snooze button when they're hungry). HRG's feet hit the floor, headed towards the kitchen. Coffee is made. Straightener plugged in and warmed up. Sipping fresh coffee, fighting with this mop called hair, trying to read messages and the paper at the same time. HRG, the Queen of MultiTasking.

6:40 a.m.

Shower, make up, get dressed. Working with the public means always looking good. No hair in pony tail, makeupless face or putting on whatever is handy.

7:05 a.m.

Make a fresh pot of coffee, wake TCB. Put dishes away, tidy up, go outside to water the garden (unless TCB is in the shower, in which case HRG has 15 minutes to answer an e-mail or leave a FB note)

7:40 a.m.

Double check food and water, it's hot and the critters will need fresh water all day. Get workstuff together, get in the car and go.

8:10 a.m.

Early morning city traffic is a bitch. Seems we all take the same "shortcut" to work. TCB drops me off, I walk the rest of the way. It's the only alone time I get every day. Fifteen minutes. Wow. This is the time I use to learn new material. I get no time to actually rehearse it.

8:25 a.m.

Keys in hand, the door to the store in unlocked, alarm turned off and HRG's workday begins.

6 p.m.

TCB is waiting to take me home. Like Mystery Mama, my day is spent on my feet (no sitting down at all!) lifting boxes, up and down ladders, moving, moving, moving. Anyone interested in knowing exactly how HRG manages to stay a trim size one outta do my job for a week.

6:30 p.m.

The same early morning traffic takes the same "shortcut" home at nite. Twenty or thirty minutes in the car beats an hour on the bus by a long shot. It's almost an hour on the bus from the mall where I work to home. Check the transit schedule.

7 p.m.

The great dinner discussion has taken place, now it's cooking.

7:30 p.m.

Eat. Watch Jeopardy with TCB.

8:00 p.m.

Drag the lawnmower out and deal with the grass and weeds. Water (and lightly weed) the gardens.

8:30 p.m.

Exhaustion has set in, but there's laundry to be done, after dinner clean up, paperwork.......

9:30 p.m.

HRG is zombie. Close my eyes, just for a minute and then......

6 a.m.

The alarm beeps and it all begins again.......

On rehearsal nites, just skip the whole coming home and having dinner part. Those nites it's picked up after work, meet up with our drummer and go. Dinner (or a sad excuse for one) is usually eaten around ten thirty(ish), if at all.

In all of this, I'm trying to find the energy to keep my marriage alive, maintain friendships and in short, be all things to everyone.

I'm doing the best I can.

As always, it's just not good enough.

HRG

Coming Up For Air

2009-06-28T21:32:00.002-07:00

Hello my babies! After a long absence, HRG emerges. Still shaky, but the bruises around my heart are fading, Fear and Doubt have been, once again, swept out the door. The crack they slipped through in has been re-inforced. Now, if I could just get them to shut up......

I'm learning to tune them out. I don't know if they will ever be completely silent again. We'll see.

Rest assured that while retreating to a safe place to heal, HRG did remain completely aware of the world around her. So much happening, the news junkie in me has been on a serious feed.

Do you recall the post about Nina? It's in the archives if you're interested. It's a piece I'm proud of. Her story comes to an end now. The last of the five people involved in her horrible death was sentenced. The judge denied the two for one thing that seems to run rampant in this country. (double credit on your sentence to time served while awaiting and undergoing trial) Sent to jail as a young offender, she will remain behind bars for the duration of her sentence. In the sadness lies a small celebration. People were held accountable for their actions and not one of them received any special considerations. There is closure. There was justice for Nina. There's a part of me that hopes she haunts them to their graves, but who am I to wish eternity roaming the earth on anyone? Still.......

Of course the recent expected and unexpected deaths of celebrities have brought out interesting sides of people. I wonder why as a society we're obsessed with fame, feeding on the rumors and innuendo, feeding the mill ourselves. We build pedestals that touch the clouds and then watch with absolute delight as the mighty fall, their demise caused by the very people who put them up there in the first place. A whisper here, pointed finger there, a "long lost" photo or letter or homemade video surfaces and the slow descent begins. When John Q. Public tire of watching them float down, a little at a time, they take the wind our of their sails....with weapons cleverly disguised as words. Greed can make people do and say things that the rest of us would never dream of. A perverted sense of entitlement, I call it the "where's mine?" whine, and in a nanosecond, someone's life is destroyed. No physical evidence, unreliable sources......playing just enough on the psychologically damaged eccentricities of the "superstar" and it's over. The tabloids (and CNN) will have enough material to keep them busy for months. Reliable news sources that they are. It sets a dangerous precedent.

Perhaps we've advanced so far socially that we're aware we cannot savagely murder someone in public anymore. We're far too civilized for that sort of behaviour! Instead we destroy their lives.
Once swords were pointed, now it's pencils.

Here's hoping a few "journalists" fall on their pencils.

HRG

My New Tattoo

2009-06-03T19:06:00.004-07:00

Hello my babies! Isn't the warm weather worth the long wait? HRG and TCB are basking in the sun and heat and lovin' every minute of it! Of course I'd love it more if I could, oh, I don't know, spend the mornings gardening and afternoons reading and sipping G&T. Tall. With lots of ice. And a squeeze of lime. How lazy do we have to be to ask for that? Like we're above the simple act of squeezing citrus.

But I digress.

As you all know, adding another piece of body art has been something I've wanted to do for a long time now. Much like the couch (not to mention my hair), the decision as to exactly what has been a long time coming. But I've decided now. It's going to be TCB's lips.

Tattooed on my ass.

The forgiving has begun.

HRG

A Matter Of Trust

2009-05-14T09:23:00.003-07:00

Good Morning my babies! Finally, the sun shines here on Fantasy Island. Apparently MotherNature doesn't remember our conversation of this time last year. You know the one where I grilled her about her reasons for having us miss Spring. Two or three days of sun and slightly warm temperatures do not, I repeat, do not represent Spring. There's still gardening to be done dammit!

And all that must be done before Tuesday. Yes babies, HRG finds herself having to go back to work and not being able to tan her legs AGAIN this year. I've taken a job I don't want. Oh, if TCB would take care of his finances and lump it all into one manageable LOW payment, then having the summer off would happen. You know, like he had a summer off three years ago while I busted my ass to pay the bills. Again the message sent and received is that I am not worth going the extra mile for.

But today, we're going to talk about trust, and what happens when someone takes it, crushes into dust and sends it to the skies.

You see babies, pretty much my whole life has been giving my trust freely, only to have it tossed it aside as easily as I was. After awhile you stop trusting. No matter what, there's always that underlying feeling that you will be betrayed. It's the cornerstone of my commitment issues. Fear and Doubt finally found a slight crack, an unrepaired piece of my heart, and slipped in. Their voices are no longer a whisper that could be ignored. Now they get to scream it and they are. "See HRG? We told you, we tried to warn you, but you locked us out and wouldn't listen and look at what's happened now!"

They're right. I gave my trust freely again and again, well......

You've got this way of turning magic into lust
You take it all for granted and crush in the dust.
I see you looking but you don't even care.....

Thing is, if I hadn't picked up TCB's phone by mistake, I'd have never known. I guess it is true, the wife is always the last to know. But I know now. I can't begin to put into words how much I hurt. I feel that old anger creeping up like vines, choking out any good feelings. Covering the wounds so they will never heal. You see babies, it's always been easier for HRG to show anger than to EVER let anyone know much pain I'm in. To let anyone know how much emotional pain they've caused is something I simply cannot do.

But, HRG, you ask, are you sure?

Yes babies I am. Remember when TCB just had to take the trip back east at a time I absolutely could not go and he didn't want to wait another week so that I could join him? There was a reason he didn't want me to go. She even has a name. Oh, and so does his msn buddy, just an "acquaintance" from a former job he didn't like and one, that according to him, he met no one he wanted to keep in touch with. He lied. I gave him the chance to show that the one here is nothing more than a former co-worker. Introduce me to her, I said. His face went white. I'm guessing he doesn't want to introduce his "acquaintance" to his wife.

I'd hoped writing this all out might help me feel better, but it's not. That sick feeling in my stomach, the taste of betrayal at the back of my throat is there. I can't eat, can't sleep.....

Can't trust.

HRG

Movin' On Up

2009-04-24T15:24:00.002-07:00

...from that de-luxe apartment in the sky....yeah we're moving on up to the westside...I finally have an oven big enough to bake that apple pie.....

(apologies to the Jeffersons)

So here we are, on the eve of the "final" move. Of course we all know that won't happen until Sunday when we pick up the last of the little things. Four years worth of stuff, physical and emotional, has been sorted, boxed and moved or has been shredded and tossed away. Interesting too, now that I'm leaving the building, Krusty seems to have re-appeared in my life. I thought all that could be put behind me. Who knows, maybe it will be. Maybe my leaving here has set the wheels in motion to have that final closure. Maybe it's because I'm ready for it now, the move, the everything. HRG's feet are itchy babies, it's time.

It does make me wonder if we, as base brats, were subject to medical experiments and implanted with little switches. Every four years or so, the switch is activated and suddenly we're in a rush to move. We get one of those manchurian candidate phone calls and the next thing we know, we're knee deep in boxes and packing paper wondering why we still have the cheap little vase someone (usually a guy) gave us years ago. Then we wrap it pack it anyway. We've become hard-wired to be nomads and gypsies.

Or maybe a little too much Fringe gets watched here.

This is my last post from this building. Computers come down tonite. We start at 8 a.m. Upside is we'll be finished by noon. We kind of have to be, since the truck is due back then. No pressure though. TCB is so anxious to get moved in, this will be done in record time.

I'm feeling a little melancholy, a little semi-mental. This place marked a new beginning, the proverbial fresh start. It was comfortable and safe. Things that were so necessary at the time. This building of the bruised wrapped it's arms around me and promised it would keep me safe and warm. It's done a good job.

Now though, it's time for us to have a fresh start in a new place. Something that holds no memories for either of us. A place to make new memories, together.

I am SO ready for this.

HRG

Restoring My Faith

2009-04-21T10:01:00.005-07:00

Good morning babies! Another warm, sunny day looms. The early morning chill will be gone soon and then this afternoon--more digging in the dirt! It's coming along. The landlord happened by yesterday and is thrilled with the work already done. That's good because it would've been a very bad time to tell me he was attached to those stupid bushes.

But HRG, you ask, what's happened to restore your faith?

Well babies, let me tell you:

A new restaurant opened in the city just eleven days ago. The principle behind it is amazing. The people behind it even more so. It's called Cabin 12. Those of us fortunate enough to live here in Paradise should go for the best breakfast ever! The people behind it busted their asses, did all the work themselves, raised every penny themselves. Then over the weekend, some angry young man (read: little bastard) took it upon himself to smash his fist through the glass, shattering the entire storefront window. Probably trying to prove that he did so have a penis. The police here could care less and blew the owner off, refusing to even check both our local hospitals for someone who was seriously injured. It was the staff from two businesses surrounding Cabin 12 who helped clean up the mess and stayed with the owner all nite so that the window would be the only damage. Leaving it would've been like an open invitation for little bastards like the one who broke the window to come in and simply help themselves to everything else.

In an open letter to one of the city's best columnists (Jack Knox rocks!), the owner vented a little and worried about what to do now. Insurance doesn't cover the glass. Fear not. Facebook messages (and challenges) were sent out by and to many people. The result? By the end of their workday, more than twice the amount needed to replace the window was raised! And in the true spirit of giving back, the balance of funds raised will be used to purchase food (at cost) to be donated to two local food banks and OurPlace. Because you see, the people behind Cabin 12 were all just a breath away from needing those services themselves. They built this restaurant from the ground up, working on themselves in the process. Believing in this project, realizing this dream, helped them learn to believe in themselves. They deserve our support. (don't ask me what the jerk who broke the window deserves. That way babies, none of you will ever have to testify at my trial)

This has moved me to tears. It's so easy to get jaded, to think the worst of people. Thanks to the fabulous people of this beautiful city, my faith has been returned. People DO care. They will step up when necessary. They will help those who are only trying to help themselves.

I'm all verklempt......

HRG

On A Lighter Note

2009-04-15T10:35:00.003-07:00

The air is warm, the sun shining, the birds have been singing in the trees all morning. Today they were singing, yesterday they were having sex like rabbits. It's over in a flash (and there's not a woman who reads these words who doesn't know what that's like), but here she is, still singing for more. He obliges. Three more times. Still she's wanting more, but he's on a branch, huffing and puffing so hard it seems like he's about to have a heart attack. Maybe there is some truth to the whole viagra finding it's way into our water story.

So on this sunny, warm morning, let's share a nice memory, shall we? Good. Let's begin. We'll go back in time, about three years. It was three years yesterday that TCB landed for the first time. It was three years today that we knew this was something a little more than an infatuation. It was the day I stopped running and slowed to a jog. The day F&D formed their little alliance. Banished to the halls of "what happened in the bad times", they did their best to encourage HRG to return to her fun-loving, commitmentphobic self. They failed, yet they remain, whispering. It's ok, as you all know, I'm a little hard of hearing.

Three years later and here we are, happy and settled. Getting this house has really put a spark back into TCB. I love his smile, the sparkle in his eyes when he is truly happy. We were choking here, this small space kept getting smaller and smaller by the day. The new house gives us a chance to spread our wings and find a bit of space. It feels like home. Almost. Soon. Very soon.

And babies, HRG had the most fabulous birthday this year! Last year was horrid, and if not for two of my staff, would've gone down in history as my worst birthday ever. No one remembered. This year, in the days leading up to it, TCB made no mention of it. Didn't ask if there were anything I'd like to do, someplace I'd like to go. Biting my tongue hard, I said nothing about it until an invitation from J arrived. The morning of the day, while the coffee brewed, HRG walked into the living room to find FLOWERS AND A CARD on the table. I don't know how he did it, but he had them in this place all nite before and hid them from me. Those of you who've been here know what a Herculean task that was. Giving flowers seems to be a thing TCB is not comfortable doing, despite three years of pleading. It was the perfect way to start the day. That nite J and TCB took me to my favorite restaurant, gave me nice shiny presents and then off we went, the three of us, to meet friends and play some music.

All in all, it was the perfect day.

Everyone deserves one of those every now and again.

Even HRG.

HRG

A Whole Lot of Everything

2009-04-14T11:07:00.002-07:00

Good morning my babies! It's still chilly, but the sun is shining and the morning has been very productive. Little by little, this place empties, boxes stuffed full wait patiently at the new house, yearning to be set free from their cardboard exile. Soon my bright shiny things, soon.

You all know I am such a news junkie. I should find another hobby, or at least give up wearing knickers. That way they can't constantly be tied in a knot. Too many bad things happen to innocents, and those responsible literally get away with murder. It makes me sad, and, given the actions of certain authorities, embarrassed. You know because tasering a man who was simply lost and afraid in a country he didn't know, unable to reach out because he didn't speak our language is what we do here in the good old usa. Wait a minute HRG (I can hear you say that now) we're not 'merican! You're right. We're not. We expect better from those hired to protect us. Their behaviour is less than Canadian. They're cowards. Plain and simple. Tasering a man FIVE times because he may have made a "threatening" gesture with a stapler is their defense. Yes, you read right my darlings, a stapler! Big scary weapon. Then it turns out the stapler incident didn't happen. The officer was "confused". I'm thanking my Goddess that someone had the foresight to record the entire episode on his cel phone. Then he made it very public. Too late for the cowards to conjure up even more lies. The naive side of me (yes, I still have one) wants to believe that the promise of legal action is more than just pre-election posturing. With a heavy heart and sick stomach, the realistic side of me knows that nothing will happen to these officers. I can't call them men, because they're not. Oh, they're male, but I wouldn't refer to them as men. I stand by my original statement. They're cowards and each and everyone of them should be facing manslaughter charges.

And right before they're sentenced, they should be made to stand and apologize to every single Canadian and to the country of Poland.

But that would mean taking responsibility and we all know how that ends.

Sadly yours,

HRG

Sunny Days

2009-04-06T12:00:00.004-07:00

....and the warmth of the sun from the balcony feels so wonderful on my face.

Due to circumstances beyond her control, HRG finds her gardening will be limited to cleaning the balcony today. TCB is home sick again...sigh.....

I'm a combination of worried and a bit pissed. Pissed because I remember hauling my sick self to work, sucking it up and getting through the day. Pull yourself together and try to get through. He's missed quite a few days work now, and there's that small part of me worried that he'll lose his job. Fear and Doubt still lurk about, looking for buttons to push. Every now and again one or both of them find the "past baggage" button and lean on it. Hard.

I'm also worried that something might really be wrong, yet in typical male fashion, actually going to a clinic to see someone would be an admission of less-than-maleness. He did get a family doctor which is a step in the right direction. But babies, his appointment isn't for ten days. MachoStudCoolGuy stuff wears thin after awhile. (no, I won't see a doctor because I'm too cool--I'll lay on the couch and whine instead) I'm trying to be as caring and understanding as I can be, but boy, sometimes it's tough.

I'm sure it doesn't help him either, my being a complete bitch most of the day yesterday and again this morning when he came home. I know where it's coming from--seems F&D Inc (which is how Fear and Doubt shall be forever known) have stumbled upon a bunch of buttons, accessible from inside or out. The big red "easy" button seems to be their current favorite. Suddenly, my ability to turn it into a joke to avoid the hollywood moment is gone. Witty sarcasms now sound mean. I'm working on it.

That said, does that mean that I'm not allowed to call him on stuff? Like packing my yoga mat even though I asked (nicely I might add) no less than SIX times for it to be left where it was. No, the screaming raving bitch that used to be employed by F&D Inc. doesn't work here anymore, thankfully. Something about her going out to get toner one day and never coming back. At least that's what her Uncle Jimmy DaFish said. Anyway, over-reacting didn't happen, even when the words "so what?" were dropped.

Marital bliss. And I can hear you both laughing now.

Funny thing, the move Saturday went well. We passed the test with flying colors! Not a cross word between us.

Go figure.

HRG

Another Pop Quiz

2009-04-03T19:01:00.002-07:00

I can hear you all groaning now. A pop quiz on a Friday? Oh come on HRG, don't be so mean.

Relax babies. Put your pencils away until Monday. This test is one for HRG and TCB. It's a standardized test that all married couples must take at least once during the course of their marriage. There's no study guide either. It's so not fair. Hell, they don't even offer a weekend seminar. And your friends--the still married ones who passed the test, some more than once (just to show off) will do nothing more than roll their eyes and refuse to relive the memory. Something always comes up about therapy not being as cheap as it once was.

But HRG you ask, what's the test?

Tomorrow we're moving. Just the two of us. One of the two most important tests in a marriage. Or any relationship for that matter. (the other is travelling long distance, in a small car, with no a/c)

Can we get through it without killing each other? I'm not sure, but I think that's how you pass this sort of test. So, if he drops the box filled with precious crystal pieces, biting my tongue so hard it may need to be surgically reattached is a good thing, yes?

TCB being, well, TCB, once he gets started, he's going to want to move this entire place in one shot. It won't happen, but he'll pout for a little while. We'll survive that too.

If not, then here's hoping one of you my babies will post my bail.

HRG

A Prediction

2009-04-03T18:59:00.001-07:00

The number 1 song for the summer of 2009 is I'm Yours by Jason Mraz.

HRG

So Much

2009-03-30T10:15:00.001-07:00

...to do...so much to say......

What I should be doing babies is starting to pack. HRG is moving! And yes, TCB is coming with me. We found a great place, perfect for us, something we're both excited about. The yard, oh the yard....my fingers itch even thinking about it. Room to breathe. We can even entertain. Oh, not to say we're not already entertaining, but it'll be nice not to have to take our comedy show on the road all the time.

It's a bit melancholy tho. There's that word again. All these new beginnings, all the doors that had to be closed before the others were opened. It's four years today that life began anew. This building has a been a good place to heal, to find my footing again. Someone once referred to it as the building of the bruised. We found ourselves rebuilding our lives at the same time, in the same place. As the scars fade, each of us moved on. It's my turn now. A new place, one we picked together, one with no ghosts of old emotions. You know what I'm talking about. Or rather, who I'm talking about.

This weekend was pretty wonderful. Having managed to finally shake that bug, we went out to wow our fans, and well, that's exactly what we did. Took a brand new pair of boots for a test drive. Yup. They've become a mainstay in HRG's wardrobe. They are all that. And a bag of chips. With dip. Hit the stage with some very talented players (also very cute boys) and had more fun than should be allowed on a Saturday afternoon. Closed out with Burnin Down The House. HRG style.

TCB had a moment. It was a "this is MY wife, buddy" moment. Now you know, back in the day, HRG would've picked up on it right away and played it for everything it was worth. At first I didn't clue in to what had him standing thisclose onstage. Then I got it. The sax player who'd played the last set. Oh yeah. A very cute boy. A very very very cute boy. The former HRG would've called him up to join in. Not this time. A thought popped into my head: "you might've been good baby, but you just weren't worth the price". So I flirted shamelessly with him instead.

It's all part of the show babies, it's all part of the show.

Always up for an adventure and looking for places to pitch the new project, off we went to a great little pub in beautiful Brentwood Bay. Highly recommended, food amazing, service excellent and surprisingly cheap cheap cheap.

Actually, come to think of it, Saturday was filled with happy surprises. Let's see, surprised to put on brand new boots and have them feel like they'd been broken in already, surprised by TCB's moment, surprised that men still look at me (hell, I'm old now). There is always a big surprise at the end of a bunch of little ones, isn't there?

When I got out of the car at the pub, the first person I saw was......

HTBP.

Imagine my surprise.

Imagine his.

And then I saw Krusty.

Imagine his surprise.

HRG

No It Really Did

2009-03-28T09:44:00.002-07:00

....it happened just this way.

Picture if you will:

(woman sitting at keyboard, room is dim, or maybe her contact lenses are dirty. Phone rings. She squints at the call display, hesitates, then picks up the receiver)

"Hello?"

(she is met with silence and is just about to hang up when a pre-recorded message filled with static begins to play)

"(crackle crackle) Credit Card (crackle crackle hum) Urgent (hiss crackle hum crackle crackle crackle) Press One now"

(frowning, she presses the number)

"Hello?"

(man's voice is barely audible)

"Hello, this B....(crackle hiss)"

"I'm sorry, who is this? Is there a problem with our credit card?"

"This is B....(voice fades to a pitch only heard by dogs and whales) do you want to (crackle) interest rate...." (crackle buzz hiss)

"Which company are you calling from? Is there a problem?"

"Look, do you want to lower your interest rates or not?"

"Lower our what? Which company is this?"

(she waits for a response, gets nothing but silence for a moment and then the solid buzzing of the phone line begins and she realizes..................)

It had been a telephone solicitor and he'd hung up on her!

No, I wouldn't put you on because it really did, it happened just this way. The day HRG made the spam caller go away.

HRG

Pop Quiz

2009-03-22T10:15:00.003-07:00

Gee, we haven't had one of these in long time, have we?

Pencils ready, babies?

Let us begin:

Q: Why is it that during their mid-life crisis, men chasing younger girls are called perverts,yet when women are chasing younger men we're called Cougars?

Just wondering.

HRG

Assorted memories and stuff

2009-03-22T09:31:00.003-07:00

You know babies, I was thinking about the store yesterday. I still haven't gone back. Maybe this week. I'm not sure I'm ready to see that big, dark, empty space that once was a vibrant, fabulous shop. Seeing it will go a long way in helping me move on. When I'm ready, I will. Maybe this week.

Besides, I have to take a plateful of treasures to the staff at my fave Starbucks. Did I tell you they brought me flowers and a boston cream pie on our last day? Yes, I cried. Buckets of tears. I almost always feel like I'm on the sidelines, not quite part of the action, so it surprises me when people do nice things. The staff there always made my days a little brighter. It's nice to know they felt the same.

There are scenes flashing through my head, memories of four pretty good years, and customers who simply reiterated what I already knew.

Jim Morrison was right babies. People ARE strange.

Remember the old saying that the "customer was always right"? Well, here's a newsflash for ya, that is so not true. Yes, there have been some really great ones--like the fireman who brought us Timbits on a regular basis. All because he overheard a conversation about staying out of the candy drawer and bikinis. He looked at me, grinned and said "eat the candy". Then he left and came back with the verboten donut holes. From that day onward, he brought us the treats every time he was in the mall. There are the mums who brought their babies in every week, it was wonderful to watch them grow, to see the smiles because they remember the Kitchen Lady. The children's book was born from the interaction with them. A simple story to calm fussy ones has become something that must be written. If for no other reason than to get it out of my head.

Ah, but it's always the nasty ones, the bullies, that stay with you. Those that argued over a return of a product that didn't come from our store. The elderly woman who let loose a string of profanities when told she couldn't have possibly talked to our head office in Toronto, because, well, there is no head office in Toronto. We weren't part of a chain. It made me wonder if she kissed her great grandchildren with that mouth. So I asked her that. It was the one question that shut her up right quick. The local television reporter who verbally abused, then threatened me because he was told that he couldn't return a mirror that had been purchased SIX months before. He was simply "too busy" to get to it before now. And after all, the picture on the box didn't show it had a cord. Then in the next breath, tells me it wasn't used, that the staff had to repackage it because it was the last one. Well sir, I replied, if that were the case, then you'd have seen the cord dangling from the mirror, since it was on display. And that's when he threatened me. I just let him rant, ignoring him while serving the next customer. He finally stormed out, drawing attention to himself, and none of it good. You know because that's what you want to do when you're a small-time reporter for a small town tv station.

Then there was the woman (old of course--in this town being old gives you the right to be nasty) who actually e-mailed to mall administration with a complaint about me. Why? Because she'd tried to return a timer that no longer worked. She'd had it for just over a year. Not a problem, I'm good with this particular supplier, replacing it, provided it really is faulty, is not an issue. My fatal mistake? Asking her if she'd checked or replaced the battery in it. Mrs. Evans was her name. She went ballistic, screaming so hard her face was red and I thought (ok, hoped) she might have a heart attack right there. The e-mail she sent was horrible and ended with her informing "everyone" that my staff were absolutely "terrified" of me. Fortunately, that statement, along with the somewhat, um, colorful, description of yours truly saw nothing but said e-mail being dismissed and tossed in the trash. It shook me though. I try so hard to be nice to everyone, personal attacks for no reason cut me to the bone.

Yet, still I'm drawn to retail. I must've been a masochist in a previous life.

Just when you thought you'd seen everything, encountered every strange person.....SURPRISE! Another would show up. Some of them made us cry, some of them had us scratching our heads, wondering wtf that was all about and some had us laughing until we cried.

But that's a story for another day.

I bet you're all a-quiver with anticipation.

HRG

Even Rock Stars Get The Blues

2009-03-20T14:00:00.000-07:00

.....and head colds. (insert endless whining here)

Happy First Day of Spring babies! And to my (hopefully) new reader from down under, happy first day of Fall for you. A respite from the horrible heat. Meanwhile, those of us here on Fantasy Island are waiting, fingers crossed, for a summer like last year. Bring it on Mother Nature, we can handle the heat! After all, MN did throw several snowfalls at us this year and look how well we handled them.

I love Spring as you all know. It is a time for re-birth, new beginnings, everything looks so fresh, so new. Sitting on the balcony in the warm sunshine watching the birds build their nests was a lovely way to begin the day.

The sunshine is a welcome relief from the rain and the cold. HRG has been stuck indoors and quite frankly it sucks. Big time. There are lots of projects here, a little more is accomplished each day, but the longing to go for a very long walk has me staring wistfully out the window. I need fresh air, a chance to clear my head of thoughts and useless clutter and brace myself for whatever is around the next corner. Whatever it might be. The Fates are giving no hints of what's in store. The paths are there, waiting patiently to be chosen, to feel those tentative footsteps. I stare for a long time at them, then cast my eyes to the horizon, wondering, waiting for an answer that isn't there.

The uncertainty of it all has me feeling a little blue babies. It is in my nature to withdraw, to try and figure it all out in my head before reaching out for that shoulder. It's hard for me to reach out, to let anyone closer than arm's reach. But, you know, the upside is, as I was reminded, TCB is here, so really, do I need to be looking for another shoulder? I have two feet. Using them is probably a good idea. It would all sound like whining anyway. Measuring my stuff against that of others, well, it makes me realize my issues are really insignificant.

So what to do now? Taking all the planned time off will probably not happen. Sitting still is highly over-rated and a bored HRG gets into trouble. Every time. I've come a long way in knowing myself. It's a road travelled all too often, boredom is. There's no reason to kick up the dust again. I know better now. That's why it's so important to find something to occupy my time. I had wanted the summer off, but the need to accomplish something is strong.

Hey, wait a minute. Tanning my legs IS accomplishing something.

Isn't it?

HRG

Day 12

2009-03-12T11:41:00.002-07:00

Is it ok to say that I am already bored bored bored? Because I am. Bored. Oh, there's lots to keep me busy here, but honestly, it's housework.

Of course all this free time has given me the chance to catch up on the news.

I wish some of it were good. But it isn't. Injustice reigns supreme. HRG has given up wearing knickers. Somehow they end up in a knot and it's so very very uncomfortable.

Let's see what's been happening, shall we? Does everyone remember the case in Saskatchewan where a very drunk man took his small children out in the dead of winter and they froze to death? He was given a sentencing circle. Bully for him. It was decided that he should do no time, but rather should spend his "sentence" in the community. Fortunately a judge thought differently and sentenced him to a whole three years. Ooooh, there's punishment for you. He argued against the jail time saying (and I quote) "sending me to jail won't do any good. It'll keep me away from my family and friends and the things I like doing". Uh, yeah. That's why it's called punishment. Moron.

Oh, now would be a good time to mention that his criminal records goes way back, with no less than 50 infractions. That and he's waiting trial for breaking the terms of his bail in the deaths of his daughters. Seems the abstaining from alcohol part was lost on him. He's in mourning doncha know?

But of course, it wasn't his fault. Someone must be pouring booze down his throat against his will and it's THEIR fault. Why accept responsibility for it? Poor baby. We should pat him on the head, coddle him and remind him every day that he's not to blame.

And two innocent little girls are forgotten. Just as they were forgotten for the eight hours they lay in the snow, while their father lay in a hospital bed, sobering up. He didn't say a word. To anyone.

In their social system these males are referred to as braves.

I prefer to think of him as a narcissistic coward.

There's nothing brave in silence. He murdered his children.

But you know babies, it's not his fault.

Because it never is.

HRG

This That and The Other Thing

2009-03-02T10:04:00.003-08:00

Good Morning Babies!

Something's been niggling at me since Saturday, maybe one of you can help.

Am I the only one who thinks Bret Michaels looks like Britney Spears?

Maybe they have the same plastic surgeon.

I was very afraid.

I'm also too old to watch the music channel. It's irritating. VH1 and The National Post must share the same "fact checkers". To be honest, HRG did not really watch so much as stared in disbelief.

Then we went and played. It was loose, had some pretty crappy moments where things all just fell apart, but we recovered and had fun. Closed big. Everyone else got 3 songs. HRG got 6. There were some pretty kickin' good players up there with us. It's too bad these two players can't commit to a project right now, but we make a point of playing together at the jams because it's so much freakin' fun! Not only amazing players, but also very very very cute boys. One of them is the one who shares the name with my teenage heartthrob. In another life this would've been dangerous. Not now though. It's not that hard to be a grown up after all. Who knew? Anyway, we're talking up the new project, the early buzz is positive, people seem honestly excited that we're back with a 80s pop/rock chick kind of thing. I'm trying to reawaken my muse. She's there, groggy, but eyes are open and that's a start. The trick is not to force it, but to let it happen. She'll shake the cobwebs off and then look out. Don't say I didn't warn you.

The return of HRG is near.

Be afraid. Be very very afraid.

HRG

And Now The End Is Near

2009-02-23T12:00:00.001-08:00

"......and I face the final shower curtain
I'm sorry but we're all sold out of that
There are none in the back
Of that I'm certain......."

Oh my babies, it's almost over. I'm glad they chose to close on the shortest month of the year. It's time. I'm tired and want it over NOW dammit!

It's bittersweet though, and those of you close enough know me well enough that to say I'm not feeling a little melancholy about the whole thing wouldn't be entirely truthful.

I am sad. We're not just staff, but a family. We've snapped, squabbled, laughed and cried, as families are prone to do. But at the end of the day, we'd stand side by side, shoulder to shoulder in defense of each other. And my Goddess knows we've done that more than once. I will miss not seeing them every day.

It hasn't always been easy, being me, being there. The man who's wife signs my pay cheque has been harder on me than he's ever been on any manager in his employ. Ever. No one is sure why he is that way, but she who signs my pay cheque is the sole reason I've held this job for this long. In his worst bi-polar moments he's wanted to storm around and fire me. Not for any reason other to make "goddamn sure we all know who the REAL boss is here". It's been hard in that respect.

But you know babies, it must must must end on a positive note. This was the opportunity of a lifetime. This time there was no one around to subtly chip away at my self-esteem. I was alone and doing something that was challenging and fulfilling for the first time. It was a good thing. All that knowledge gained is something I shall carry with me a lifetime. Well, ok, maybe just into the next job.

Which won't be until at least September. This summer I shall do the unthinkable.

I'm going to tan my legs.

And play music. We have a new guitar player who's itching to get this project off the ground. We were introduced by a mutual friend. I think Hottie The Drummer has been mentioned here before. If not, then shame on HRG. HTD is our new drummer too. And a very very very cute boy. There's a stable of drummers for us to choose from, but somehow, starting a new project with a completely new line up feels like the right thing to do. Rehearsals start next week. I'm excited. TCB is raring to go too. As good together as we are, it's taken a bit of time getting used to working with him. Onstage always feels different. Part of that is, I think, the realization that we're involved off stage, and the whole sex kitten thing can only go so far. It's been a learning process, finding out exactly where the line is so it's never ever crossed. It's more relaxed now. I am who I am. HRG is a bit larger than life with a microphone in her hand and adoring (and adorable!) cute boys at her feet. TCB understands the show is a show.

There's no way I'd be that cool with it. Not a chance.

There are so many things to talk about, stories to share, and we will have those moments together my babies.

But for now, TCB comes home tomorrow and it has to look like I did more than sleep on the couch and miss him for five days. Customers or not, tomorrow is a work day. (it'll be interesting to see if there's anything in the store left to sell) There's laundry to be done and some errands to run.

Five more mornings of waking to the beep beep beep of the alarm, of having to plug the flat iron in, of having to look groovy, even on days when I certainly didn't feel groovy.

Oh, and don't be surprised to see your Starbucks stock slip a little.

HRG

A Year In Review

2009-01-26T08:22:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year my babies!

One question: just where the hell did 2008 go? I blinked and it was gone. Just like that.

It was a good year, and an interesting one filled with many challenges and changes and happy moments. There were some sad times too, but really, what's life without ups and downs? How do we appreciate the ups without the downs? Truth is, we can't.

And of course, no year would be complete without a miracle or two.

Like the ultra commitment-phobe actually committing. And not just in a "legal" sign on the dotted line now everything that was his is yours kind of way. On Solstice, the longest day of the year, a day of balance and harmony. Surrounded by the elements, graced by our Goddess, red silk ribbon tied loosely around our wrists, forever binding us to complete the journey of life.....together.

And then we Snoopy danced.

'Coz that's the thing only crazy kids like us would do.

HRG

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The above post was found languishing in my drafts folder.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

2008-12-25T06:38:00.002-08:00

Good Morning Babies, and happy holiday to you all.

Funny thing, when I have to be up early, the alarm is the single most annoying sound in the world. When I don't have to be up early, well......once again, HRG will see the sun rise. Only this morning, there are presents and snow.

Yes, we still have snow. A white Christmas is such a rare thing for us here on Fantasy Island and even I have to admit that it's pretty. It's melting now and should be gone in a day or two, but we'll enjoy it. Just for today.

TCB is, of course, still sleeping, but he won't be doing his usual sleep until the crack of noon stuff. Not today. HRG is a half a cup of coffee away from kicking it into high gear in the kitchen, and he is going to help.

That and there are presents. Lots and lots of presents.

I like presents.

Have a wonderful day spent with the ones you love my babies. Eat too much, drink too much and enjoy the day and each other.

Know that despite the mounds of boxes, pretty wrapping and bows that surround our tree today, you all are my gifts every day.

And that's the best present of all.

Love,

HRG

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas

2008-12-14T09:29:00.002-08:00

...and not just because of the previously mentioned white stuff that is still falling. I guess Mother Nature failed to read the city by-laws banning that stuff. Come on, we only have one snow plow in the city.

But I digress. Retail hell means the holidays are not far away. Ok, holiday is more like it because some of us have been guilted into taking only one day off and working Boxing Day AGAIN this year.

And everyone wonders why I'm leaving the store at the end of next month.

Yes my babies, you read it right. I'm done. I've had enough. As you all know my babies, HRG is not only groovy, but tough. Four years of being bullied by the owner, four years of crap from customers has finally taken it's toll. It's time for the kitchen Witch to hang up her broom.

All else is ok, there's not been much to write my babies, because work has taken complete control of my life. I was supposed to have yesterday off, but, of course, I didn't. I still had to work.

I'm working today too. Seven in a row should be songs on the radio or winning lottery numbers or something like that. It shouldn't be shifts. But it is. Presents are unwrapped. Baking undone. Cards unwritten.

I have tomorrow to accomplish all that and more.

I can do it.

Because HRG is amazing.

And tired.

So tired.

HRG

Whoever's Dreaming of a White Christmas...

2008-12-14T09:27:00.001-08:00

....WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!

The snow is here.

Now make it stop.

Seriously.

HRG

A Room With A View

2008-12-01T10:10:00.002-08:00

How are you this foggy Monday morning my babies? It's not as foggy as yesterday, but at least the fog is warmer than rain. It's creepier though. Much like the dark, HRG isn't so much afraid of the fog as she is of what's in the fog.

One really interesting thing about fog is that I can hear so much better. The denseness of the air seems to trap the sound, making it heavier. Yesterday morning, strolling along the Songhees, HRG actually heard someone running behind her. The rhythm of his feet, the pebbles crunching....sounds lost to me on a normal day. My first thought was how cool it was to hear it. Ok, so really, my first thought was more "who the hell is crazy enough to be up and running this early on a Sunday morning?".

A room with a view was #710. What a beautiful room babies! TCB's xmas party was at yet another swanky hotel. He took advantage of the special and booked us in for the nite. It was wonderful. The party was fun, food was great, table companions fabulous, ran into old friends from a former life, got to wear that incredible black dress from last year (sidenote: happiness is putting on a dress one year later and finding that it fits even better).

And then the "band" hit the stage.

Um......when did two singers and a karaoke machine constitute a band?

It wasn't that bad babies.

It was worse.

So we took the party over to the lounge. There'd been a pianist in there earlier, so when the real music started again, we thought it was the same guy. Oh we were so wrong and delightfully so. Earlier we'd seen a couple of young boys wandering around the lobby, looking bored as teenaged boys are known (and prone) to do. It was the youngest of the two sitting at the keys, playing Imagine with such feeling--a depth beyond his years. It was beautiful. The bartender encouraged him to keep going, he did and was fabulous! He's 16, from a small town up Island, has been playing by ear from a very young age, and has even opened for Canadian born "legend in his own mind" Jerry Doucette. This kid has a bright future ahead of him. TCB and I introduced ourselves as the old road warriors we now are and have a wonderful chat with the boys and their parents. It was a nice end to a nice evening.

What happened after we said goodnite t'ain't nobody's bus'ness.

After all, what happens at the Ocean Pointe stays at the Ocean Pointe.

HRG

A Thousand Spankings

2008-12-01T09:25:00.002-08:00

Eight year olds should be counting hugs and kisses and smiles, not spankings.

An 8 year old boy shot and killed his father and another man. Yup, yet another gun in the hands of a child.

Prosecutors wanted to put this child on trial for murder.

Details now cast shades of gray on what was initially thought of as black and white.

He told social workers that one thousand spankings was his limit. He kept track of them on a tattered piece of paper. The boy has been alive for two thousand, nine hundred and twenty days. So, it's pretty much a spanking every other day for his whole young life.

Bullied by his father, bullied by police and prosecutors.

And another angry young man is born.

Doesn't anyone get it?

Sadly,

HRG

Other Goings On

2008-11-09T09:40:00.000-08:00

Good Morning my babies! You must be wondering by now if anything other than elections and murder occupy this groovy brain of mine.

As a matter of fact, there are other things that go on.

Like going to David Copperfield! That was fun. I'd sort of been expecting a little more Vegas flash and glitter, but what we got was a great, and very funny show. It was TCB's first visit to the arena. He was impressed. Every seat in the house is a good seat babies. The acoustics are fabulous, it's clean and has a great vibe. But back to the show.....

Webster the duck was a hit. I wonder how many Websters there have been over the years? It really was a fun nite out. Nothing spectacular, but impressive all the same. He did the audience participation thing and made a car appear out of thin air which was cool. He also made the audience people reappear in another area of the arena which was very very cool. He was funny, not afraid to poke fun at himself and he is a very cute boy. I'm glad we went.

Halloween came and went with little fanfare. No costume or partying for HRG. Instead, work beckoned. Month end meant a later nite there, but still having to be in bright and early the next morning. Nonetheless, all that had to be done was done. Spells cast, spirits embraced....

I sleep through the nite now.

For that I am grateful. Actually, I'm more grateful for the fading raccoon eyes. Those big black circles are oh so attractive, aren't they?

Only to other raccoons.

HRG

A Revelation

2008-11-05T18:15:00.004-08:00

It occurred to me to today my babies, that if JFK and MLK had a lovechild, his name would be Barack Obama.

What an incredibly interesting time, not only in politics, but in history. A black president. Americans voting in record numbers. Your voting age children actually playing a role in showing that democracy can work, that change, acceptance, is possible. They found their voice, a man they all could believe in.

It makes me a little sad that as Canadians, we don't get as excited about our own politics. We just had a what-the-fuck-did-we-need-that-for-? election, voting turnout was at record lows. We're apathetic.

Then again, we don't have Obama.

I watched his acceptance speech and was moved to tears. What a speaker! Charismatic without being over the top, he held thousands in the palm of his hand. Words that will stay forever with me, spoken quietly at first, words that become a mantra: Yes, we can. He didn't whip the crowd into a frenzy, instead he turned them into believers and builders of their future. The crowd hung onto his every word as if they were as priceless as gold. They believe because HE believes. You, my Yankee babies, are about to embark on a journey of healing and recovery. You have elected yourselves a man who will be a true leader.

Pat yourselves on the back, always remember, millions of you came together to put him in the White House.

Well, millions of you and Oprah.

HRG

The Nite Of The Dead

2008-10-31T11:04:00.002-07:00

Merry Meet my babies, and Happy Halloween!

Today is a very important one in my belief system. Tonite, when the sun goes down, the darkness will come to life. It is our belief that on this nite the veil between the reality of the living and the dead becomes gauze like. Our worlds spill over, allowing a brief interaction. But be warned babies, not everyone who has passed on has moved on. If they were angry in life, they may still be angry in death. This is not a nite to be trifled with. Take care who you call upon. Talk to loved ones gone, they need to hear your voice as much as you need to hear theirs.

(STW--your nice lady will visit you tonite. Listen to what she is saying to you. It's an important message)

There has been much activity in this little love nest of ours. Shadows everywhere, the critters playing with someone we can't see, but know is there. Tonite they will be addressed, one by one. By the grace of my Goddess, their messages will be sent and they will move on. Honestly babies, HRG needs an uninterrupted nite's sleep. Soon.

I leave you all surrounded by a protective silver light. You will be safe from harm.

Blessed Be!

HRG

But Wait! There's More!!!

2008-10-27T16:59:00.002-07:00

HRG's boil is still boiling my babies. For those who believe in their right to bear arms--please read the whole amendment. Hell, I'm Canadian for crying out loud, and even I know the whole thing reads "the right to bear arms in defense of country". So, would someone please explain why anyone would think it alright to put a gun in the hands of a child? For the life of me, I can't figure it out.

What follows is the news piece (msnbc.com) about this horrible crime of neglect. It reads like Christopher is responsible for his own death. Nevermind that he was only eight years. People are strange. Keep the matches and lighters on the fridge and out of sight, but put a gun, a really big and powerful one, in their hands. Hey, as long as daddy is there to steady him, it'll be alright. It's not a nice read, but it is a necessary one.

Here it is:

WESTFIELD, Mass. - An 8-year-old boy died after accidentally shooting himself in the head while firing an Uzi submachine gun under adult supervision at a gun fair. The boy lost control of the weapon while firing it Sunday at the Machine Gun Shoot and Firearms Expo at the Westfield Sportsman’s Club, police Lt. Lawrence Vallierpratte said. Police said the boy, Christopher Bizilj of Ashford, Conn., was with a certified instructor and called the death a “self-inflicted accidental shooting.”

“The weapon was loaded and ready to fire,” police Lt. Hipolito Nunez said. “The 8-year-old victim had the Uzi and as he was firing the weapon, the front end of the weapon went up with the backfire and he ended up receiving a round in his head.”

Christopher died at Baystate Medical Center.

The boy’s father and older brother were also there at the time, a gun club member and school official said. Francis Mitchell, a longtime member and trustee of the club, said he was told the boy’s father was supporting his son from behind when the shooting happened.

“My reaction is shock,” said Mitchell, who lives down the street from the club. “In the last five years, there has never been a problem or a bad accident. I’ve been sick all night.”
The father, Charles Bizilj, is the medical director of emergency medicine at Johnson Memorial Hospital, in Stafford Springs, C
Although the death appears to be an accident, police and the Hampden district attorney’s office were investigating, officials said.

It is legal for children to fire a weapon if they have permission from a parent or legal guardian and are supervised by a properly certified and licensed instructor, Lt. Hipolito Nunez said.
Those conditions were met in this case, he said. He declined to release the instructor’s name.

The event, run in conjunction with C.O.P Firearms and Training, said in an ad that people are allowed to fire weapons at vehicles, pumpkins and other targets at the event.The club said it would offer machine gun demonstrations and rentals and free handgun lessons.

“It’s all legal & fun — No permits or licenses required!!!!” reads the ad, posted on the club’s Web site.

Officials with the firearms group could not be reached for comment. Messages left on answering machines for the club and the C.O.P. group were not returned Monday. The sportsman’s club was founded in 1949 and describes itself on its Web site as promoting “the interest of legal sport with rod, gun, and bow and arrow, both directly and through training.” It has eight firing ranges as well as archery and fishing facilities located on 375 acres in Westfield, about 100 miles west of Boston.
_______________________________________________________________

Christopher died at Baystate Medical Center.

And absolutely no one will be held responsible.

HRG

Parental Responsibility

2008-10-27T08:10:00.003-07:00

Good morning babies. Well, for the parents of an 8 year old boy in Westfield, Mass. it's not a good morning at all.

Today let's talk about being responsible parents. As parents, as our children grow, we have responsibilities. We are responsible for feeding, housing, clothing, teaching our children right from wrong, to be respectful of others. We are not responsible for driving them everywhere they want to go whenever the mood strikes them, or buying them everything they want just because they want it. We are also responsible for teaching them to be responsible for themselves.

(yes, I realize I've used the word responsible many many times in the above paragraph, but bear with me, there's a point to all this)

I have to question the actions of everyone at a "fun fair" this past weekend. What the fuck were this EIGHT YEAR OLD's parents thinking? That it would be fun? That it would whet his appetite for guns?

Because apparently it's quite alright to put an UZI in the hands of a child. The gun weighs more than he most likely did. A "certified instructor" was on sight, a "certified instructor" put that weapon in the hands of an 8 year old. How could this asshole not realize that the recoil of said weapon would be enough to cause serious or fatal injuries?

The boy died. The weapon recoiled, went up and it was over the second the bullets HIT HIM IN THE HEAD. No chance at a childhood or life. And investigators are calling this a "self inflicted accident"????

It's neglect and it's murder.

Gotta love "responsible" parents..................

Sick bastards.

HRG

Mending After The Meltdown

2008-10-26T10:20:00.000-07:00

Good morning babies! It's clear and cold and absolutely beautiful this morning. Yesterday was like that. The walk to work was, in short, breathtaking. TCB doesn't understand this, but HRG actually enjoys walking to work. It leaves me feeling energized and ready to face the day.

Things are better here. On the home front anyway. Work will only change when I take the necessary steps. We'll talk about that again closer to the end of the year.

Which is only 66 days away. You know, if you were counting.

TCB and I have dealt with the first major motion picture of our marriage. He fessed up, the truth was told (by him and others). Part of me wants to sit this woman down and have a little chat with her. Explain how things work. Just because she "woke up one morning and realized she didn't want to be a wife and mother anymore" doesn't mean she gets to set her sights on TCB. But you know babies, it's not up to me to handle things. It's up to TCB to tell her to back off. If she doesn't, then and only then will HRG unleash to wrath and fury of the neatly arched eyebrow. Guaranteed to get results. Instantly.

Thank you babies, for all the shoulders and ears. I try not to have to use them, but it's good know they're a phone call away. Even HRG stumbles from time to time. Thank you all for picking me up.

Despite the long day and because it was only a few blocks away from our little love nest, I went to a party last nite. A girl's nite out. No boys (except the dog and he's old and neutered.....insert joke here). The only person I knew was the birthday girl. The women there were absolutely terrific, it was comfortable and funny and I truly enjoyed myself.

Ooh and something really cool happened. I saw my very first not-in-a-zoo or sanctuary Owl. Standing on the back deck, I spotted a bunch of really cool birdhouses on a tree. Then the owl appeared. At first glance, it looked like one of those decoy owls to keep birds from nesting in that tree. Then it turned it's head and looked at me. It was a cool feeling. I can't quite explain it. We all saw it, watching it with amazement. The Owl was very aware of our presence, yet it didn't fly away. I'm still trying to digest it's meaning this morning, but the groovy in me knows it wasn't a bad thing. This Owl did not bring news of death. It just watched us, never making a sound. And then with barely a whisper, it disappeared in the blackness of the nite. It left me with a good, warm feeling.

Of course, that might've been the wine.......

HRG

What I Wanted To Write

2008-10-19T08:10:00.003-07:00

......was a funny post about being tested by The Fates and passing with flying colors.

But my babies, I just can't find the funny in me these days.

I always try to be so positive about things, to find the humor in any situation, to let the shit roll off my back. But of course, me being me, I always quietly clean the shit up and not say anything about it.

My boss is a bully. And like every bully, he finds a target and will not let it rest. Once again he embarrassed me in front of my staff, pretty much pointing out that HRG is stupid and worthless. Ok, in all fairness he didn't call me worthless. It's not the first time he's called me stupid. His negativity and constant harping have me feeling sick to my stomach every single day. I can't sleep, my already small body gets smaller by the day and I see no way out.

Why stay then? Because I can't afford not to. TCB cannot cover the monthly bills here as well as his own debt load. There is a solution to that, but even he thinks I'm simply too stupid to be listened to.

Yesterday I asked him for a small favor. Something I couldn't do myself because I was AT WORK. Again.

He blew it off. I asked why, he said something about it never coming up. He had FOUR hours to ask, but couldn't be bothered. What does that say about his opinion of me?

All of this has me feeling like a complete and total failure. I can't do anything right. And I'm not worth going the extra distance for. TCB seems to have much more fun doing the music thing when I'm not there. Like when his jacket reeked of another's woman perfume after a nite out of playing. He tried to explain it as being hugged by someone we both know, but it wasn't her perfume. She doesn't wear or even like things that smell like jasmine. And everyone wonders why HRG has trust issues.

Ok babies, I'm going to stop right here. To go on will only seem like whining. As always, this is something I must go through alone.

It's probably better that way.

HRG

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-10-13T07:40:00.000-07:00

Happy Thanksgiving Day my babies! For all those who don't have the luxury of living here on Fantasy Island, let me tell you that the power went out last nite. At 5:40 p.m. Not a scattered outage either, the entire Island from midway down was without power for awhile. Ours was back on this morning when HRG opened her weary eyes. It was an odd thing, but you know, we're Canadians, we adapt.

Time passes by so quickly--it was a year ago that MM graced our doorsteps, that I hugged HB so hard I thought she might break in half. It's also been a year since someone we all know and love went into a pout. He should learn to stamp both his feet though--it's far more effective that way.

And it's been a year since we've eaten broccoli casserole. TCB can hardly wait. MM sent the recipe, forever endearing herself to him, and it will be served tonite. MM you saved our marriage!

Tomorrow is the "big" day here in the frozen north. It's the day we go to the polls and elect our new leader. It's pretty much a given that we'll elect the same leader we already have, but here's hoping he only gets a minority government. His racist, homophobic views DO NOT reflect those of the majority of Canadians. And I can't envision him dropping his drawers as quickly for Obama as he does for his Texan Twin.

My babies, there is more to say, and I have promised test results, but for now, HRG must get into the shower and get ready to face another work day.

I'm tired babies.

But there is broccoli casserole.

HRG

There's A New Hit Song

2008-10-04T09:32:00.003-07:00

......and it's climbing the charts fast.

"Oops (if) I Did It Again" - OJ The Juice Simpson

HRG

Talking About Forgiveness

2008-10-02T10:45:00.001-07:00

Good morning my babies. Working a rare nite shift gives HRG some time alone to swear at, er I mean, sit at, this keyboard for awhile.

Let's get a cup of coffee and settle in for a bit, shall we?

Last post made mention of some test results. You'll get them, but right now let's talk about something else. Something really difficult. Something easier said than done.

Let's talk about forgiveness. Specifically, about forgiving ourselves. Face it babies, not one of us is perfect. Not by a long shot. No one is. We strive to be the best possible people we can be, but perfection is an unattainable goal. We've all made our mistakes along the way. If we didn't make them, how would we ever learn anything?

And we make mistakes in relationships, things happen that we wish wish wish we could take back, change and make right. Sometimes we get the chance to make amends, to start it all over again. We're blessed when that happens. But sometimes we don't get that chance. The finality and fragility of life steps in and all the things you didn't say remain unsaid to anyone except yourself. Then Anger and Depression set up house. It can take a long time to evict the unwanted tenants. In the meantime, they can do much more damage than you realize. Until the damage is done.

Someone close to me just lost her remaining parent to a tragic accident. There were issues between them, as seems to be all too common with mothers and daughters. We spoke as her mother hovered, non-responsive with not much hope. JS was devastated, sobbing that there was so much she didn't say. I urged her to talk to her mother, to thank her for everything that was good, and to forgive her for everything that wasn't. I firmly believe that the waiting ones can hear, even if it doesn't seem they can. They're aware. She said she had and she was still talking to her. Then I told her to forgive herself. JS crumbled, sobbing that she couldn't.

She will eventually, with the help of those around her, learn how to take those tenuous steps to forgiving herself. Still, I can't help thinking how many of us continue to punish ourselves in one way or another for years over things that happened in the past. Even if the things were manipulated by others, or completely out of our control. We even put a label on this self-punishment. We call it Guilt. If only becomes your mantra.

Why is it so hard for us to let go? To forgive ourselves, accept that it happened, accept the consequences and move on. It feels like climbing Mount Everest would be easier doesn't it?

Hard as it is to believe babies, even HRG has made her share of mistakes. A couple of them were BIG ones. I beat myself up for years over pissing away a very good marriage. I was selfish, immature, drunk and angry. Not a good combination at all. Finally, on the day we signed our divorce papers, we were laughing over old jokes, the notary public asked if we were sure we should be getting a divorce. That's when Guilt kicked me in the stomach. Hard. It hurt. On the way out I apologized for everything I'd done, for hurting him the way I did, for...well...everything. He smiled and said he'd forgiven me a long time ago and that I needed to forgive myself now. What's done is done, he harbored no ill feelings anymore. Thank each other for everything that was good. Forgive each other for everything that wasn't.
It was time to move on. It was hard, but I did it. Funny thing, I felt better, more stable and less insecure.

When my own mother came to me in a very real, actually, surreal, situation, the final forgiveness happened. She kept stroking my hair, telling me she needed me to let her go and this gianormous ball of emotion was released. When I returned to this reality, it felt different. I felt different. Because I was. It was that moment that I ceased being angry. Oh, I still get mad about stuff, but I'm not angry anymore. It made me a better person.

Are you up to the challenge my babies? To forgive yourselves, abandon the excess baggage, and move on?

Life will seem brighter, happier and more stable.

I promise.

HRG

Thngs That Go Bump In The Nite

2008-09-27T09:09:00.001-07:00

....have been known to scare the hell out of the critters. I'm not sure what's scarier, being woken by the thing that goes bump in the nite, or being woken by the thing that goes bump in the nite then having the first thing you see be a shiny green orb, two of them actually, about the size of your standard dinner plate, staring at you. The orbs look like eyes, and they look scared. And then you realize that there are more bodies in the room than the eye can see.

We have uninvited company. Lights turn themselves on and off at whim. We came home to the tv on, making that white noise it does when the channel is wrong. The channel on the set had been changed. The remote was still in exactly the same spot and position as when TCB left it. No way the critters could've accidentally turned the set on and then changed the channel. This was a workday, no one else had been in here. The outside temperature was in the mid 70s. Inside was cool. There is no a/c in this building and we get sun most of the day. My hair straightener gets turned off if I leave it too long. The on/off switch gets physically moved. The critters will play with things that aren't there. More than once I've woken up with that strong sense of someone sitting on the bed, staring at me. It's a disconcerting feeling. Small wonder my sleep patterns are all messed up babies. I sleep better in the living room.

Awhile ago I'd been working with a customer, and at the end of the sale, she stopped, leaned towards me and asked if I'd recently lost someone close. It took me by surprise, but I did recognize a kindred spirit and said yes. She touched my arm and said "he's here with you now and wants you to know that he's ok". This was not too long after Paul died. The staff have all seen someone who isn't there. It's to the point where we all say an extra good morning when coming in. None of this stuff happened before, but wow, there's been a ton of activity since March. While I can't be sure it is Paul, it's a little too co-incidental don't you think?

Halloween is not far away though babies, and these issues can be addressed then. In the meantime, there are roughly 30 more sleep interrupted nites to get thru. Can HRG do it? Yes she can! It's been manageable so far.

The change in seasons has me feeling a little blue these days. It's in my nature to withdraw when life feels like it's getting out of control. A step back goes a long way in dealing with stuff, one piece at a time. In a previous life, HRG would be screaming "I can handle it! I can handle it!" while continuously running blind (ok, drunk) into one brick wall after another. I'm calmer now. Withdrawal has become a coping mechanism. There's a difference in that and become a recluse. Everybody needs a little time away. Your friends will understand.

Today is my last Saturday off for awhile. It will be spent making music and mayhem with TCB. It's raining, but that's ok babies, we'll be together and that's the important thing.

Lots of other stuff has been going on. The Fates surprised HRG with not one, but TWO tests.

Stay tuned for the results!

HRG

Time To Put The Apron Away

2008-09-26T07:44:00.002-07:00

...because now that the strings have been cut, it's not much use.

J landed, tired, but safe and sound. Today marks the first day of his adventures. His Dad said there were really no words to explain how much he'll miss J.

He's right. There aren't.

HRG

That Song In My Head

2008-09-18T18:42:00.003-07:00

Don't you hate it babies, when a song gets stuck in your head and it will not stop? Oh and it's worse when it's just a verse that plays over and over and over and over......like some sort of acid flashback or something.

Maybe singing it out loud will help:

The trouble ain't all inside your head
The Hitman said to me
The answer is easy and you'll be hassle free
I can help you with your struggle and for 50 Gs
I'll teach you 50 ways to kill the owner.

Or something like that.

HRG

Time Alone With My Thoughts

2008-09-11T19:20:00.002-07:00

........is a rare and wonderful thing. Ok, so really, the thought is frightening, but here sits HRG allbyherself while TCB is reclining in a comfortable chair, headphones on, watching tv. It might be worth mentioning he's also getting a root canal. He's been a trooper through this whole thing. Oh who am I kidding, he's been a gianormous baby through this whole thing. Aren't they all?

Odd thing, even though about a million different thoughts have been running through this groovy head all day (surprisingly not all of them involved ways to kill my boss and dispose of his body), the minute I sat down at the keyboard, they all vanished.

Some of them were even funny.

Getting back to work has been a bit rough. Mostly because I don't really want to be there anymore and partly because for two weeks the only things I lifted were my fork and a few glasses of wine. We've been slammed with stock the last few days, tons of lifting involved. I'm tired and sore, but this should help take the last of our vacation off my thighs. Let's face it babies, HRG is out of shape. Time to kick it back into high gear.

There's a home gym here in the office. It's cool, easy to use and........

A lot of clothes can be hung to dry on it.

HRG

Viruses, Trojans and Pop Quizzes

2008-09-07T08:24:00.002-07:00

Good morning babies!

Ahhhhhh another sunny and warm day here on Fantasy Island. TCB and I are so happy to be home. At the airport we made a point of telling each other all the really great things that happened on our not honeymoon instead of dwelling on all the icky stuff. It helped and we did have a pretty decent time. The last couple days were, in a word, fabulous. Except TCB got lost and we were late getting to our final destination. We were hot, tired and a just a little stressed. Still, we didn't really fight, never once yelled at each other, but yes babies, there was a "Hollywood moment" or two. Three tops. We finally found our oasis and let me tell you it was worth the FIVE hour drive. Oddly enough, the drive back only took three hours. Hmm........

Three years ago, I wrote on this blog that it was your oldest friends who could look at you and know exactly what you need.

Three years later, I stand by my words. Wonderful company, great food, good wine and freezies. It was what we needed exactly. (especially the freezies) Oh and there was even a dog AND a baby to play with. Bonus points for presentation. It was relaxing and fun. Just what we needed.

From the bottom of our forever grateful hearts, TCB and I thank you both very much for being our friends, even if one of us is a wingnut most of the time. It's just part of my charm.

Some of you my babies may be a bit pissed that we've been back a few days and not been in touch. Until the viruses and trojans were dealt with, keeping all programs closed was a must. No point in infecting the rest of you. Three times this has come in through hotmail. No one else I know has received this. I'm getting paranoid. This slavemaster is clean and up and running again, so let's see what happens. What pisses me off is that not once did I even click on the e-mail to see what it was. In doing some research, HRG did learn that even clicking the box beside the message and deleting it is enough to wake it up in time to do the dirty work. Defender grabbed it before much damage could be done, but let me tell you babies, it was a bitch to remove. Like the last guest at a party. The one who wasn't invited and now will not leave.

Now we're clean and ready to catch up. Sort of. Until I decide whether to change hotmail addresses or not, HRG is appearing as being off-line in messenger. Please feel free to send a message, even if it looks like I'm not there. For whatever reason, dozens of these spam messages are waiting for me whenever messenger is left on. It's annoying shooing them all away from the task bar in the morning. There are more important things to do at that time of the day. Like straighten my hair. Another funny thing, showing as being off-line, even when messenger is signed on, seems to be working. There are no more of those messages.

And now it's time for our pop quiz. Pencils ready everyone? Good. Here's the question:

Q: How does Kelly Ellard's lawyer sleep?

A: Upside down, in a dark cave.

HRG

The Reunions

2008-08-31T09:13:00.003-07:00

Good morning babies! The sun is shining, there's little humidity, the day started with good coffee (we bought Starbucks) and good friends. And sunshine. And a Timbit for Ruby. Yes (hangs her head in shame) HRG did indeed cave and bought the timbits. Hey, at 3:30 a.m. anything remotely edible will be purchased in large quantities.

The only day it rained was Friday. Wow. Even for a Westcoast gal, this was rain I'd never experienced before. It was literally pouring down in buckets. But you know, by the time the party got here, it had cleared up and we were ready to kick up our heels.

And kick up our heels we did. Our friends brought badly needed sanity and order to what was, as you all know, insane and chaotic. We had great food, great music, great fun. One of us had more fun than the rest. No, it wasn't HRG. No, the one woman party will never live this down. Yes it was hilarious.

Now, onto other things.

The Reunions.

And what a reunion it was! We had a fabulous gig, played well considering that we had all never played together before. Until we said something, no one even realized we'd never even rehearsed. It felt natural and cool. Yes, HRG was absolutely showing off and strutting her stuff. Being a diva without being a bitch. There was also the matter of slapping someone's peepee with a big wooden spoon. Since apparently you can't do that in public for real, HRG did it using a microphone and a hot attitude.

Don't mess with HRG was a lesson TPM learned last nite.

(sidenote: TPM will be used from now on to describe men who are just a little too full of themselves. That and it's quicker than typing Tiny Penis Man every time).

HRG

Looking for the Silver Lining

2008-08-29T15:17:00.002-07:00

.....only to learn it's another lightening bolt about to hit.

As annoying as it can be, everyone who knows me well knows that while I was so angry for so many years, I'm not an angry person anymore. I seldom get upset, never raise my voice, and always always always try to find something positive. No matter how difficult it is to find.

My babies, HRG has reached her limit. Well, she has. This "drop everything and fix my life" attitude has got to stop and now. Our nite out last nite didn't happen, instead HRG was left sitting alone in this hotel room for FOUR AND A HALF hours while TCB drove all over this city. For a twenty five dollar couch. The child could've dealt with it herself today, but nooooooo, that would mean taking responsibility for her own actions and dealing with stuff. Like adults do. TCB's sibling has called EVERY morning to whine about something else, taking up half our day with one drama after another. I even checked TCB to see if there were as GPS system attached to him because the absolute second we walked back into the hotel today, The Child was calling--expecting that we'd simply drop what we were doing and go and rescue her. I told her TCB had to see a dentist today (a painful toothache that resulted in on the spot decay removal and filling), and that her Nana was hospitalized with an early warning heart attack, and still the attitude was "me me me". Things like the dentist and hospital can't be helped--life happens, but all the other stuff??? Give me a break. Please. Before I break someone's neck. Honestly babies, if not for the gig tomorrow nite, HRG would be at the airport now, and heading home to normal.

This was supposed to be our honeymoon. We've had exactly two half days to ourselves. Every other minute has been taken up by someone and something else. The only one who has been amazing is the one who is in the hospital, fine for now, but will be getting some more tests done. When we got here Sunday a.m., she handed us the keys to her car, hugged us and ordered us to have a good time, not to feel like we had to spend every waking moment with her. Even today as we waited anxiously for the doctor to tell us what was going on, she kept insisting that we head back to the hotel and enjoy the rest of our honeymoon. I didn't have the heart to tell her it hasn't been much of one at all. When the doctor (a VERY cute boy I might add) did fill us in on what was happening and said they'd be admitting her for a few days, she ordered us out. I like my new MIL, and no, we didn't argue. We stopped for a few cold ones to have on hand for when our friends arrive tonite, ran into another old friend and were happy when we got back here. Then the phone rang......

If I remember correctly, primal scream therapy works. I wonder if I can scream loudly enough to drown out the child screaming in the next room.

Stop buying garden gnomes everyone, the possibility of needing bail money is looking more and more like a reality.

The only upside to today is knowing that as I write, the one woman party is on her way here.

Then we can open some wine, get stoned and forget about everything else.

Just for a little while.

Thanks for listening my babies........

HRG

Near The Centre of the Universe

2008-08-28T16:20:00.000-07:00

Hello babies! Some quiet time to sit and and put my thought together is nice. Don't get me started on this stupid keyboard. It looks and feels like it was made by Mattel. Geesh. Sad to think a two year old would be better and faster than HR..G on this thing. With less spelling mistakes. These groovy fingers are on the the keys they're supposed to be on, good thing then that every now and again I look up and see that I'm writing in another language. It might be Klingon.

The days have flown by since we landed. How can we be halfway through it already? TCB's grandson is absolutely adorable. A full head of curls, a sweet smile....and a temper. It's funny because it's the one thing that never seems to change. The temper fueled pushing of boundaries. Like every child, he'll grow out of it. And into something else. We've spent tons of time with them, had a terrific family pizza party for TCB's birthday. Pizza is not HRG's favorite thing, but there was cake. Ice cream cake. It was good.

Three years ago tonite, in this city, TCB was brought into my life.

Poor guy didn't know what hit him.

This Saturday nite we're going to play, old friends will be there, it will be a new moon....it will be a party.

So much more has happened, we've gone to great little places and had wonderfully sunny days with little humidity. But for now I believe closing these groovy for a bit might be a good idea. It's our nite on the town tonite. There's a cool little restaurant we like here--TCB knows the band playing there, so it's a surprise kind of thing. We'll have a blast.

That I need to rest up, there's a one woman party coming into town tomorrow.

WooHoo!!!

HRG

Here There And Everywhere

2008-08-23T19:49:00.001-07:00

Hello my babies! Ever the cosmopolitan woman, HRG finds herself once again on the move. Our plane leaves at 11:30. Tonite. Yup. The Red Eye. Which is what we'll have when we land in The Centre of the Universe. At ridiculous early o'clock tomorrow.

The buying trip was in turn good and bad. It was the two days after the trip that were the absolute worst. I don't want to go into it now. I'm on vacation dammit. Upside of the trip was buying lots of really nice things. No "WOW" factor again this year, lots of black and white in the kitchen, a step away from the square and defined lines and back to soft curves. Very retro, very cool. Very sleek. But nothing stopped me in my groovy tracks.

There's a ton to write about and I will. The laptop is packed and ready to count as one piece of carry on luggage. We're both excited. Oh, and we're playing a bona fide gig while we're there. Seriously. You'll hear all about it.

But for now my babies, I must go and get last minute things done. Oh, I packed the next set of chapters to read on this trip. The first five were read on the way out. There is a very good book in there. Emma's story was very well written, her pain and resignation easy to see and feel. I'm looking forward to the next installments.

Watch for updates while we're away!

HRG

Is It A Bird? Is It A Plane?.....

2008-08-08T20:50:00.002-07:00

.....it's Super HRG! Off to do business of the most serious kind. Shopping with someone else's money. Better yet, shopping with someone else's money while they pay you to shop.....did I mention it was with their money?

I confess babies, HRG is trying her very hardest to find something to make this trip better than we think it will be. It occurred to me today that the bi-polar man deliberately manipulates us. That pisses me off, and quite frankly I'm fast growing tired of the game. We will have a good time, in spite of his determination for us not to. There is a bit melancholy attached to this trip, but for now the reason cannot be explained.

But, I digress. All I really wanted to do was let my faithful reader know I'd be awol for the next 5 days.

The adventure begins tomorrow.
(remembering my mantra...)

Yes babies, you'll hear all about it.
(I will not kill my boss....I will not kill my boss....)

Provided you can post my bail.

HRG

Too Late for L.A.

2008-08-04T09:19:00.001-07:00

Good Morning my Babies!

Slightly sunburned, but rested and relaxed after a glorious day in the sunshine is how HRG is today. We found a new hidden alcove at the beach we trek to, nice and private (for the most part), the lake water warm (once I got used to it--falling in seemed to do the trick there), the sun hot and new Strawberry/Acai coolers were tasty tasty tasty! We made a stop at a market for produce too--a trip we do twice a month anyway. I'd rather buy as much local produce as possible, and this market has the best local organic stuff on the Island. Oh, and they have the best prices too.

The best party of yesterday? The only decision to be made was between black bikini or new yellowy one. The yellowy one won. Yes darlings, HRG can still wear a bikini and not look half bad it. Considering I spent a large share of my life overweight and hiding my body, it feels pretty good to wear one now. And I always, always feel better when I have a tan.

Since it's a long weekend and apparently there is no local news to be reported this morning, I read some pieces from Slate.

And there it was.

It happened. Oh, the mayor has yet to sign off on the moratorium, but he's expected to and so it's begun. Here's a small portion of the article:

"How does blocking new fast-food outlets provide more choices? It helps local officials "attract grocery stores and restaurants to the area, by preserving existing land for these uses," says the release. And why does the moratorium apply only to the poor part of town, around South-Central L.A.? A fellow council member explains: "The over concentration of fast food restaurants in conjunction with the lack of grocery stores places these communities in a poor situation to locate a variety of food and fresh food." Supporters of the moratorium call this state of affairs "food apartheid."
It's an odd slogan. As the encyclopedia Africana notes, apartheid was a racially discriminatory policy "enforced by white minority governments." Opening a McDonald's in South-Central L.A. is not government-enforced racial discrimination. But telling McDonald's it can open franchises only in the white part of town—what do you call that?"

There have been many discussions about this with TCB. This bothers me on so many levels babies. I don't like the word discrimination, its use and meaning having been twisted so some lawyer could make a million 0r two, but this smacks of an attempt to deepen the rift between the haves and the have-nots. To cause even more racial tension than what already exists. All in the name of helping "them" since they obviously can't help themselves.

How arrogant! Where do they get the mistaken belief that white people aren't poor? Even here in Canada we are well aware of the different colors of South Central, but that doesn't mean a thing. Come on L.A. city council--have you ever heard the term "white trash"? It doesn't mean the Gladbag it was carried out in.

What frightens me most here babies, is that now the ball has started rolling, it won't stop. It will roll along, city to city, state to state, getting bigger and bigger and bigger. Fast food is just the beginning. The trend of a handful of people believing something is bad for you and then having them decide for millions is really scary. It seems like a step backward to the dark ages when you were tortured because any other belief outside of Catholicism was considered bad for you--the beatings, maimings and sometimes death were the result of someone just trying to help you see the right way.

It'll be interesting to see how this all plays out. The use of the word apartheid is the straw that just might break the camel's back. There might just be enough of an uproar that this will be stopped. The PollyAnna in me clings to that slim thread of hope.

Some might wonder why something happening outside my own country has my blood boiling. Thing is babies, it seems that if it happens to you, our own government mimics it and it happens to us.

We just can't let that happen. We just can't.

HRG

Every Now And Then

2008-08-02T15:10:00.000-07:00

.....a movie comes along that is absolutely fabulous! We went out on a date nite and saw The Dark Knight.

Oh babies, it was brilliant!!!! Dark and interesting, Heath Ledger was mesmerizing. His portrayal of such a bone-chilling sociopath better win him that posthumous Oscar dammit! I want to see it again, to look for the things missed the first time around. Before we go back though, I think seeing Batman Begins might be a good idea.

We'll do that tonite. STW? I completely understand the whole anti-social thing. HRG has been uncharacteristically that way herself lately. Maybe it's because I spend hours and hours every day with people, interacting on such a superficial level, that close friendships become harder to maintain. It's exhausting being "on" all day, every day. Work has been, as always, busy busy busy. We pushed hard to make projected numbers and fell short by a tiny margin. The thrill in that is this strong last week helped make the loss much much smaller than originally anticipated. We smashed sales records for the past five years almost every day this week. The buying trip (read: friggin' nightmare--stuck with bi-polarman SIXTEEN HOURS a day for four days) is a week from today. The upcoming week will be spent getting ready for it. Yes, it's a big deal, maintaining both my sanity and sense of humor will be challenging to say the least. It's right back to work when we return too, with only one day off until late in the month. Then it's two glorious weeks off, a trip to a place near the Centre of the Universe to see friends and family. Away from our jobs, cel phones and yes, even computers.

So...after that ramble.....today is a lazy day. Although I think there's food to be hunted and gathered and apparently I'm riding shotgun.

It's a long weekend, so babies, HRG won't be around tomorrow for our usual Sunday coffee.

It's going to be silly hot and....................................

We're going to the beach.

HRG

Conversations With My Cat

2008-08-01T09:02:00.002-07:00

(she sits on my lap, facing the computer, getting her daily dose of skritching, paws at the keyboard, randomly hitting keys just to make the pretty noises and funny pictures. HRG sighs heavily, having just read of the most unbelievable crime committed. MissLucy looks up as if to ask what's wrong)

Everything is wrong MissLucy. Be happy that you're a cat--humans do the most awful things to each other.

Sadly,

HRG

And So It Begins

2008-07-30T09:37:00.000-07:00

....and quite frankly babies, it scares the hell out of me.

It was a small piece, buried in the pages of the local "newspaper". There's about to be a vote in Los Angeles. The one thing I do admire about your American political system is that y'all get to vote on everything. Up here we don't. We vote in our city councillors, mayors, etc etc, but once they're in, we get no say at all in any of their decisions. But.....the L.A. vote? To ban fast food outlets in "poor" neighborhoods for one year in an effort to combat obesity. Is obesity a problem? Damn straight. I've been the fat chick, so unless there's an underlying medical problem that causes the frustrating weight gain, there's no excuse for being overweight. Want to lose a few pounds? Put down the fucking donut. Pass on the french fries every once in awhile. Here's a thought--go for a walk. Get moving. DO something. Don't expect your legislators to do it for you. They didn't make you fat sweetheart, the crap you put in your body did.

That said, what scares me is the trend of "banning". Once the ball starts rolling babies, it doesn't stop. It gets larger and larger, gaining more and more momentum with every "bad" thing in it's path devoured. Red Zones around areas in the cities, using gps systems to track "criminals and other unsavory types" smack of too much control, it's a little too Orwellian, n'est pas?

My point is, what's next? Where does it stop? We all know the answer to that, don't we? Despite my annoying PollyAnna attitude, even I must admit that it's begun, it will never stop. The political rightwing, the moral majority have been given far too much power. They're telling us that we're far too stupid to make these decisions for ourselves, so rather than encourage free thought, we'll take what we deem bad for you away. It's your best interests you know.

Bullshit.

Most of you know that fast food is something HRG seldom indulges in. The post meal feeling should be satisfying, not painful. Regardless, blaming McDonald's because a generation has allowed themselves to become unfit and unhealthy isn't dealing with the problem, is it? If this is allowed to happen, this ban, it will be used a template for the next bad thing. Oh, and don't get me started on the use of the term "in poor neighborhoods". Who gets to define that, hmmm? Elitist bastards. Oh, make no mistake, we have our fair share of them here. And like you south of the 49th, we too "elect" them.

You know babies, the PollyAnna in me just whispered that this doesn't have to happen. It's being put to a vote. If you live in L.A., vote against the ban. Be loud about it!!! If it happens where you live, then get off your ass and do something. Be naive enough to believe that your vote means something. It's all we have left.

Use it before they take that away too.

You know, to protect us from ourselves.

HRG

Why Can't They Just Get Along?

2008-07-27T10:47:00.000-07:00

Oh babies, why must even technical and might I mention, inanimate things, fight?

Seems my sound card and some other program (reminder: NEVER ask a Virgo to explain something unless you have nothing better to do for an hour or two......) simply cannot work out their differences. What began as an occasional smirk in each other's direction has turned into a major pissing contest. This game of "I can so reboot faster than you can" is growing tiring babies. It's one thing to come home to find DOTT batting her eyelashes, waiting for someone to click the on button, it's quite another to have the game continue while someone is actually USING the computer. They reboot at will now, causing some to think that the signing out is a deliberate thing. HRG is not ignoring anyone. Well, except for the odd, and I do mean odd customer or two. And perhaps one or two dust bunnies multiplying under the bed. But that's a story for another day.

I wonder what you'd call an x-rated bunny magazine.
(thanks for sharing my ADD moment)

I'm feeling better today. Sent TCB off to play yesterday afternoon while I napped. Again. A burst of energy and lack of headache prompted me to get a start on the mountain of laundry and to finally get the promised cherry jam made. I even ate dinner and some awesome chocolate ice cream. Then I fell asleep. The Energy Faerie flew by, tapped me with her wand and said "that's enough for you" and took what energy had been put aside for, um, well.....you know....

But you know babies, today is, after all, anothuh day. It's cloudy and windy, a good day to stay inside. The windows are closed, the faeries will have to find their energy somewhere else.

HRG has dust bunnies to deal with.

That's my story.

I'll tell it anyway I want to.

HRG

Setting The Record Straight

2008-07-26T09:03:00.002-07:00

...in spite of what you may or may not have heard babies, HRG's life is not perfect by a long shot.

Apparently she is human after all, therefore being susceptible to all kinds of things. Like the stomach flu. It's been a long week. And that's all we need to say about that. And HB? The offer of chicken soup was kind. A little Jewish medicine can work wonders, and Mrs. Schlotz always did make the best when-you're-sick-chicken-soup.

I'd hoped the weather would be nicer, recuperating at the beach isn't a bad idea. All the vitamins A and D from the sun yaknow. But it is not to be. Today I must drag myself out for errands. One involves getting my picture taken, a permanent id kind of one that everyone will eventually see. I look like a ghost.

I'm ready for my close-up Mr. Demille.

HRG

Reason #10

2008-07-19T17:42:00.003-07:00

....to want to be a house cat.

You can eat too much and then throw it up without anyone rushing you off to an eating disorder clinic.

HRG

This Week's Mailbag

2008-07-13T10:29:00.000-07:00

Good Morning Babies! The promise of yet another gloriously beautiful day here on Fantasy Island has me up and eager to get on with the day. TCB is still sleeping, but that will be remedied in no time. Once I finish this post, I'll wake him. Alone time to write is such a rarity these days, might as well take advantage of it.

Before we get on to other things, let's see what's in this week's mailbag, shall we?

Hmmm.....well, there's one telling me I've won a bajillion dollars in the British Sweepstakes. Another one from some dead African Prince's family that says HRG is about to receive another bajillion dollars from his will, several touting the virtues of viagra and it's clones, another telling me I can enlarge my penis............ If you recall babies, we established in an earlier post that while HRG does indeed have more balls than most men she knows, she does not, in fact, have a penis.

Ok, here's something:

Dear HRG,

Now that you're married, do you think it's appropriate to refer to your husband as TCB? He's no longer your boyfriend, he's your husband. To me, it's disrespectful. He deserves better than that.

Yours truly,

Alone But Not Bitter

Dear ABNB,

That we're married doesn't change a thing. He is still, and always will be, a cute boy. But, let's put it to you babies. Is ABNB right? Is it disrespectful?

Or does ABNB just need to get laid?

HRG

Random Rantings

2008-07-05T09:54:00.001-07:00

Good Morning my babies!

Is everyone rested this morning? Did we all have our cheerios for breakfast? Good. It's said a positive start to the day is always a good thing.

Why then do I read the paper first? It takes away my appetite. Jim Morrison was right darlings, people ARE strange. And mean. And downright stupid. When a bad guy dies doing a bad thing, well, that's just Mother Nature thinning the herd. What is it called then when an innocent dies because a bad guy is doing a bad thing? Is it the universe struggling to maintain the balance? For every bad one, a good one must go too? Naively, I'd hoped we'd eventually get rid of the bad ones--most of them anyway. Makes me wonder if we'll kill each other off before we kill the planet. To be re-born means something must die. Perhaps all life as we know it must end in order for Mother Nature to heal herself and her surroundings.

But, back to the idiots of the world.

There are too many of them.

Now, onto other things.

We watched a really good movie last nite. Have you seen Charlie Wilson's War? See it. I like movies that make you think, and this one does. On one hand it was a bit of a "feel good" film, but if you really pay attention to what's going on underneath and if you have any interest in politics at all, you'll see past the glossy cover. Well written, well directed, well acted....well liked. Phillip Seymour Hoffman is brilliant as always. He plays this jaded, cynical and pretty much disillusioned CIA agent with such aplomb, making the brash, politically incorrect character absolute likable. Nice to see Tom Hanks scale his usual frenetic exuberance back a bit too. Charlie Wilson is no saint, yet Hanks manages to pull off the larger-than-life character without being larger-than-life. The ending is not a Hollywood Happy Ever After either. It's bittersweet and sad. See this film babies. Watch it twice.

Then pick up the paper. You'll see it for yourselves. Nothing changes, there are still idiots in the world.

Too many of them.

HRG

Happy Canada Day

2008-07-01T09:42:00.000-07:00

...to all of you my babies, especially those who WISH they were one of us. Of course that would have to include pretty much the rest of the world.

My day is off to a good start. The office window is open and I can hear strains of live music. It sounds like Tom Cochrane. Cool. Playing in the downtown core somewhere. Even if it isn't him, it's still live music, and pretty groovy to hear it first thing in the morning. Actually that's there's live rock going on downtown at this time of the day is pretty astounding. Live rock going on outside at any time during the day here in "The City That Time Forgot" is astounding. Of course some "retiree" will get his panties in a twist about the noise and the "evil rock and roll", so this will probably not happen again. Let's enjoy it while we can.

I've written before that although we as Canadians are pretty damn proud of our country, we've never really found it necessary to boast about it to the whole world. You see, braggarts are something we cannot tolerate. If you must beat someone repeatedly over the head just to hammer your "look how incredibly powerful and almighty I am" point home, then you're probably not Canadian. Unless you're Stephen Harper. But we're here to celebrate for all the good reasons, aren't we? There's no place for negativity today.

Is my country perfect? No. No country is. As long as there are more than two people occupying a space, there will always be strife. As human beings, I believe we're hard-wired for some behaviours. To put it simply--it's in our nature. But you know babies, we're pretty damned good and can hold our heads up high. We're the roadies of the world. Someone else shows up, puts on a really big show, makes a hell of a mess, and when all is said and done, we quietly go in and make it right. Then we pack up, leaving it looking better than it did before, and wait to be called to clean up again. Always another country, always another show.

So for today babies, remember this:

We are the ultimate cool. Shades on, real beer in hand, quietly watching from the sidelines. Unless Don Cherry shows up, in which case, well, all bets are off, and we let our party side show through. The roadies always know how to really tie one on, don't they?

And they know to clean up before they leave.

HRG

Remembering the Big Day

2008-06-29T10:12:00.001-07:00

Good Morning Babies! The sun is shining, it's finally hot and a fan will have to be plugged in tonite or neither of us will sleep well...again......That's ok, the heat is a welcome change. While the rest of the world seems to be melting under global warming, those of us here on Fantasy Island were freezing our collective asses off. Bring on the sun! Bring on the clear blue skies! We're ready for it.

Let's reach into this week's mailbox and see what's there, shall we?

A reader writes: "But HRG, you haven't told us about the really big day".

Well, faithful reader, it was, in a word.....perfect. But since you weren't here to share in the festivities with us, and in honor of 24, let's walk through the day.

7 a.m.

Wake up, trying to pad quietly around here. Like an alarm clock though, the second my hand touched the coffee pot, everyone's eyes were open. This pot of coffee was made correctly. Grab a cup and stare stupidly at the computer screen. Absolutely nothing is sinking in. Not even my horoscope.

8 a.m.

One pot down, time to make another before having a quick shower. This would be the pot made sans ground coffee. Upside? The pot was cleaned by having a full reservoir of water run through it. I laugh at myself, make another pot using the ground beans, then shower.

8:30 a.m.

Dad wanders out onto the balcony for some quiet time with his little girl. Despite this being HRG's, ahem, third kick at the can, we've never had some just us time on the morning of any wedding.

That's when the first of the tears start to fall.

10 a.m.

Sitting in Dana's chair, ginger molasses cookie and shaken green tea in hand, I try to chatter about funny, nonsensical things. She asks if I'm nervous.

Then I cried some more. Mind you babies, they're happy tears, but nonetheless......

11:30 a.m.

Home to change into something a little more suitable for the critter's grad, load up the car and off we go.

12:30 p.m.

See HB who is looking more than a little emotional herself, find our seats and settle down. HB's youngest sibling is there with his two adorable girls.
It's a nice reunion, it's been far too many years. His girls flirt outrageously with TCB. He plays back. The ceremony begins. Suddenly I feel the sting from a small negative orb. Flick it away with a mere wave of my hand. I hope it didn't hit anyone except it's intended target. Don't try that shit with me. Not today. The procession begins, everyone is on their feet cheering the grads as they proudly take their last baby steps.

Then I cried some more.

3 p.m.

Glancing nervously at my watch, and even though I know MM is going to be sad, it's time to round up the troops and head off to the restaurant to decorate. We discreetly say our good-byes. Yes, we cried some more.

4 p.m.

Unload the car and start moving centrepieces, etc into the restaurant. There are no tablecloths on the tables. Even with the beautiful flowers, it doesn't work. Ask about the cloths. They would've been ordered in and weren't. Ok. At this point, turning into a Bridezilla might've happened. But not to HRG. Despite the river of tears that flowed from my eyes all day, this little snafu was quickly dealt with. Off to my store we go. Within minutes, and with a flurry of activity, the cloths were found, purchased and we were outta there. Once again breaking land speed records to get back to Glo, we arrived, cloths in hand, ready to finish the decorating. The staff were amazing. They insisted we go get ready to get married, let them take care of this for us. No wasn't an optional answer. I decide I love them.

Then I cried some more.

5:30 p.m.

Back here, let the primping of four people begin. TCB decides he doesn't want me to see him in his wedding finery, so HRG is banished to the bathroom. There I artfully and skillfully apply make up. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm trying desperately to take 10 years off this face. Good thing I'd hid that spatula in the drawer.

7 p.m.

The men are gone. Off to pick up the cakes, then to Glo to greet our guests.
MM and I enjoy some quiet time. I cry some more (because you know, I haven't cried nearly enough today). My critter appears, camera in hand, ready to accompany his Mum. We do the picture thing. Suddenly it's time to call a cab and go.

I wonder if we have to tell the cab company there will be three people and a bajillion tummy butterflies riding with that driver.

8:15 p.m.

Resplendent in shimmering cape, HRG and her entourage arrive. The wind is so strong, it almost lifted me off my feet as it blew me backwards.

And all I could think was: "damn, there goes the money spent on getting my hair done today".

Then into Glo we go. Walk into the lounge area where our reception will be. The tablecloths and everything are perfect. And...oh my gawd, there are people there. Lots of them. Suddenly I'm very nervous again.

I remember nothing until......

9 p.m.

It's time. Our guests have made their way out the spot, shielded slightly from the wind by the beautiful willow trees. Strains of Amanda Marshall's "Marry Me"" can be heard. Inside TCB and I share one last quiet moment, then binding our wrists together with a simple red silk ribbon, we join hands and begin the walk towards the rest of our lives.

9:21 p.m.

As the sun sets on Solstice, we are joined together for eternity.

And then we Snoopy Danced.

The rest of the nite is more or less a blur for HRG. There are flashes of conversations, moments spent with friends, but to be honest babies, there's so much I don't remember.

Thankfully there are three videos and pictures.

The picture count? Over a thousand and counting.

Now would be a good time to buy stock in HP photo paper and ink.

Trust me.

HRG

One Week Later

2008-06-28T09:43:00.000-07:00

The one who swore she'd never ever EVER wear another wedding ring, the Queen of the Commitmentphobes is still smiling and glowing and finding it all a little too good to be true.

That, or it's just that the shock of actually doing it hasn't worn off yet.

Yeah. Yeah, that's it.

You know my babies, there is an entire week of my life that seems so surreal. It was like being enveloped by a warm cloud. Disconnected is a good word to describe it. In a good way. Oh, there was the occasional glimpse of something dark and nasty, but HRG made damn sure everyone was protected from it's ugliness. Casting all those negative-energy spells was exhausting, but necessary. If it had dared to even try to rear it's ugly head again, there would've been no choice but to bring out the big guns. The wooden spoon. HRG is well trained in the art of wielding The Spoon. And she's not afraid to use it.

But back to happier things, yes?

Mystery Mama arrived late, once again "detained" at customs. Maybe it's because she's so beautiful and looks like a gangster's moll. Or maybe it had something to do with her entourage jumping up and down dockside, yelling things such as: "throw over your suitcase" and "jump, jump!" We could stay long enough to hug and cry the first of many many happy tears, then TCB and I broke land speed records to be on the other side of the city to meet with the fine man who'd agreed to bear witness to something even seasoned bookies wouldn't touch. The meeting was great, he got our sense of humour and desire for a more Pagan ceremony. He wrote it for us and it was perfect.

In retrospect, taking the week before the nuptials off would've been the smarter thing. Staying focused at work? Impossible. Walking in a circle like the heel of one of my many pairs of stilettos was stuck in the floor was pretty much how it went. By Wednesday afternoon, I was a basket case and was summarily sent home to await the arrival of both Mystery Mama and my Dad.

The hi-lite of that day? Seeing the gianormous smiles of joy when HB opened the door to see Dad standing there. More tears of happiness. Surprising each other didn't go quite the way I'd planned, but sometimes The Fates step in and change things up a little. It was a quick, but happy reunion. They did get to see each other several times after which was fabulous.

Thursday was spent in the hands of a Goddess. MM and HRG lolled about and had a girly day. For the record, our hair was beyond fabulous. MM was eyed in the most lascivious manner as we left. That guy obviously thought she was all that AND a bag of chips. She is. I just wish she'd see herself the way others do.

Thursday nite was a time to show off. Er, I mean, it was our stags. Thankfully, a job interview kept TCB from being annihilated and a good time was had by all. Even Dad, who thinks Frank Sinatra is god and that no other kind of music should be allowed to exist, stayed the entire nite and honestly enjoyed himself. He came out of it with an appreciation for the musicianship behind the evil "rock and roll". He had to. His little girl sings it. My staff respected my wishes for no shower or fuss, but were not about to let me get away without wearing the silly hat.

So they made me a headpiece and a sash. Because they're so caring. I should mention that both were comprised of yellow warning ribbon that had the would caution printed in big black letters. Yes I wore it the whole nite. Even onstage. It was fun actually, and playing it up even more so.

Oh something else happened on Thursday. The baker who was supposed to make our wedding cake hadn't been in touch. Feeling a little nervous, and after leaving yet another message, I made a mental note to hit our local grocery store's bakery if we had to. (more on that a little later).

(this post is jumping all over the place, but you know babies, I'm still doing that myself. Thanks for bearing with me)

In the blink of an eye, Friday arrived. The day before the big event. There were last minute details to be attended to. The noon deadline for the cake came and went. No matter. Off to store we went. No big drama, no frantic pacing, crying and wondering what we were going to do now. A few minutes with the outstanding staff there and problem solved. We chose two cheesecakes and a tiramisu. They were amazing. And half the cost the other baker would've charged.

To be honest, I really can't recall what else we did that day. Flowers--we chose daisies in all kinds of vibrant and fun colors. Cakes. Done. Rings, etc. Yup. After a huge chinese food feast, MM painted glitter on HRG's toes while TCB and Dad wrapped up the truffles (made by HRG and hand rolled with MM) and little candies into cute little boxes. It was funny watching two Virgos debate the merits of weighing the candies as opposed to counting out equal amounts of each. It was hard to resist the urge to arbitrarily yell out numbers as they counted candies into little piles. Watching two grown men tie little pieces of colorful ribbon around candy-filled circles of tulle and then stuffing them into little boxes was amusing to say the least. That they were so into that little project was, however, a little disconcerting.

Knowing sleep would be elusive, HRG paid homage to he who is Tommy Chong. Enter the Sandman.

It was a dream-filled sleep. I woke happy and not feeling as nervous as I thought I'd be.

Then it hit me. I made coffee, remembering to put the filter in the basket. The freshly ground coffee remained in the grinder. Look how pretty I am.
Dad sat out on the balcony with me, trying to have the father-daughter talk.

That's when the first tears fell. Like any other girl, of course my eyes leak often, but usually not in situations like this. Not crying was suddenly not an option. I cried at home, cried at the stylist's..... Actually, it struck me as funny there. When one starts crying, we all do. So here's HRG, surrounded by four stylists, we're all crying. I could just picture the look on the face of the person who walked into the salon at that moment. Especially if they'd never been there before. Four women with scissors and hot irons in their hands, one woman wrapped in a black cape. And they're all crying. Yeah, I'd be afraid too.

Then it was home to change into something nice and then off to watch the youngest critter smile and she walked across the stage, the high school student in her fading with every step taken towards the beginning of her life. We clapped and hooted and cheered. And cried.

And no one did anything to mar the declared Day of Happiness.

Which is a good thing.

Because there is always, always a wooden spoon close by.

HRG

The Voice of a Generation

2008-06-23T08:30:00.000-07:00

....has been lost.

George Carlin passed away suddenly and unexpectedly last nite. He was 71. But you know babies, that was just a number, he was ageless, timeless. He was on a very short list of those who wielded words like swords. Comedy didn't have to be infantile and juvenile, he proved that.

He was smart. No, make that brilliant. Anyone who could convince a generation of pot smokers to pick up a newspaper, to educate themselves, to get involved, to make a difference, well, they should be a national icon. Always on the cutting edge, not afraid to expose the leathery underbelly of the Father Knows Best crowd, George Carlin made us look at ourselves and the world around us. His timing was impeccable, his near psychic ability to read his audiences and tell them what they didn't even know they needed to hear was a talent very few possess. He delivered his messages in the guise of comedy, then he'd shrug in his Carlin way, wink and remind you not to shoot the messenger.

His Seven Words routine will go down in history as one of the most important First Amendment challenges. He called it like he saw it. At the time it was perfectly fine to beat your wife and kids. Your government could randomly select your sons and send them to their premature graves in Vietnam. So, in the only way he knew to get people's attention, he made a point. A very valid one. It worked.

Read about him for yourselves babies. In doing so, you'll find there was so much more to this intelligent, complex man.

Here's hoping the Hippy Dippy Weatherman gets an eternity of Hippy Dippy Weather, Man.

He deserves nothing less.

HRG

Woke Up This Morning

2008-06-22T08:50:00.002-07:00

...and something happened.....

I woke up married.

Yes. Yes I did.

Much fun/laughter/food/wine/merriment was had by all. The day had it's usual pre-wedding hiccups, I had a teeny weeny tiny "hollywood" moment probably due to lack of food and feeling a little pressured, but it was gone in a flash and all was well.

Actually, it was perfect and fun.

And then we Snoopy Danced.

More on that later.

HRG

The Last Post

2008-06-21T09:05:00.000-07:00

......oooh doesn't that sound ominous?

Relax my babies, HRG would never abandon her loyal reader(s). It's my last post as an unmarried woman.

It won't be a long post. I'd hoped for time alone to collect my thought this morning, but alas, with an apartment full of people, it's not possible.

It's an important day not only for HRG but for HB's youngest critter. It's her graduation day. We will be in the stands, proud smiles beaming, as we watch our baby don cap and gown and make those first steps towards adulthood. And no one, and I mean no one had better do anything to upset this day.

I officially decree this a day of happiness!!

HRG

Wot's This?

2008-06-18T16:13:00.002-07:00

The previous, and, I might add, freakin' hilarious post brought forth no witty replies?

Tsk tsk tsk....

HRG

Warnings

2008-06-14T19:49:00.001-07:00

The warning on my cigarette package says that smoking causes impotence.

Good thing I don't have a penis.

HRG

Am I Ready For This?

2008-06-08T06:44:00.002-07:00

Good morning babies! It's been ages since my last post, I know. Wouldn't it be cool if we could record our thoughts as they pop up without looking like a dork? Blue Tooth has everyone walking around talking to themselves--looking like dorks. I rest my case. Point is, writing these great posts in my head while walking to work is easy. Remembering what they were and having the privacy to write them at the end of the day are an entirely different thing. Alone time has been relegated to Sunday mornings for an hour or two. I miss alone time.

Which brings me to this. A question that's been asked a bajillion times.

Am I ready for this?

Fear and Doubt still hover in the perimeter of my heart. Not silent, but far less vocal than before. The door remains closed, windows nailed shut, yet still they conjure up ghosts from days long gone. They whisper "remember what happened whens". I've learned ignore them. Well mostly.

It's different this time. I'm different now. Lessons have been learned, lumps taken. After breaking a few hearts and having mine smashed into a million pieces a million times, I've finally learned that letting someone love you is the trick. It's a hard thing to do. Loving someone is easy. Allowing someone to love you back is like climbing Mount Everest--with thinner air.
It means being vulnerable. It means trusting someone with all your secrets.

Given my history, can I really do this? The last time it was this good, I fucked it up in a big way. I stopped blaming it entirely on the booze and accepted my responsibility for it a long time ago. Funny thing, when I finally forgave myself, TCB appeared. I no longer put myself into situations where alcohol and bad judgement become drinking buddies. These days it's more fun to sing like a rock star than party like one.

What I do know is that this is warm and comfortable and happy and safe.

Thanks for listening babies. I think I answered my own question. Yes. I am ready for this.

HRG

Stuff and Junk

2008-05-25T18:50:00.000-07:00

Hello babies! Has everyone been basking in the sun? Sadly, HRG has not been. Yesterday was particularly gorgeous. Or so each and every customer who came in to the store told us.

And that's when I shot them, Your Honor.

Today was ok, but it too was spent inside, doing that Sunday stuff that couples do on Sundays. The Stupidstore was full of the same kind of people. She, driving the cart of course, going down each and every aisle, wanting to actually look at and maybe even (gasp!) touch things. Him shuffling obediently behind, eyes glazed over, exchanging silent pleas for help with the other sad, helpless men. The silent message screams "get me out of here", but there is no one to save the day. Even Superman is trailing behind Lois. They're all doing the Supermarket Sunday Shuffle.

It's our revenge fellas. No matter how cute a boy you are, you still must dance the dance. Yes. Yes you must.

Last weekend was a long one for those of us north of the 49th. Yes, HRG did manage to conjure up just the right spell and took the entire three days off. They were busy, full of music and time together. We played what was undoubtedly the best jam set we've ever played. It was dead on and good. Just to keep The Rockstar on his toes, HRG did pull an oldie out of her hat (at the request of the drummer who shall from this day forward be known as HTD--Hottie The Drummer) TRS knew the song, but drew a blank, so the first verse was done solo, a capella if you will. He wasn't getting out of it that easily. The last words I heard him say were "oh, she is nasty". And we nailed the song. The bar went wild, we left the stage triumphant. Maybe that sounds silly, but validation, even after all these years, really does mean something.

HRG was on a roll. Her ego had just had an appetizer, now it prowled hungrily for the main course. Of course, there he was. All 6'5" of tousled haired, blue eyed, blue jeaned, guitar player. There may be one or two of you who know HRG has a bit of a soft spot for blue-eyed, blue jeaned guitar players. This one has light brown hair, naturally sun bleached. Oh, and no weight problem. But I digress.....

Where was I? Oh yeah. HTGP. I forgot to mention that TCB played a set with HTGP. Later it was pointed out that TCB said "that's my wife" when asked if he knew who I was. I am not his wife. Not yet. That he was a little bit jealous felt kind of good. It was too late anyway. HTGP took one look at HRG and it was all over. When we came off stage after our set, the look was plain as day. He thought HRG was all that AND a bag of chips.

TCB was determined to meet up with mutual friend and his friends at another bar, later the same nite. HTGP was most definitely pleased to know we'd be gracing our fans with a rare appearance. HRG tried everything to talk TCB out of going. Wait a minute. The sex card wasn't played. Dammit. HRG will know better next time. You see, there's always a next time.

You know babies, in another life, battling the demons that surfaced wouldn't have been an option. Hell no, they'd have been invited along for the ride. Yee haw boys, we're gonna have us a good old time! But now? Yes, the demons surfaced. A hard battle was fought. HRG emerged victorious. We went, a verbal line in the sand was drawn, one never to be crossed and a good time was had by all.

Would someone care to tell me when I became a grown up?

And does that mean I don't have to wear my footie jammies anymore?

HRG

Finally....a long weekend

2008-05-17T08:50:00.000-07:00

Good morning my babies! Is everyone ready for the beach? It's already hot here, with the promise of the best day we've had in almost a year. The original plan was the spend the day at Gordon Bay (HRG's most favorite place to relax and avoid tan lines). TCB is on call. No up island beach trips this weekend. No matter. I don't care what we do, just as long as we spend it outside in the sun. My very white body is screaming for some natural color. Now, to find someplace discreet so there are no offending tan lines.....

Never having been as lucky as The Furry One when it comes to winning radio contests, HRG has won not one but two over the past three weeks. From the same station. One was a gift card for the mall I work in. That was spent in my store. On some really cool bowls. The second? Oh babies, we saw The Stones last nite!!!!

Ok, so it wasn't them live, but it was close enough and it was amazing. Martin Scorcese has done a bio-pic called Shine The Light. See it. On a really really big screen.

Keith Richards still looks like a zombie who only comes to life when plugged into his guitar. Every line and scar on his face tell a different story. When put together it was a pretty cool read. It was hard not to laugh out loud when Jagger was doing his strut. Come on Mick, I get the energy, I do understand the whole aging in rock years thing, but really, those little girls strategically placed in the first row are about the same age as your daughter. Make that your granddaughter. Still, it was pretty cool, and not one of them has lost their chops. There were guest appearances, most notably by Buddy Guy and Jack White. All in all very well done. Definitely worth the price of admission. Ok, since our tickets were free, maybe that's not the best recommendation, but we'd have paid full price to see it anyway.
On our way in TCB commented that he really wasn't all that much of a fan. He was singing a different tune when we spilled out of the iMax into the still, warm nite.

Speaking of TCB, it's time to haul his ass outta bed and get a head start on our day. The sun and the sand beckon.

I only wish I had the first few chapters from a book written by a soon to be famous author to read.

I guess lazing in the sun in my 'nuffins will have to suffice.

HRG

Sometimes She Cries (reprise)

2008-05-11T18:37:00.000-07:00

Hello babies. Happy Mother's Day to those who are Moms. To those who aren't, here's hoping you did something, anything, to honor your Mum, even if it were just something to honor her memory.

Thank you to HB and Mystery Mama for being the only two to wish me a happy day. Not a word from J. Nothing from TCB. Not a card, or flowers or even a fucking acknowledgement of the day. Ah well, what's HRG to do? I'll wallow a bit, then move on. Tomorrow is another day.

I already feel sick to my stomach. When I went in to bring flowers to my staff, I learned the girl just hired won't be starting tomorrow after all. Seems she decided to take another job. Thing is, she really sold herself for this job and I'm disappointed. A little worried too, but it'll sort itself out. There's another resume on my desk, so send a little positive energy this way ok? Maybe it'll be enough to hire her.

If I stay focused on the positive, tomorrow will start nicely. Not a word about being worried about staff, not a moment when anyone would even entertain the thought that I was not in control of the situation. Even if I am falling without a net, it's alright just as long as no one sees it happening.
Presentation is everything. Right?

Right?

HRG

The Thoughts In My Head

2008-05-09T18:48:00.000-07:00

Hello babies! Yes, it is I, your ever humble HRG, returning to the land of the living. The trip to the dentist was actually enjoyable. Wow. Who actually looks forward to a double root canal???? I told you the pain was making me crazy. My dentist is a good guy, his hygienist is hilarious, and laying in the chair, listening to the two of them banter was like having my own personal comedy show. I left pain free for the first time in fourteen very long days, walked home in the sunshine, feeling pretty damn good.

Then the freezing came out.

Today I went to work.

Onto other things. There's more to Nina's story:

Stephanie Bird (remember that name) was sentenced to (gasp!) TWELVE whole years in jail for Nina's violent and senseless murder. Apparently the judge not only HAD to take into consideration her age, background and yes, aboriginal status, but she also believed a "heartfelt" apology written to Nina's family. It is a small victory that Stephanie Bird was named in open court, the publication ban on her name lifted forever. It's out there. It can never be denied or put away. I hope it haunts her the rest of her miserable life. It's not in my nature to wish such suffering and pain on people, but there's something about this whole case that has held my attention from the beginning. I can't explain it. Maybe it was the futile hope that if enough people paid attention, channeled energies, maybe, just maybe, there'd be justice for Nina. Twelve years is not justice.

Crown is appealing the sentence. I hope they win. I'll keep you posted.

HRG

Her Name Was Nina

2008-05-04T10:37:00.000-07:00

.........and she was 13 years old.

Three years ago she was lured away from a mall. Sadly, the truth is she wasn't lured away at all. She was chosen by a group of late teens/early twenties. They wanted to kill someone. Anyone. Didn't matter who. So they randomly chose her. They convinced her to go to a bush party with them.

Then they beat, repeatedly raped her in the most horrific of ways, mutilated and then killed her.

Her name was Nina. She was 13 years old.

All but one involved has been sentenced. It's this last one that has my blood boiling.

I hate it when the race card is played. Two sets of rules should absolutely NOT exist! And yet this girl's lawyer seems to have a deck full of them.

Yes. You read it right. Girl. She was 17 at the time, and now her lawyer is arguing that she doesn't deserve federal jail time. Oh sure, she was the one who did the talking to Nina. She was the one who convinced her to go to the "party". She was the one who struck the first blow to Nina's head. With a lead pipe. She held Nina down while she was repeatedly assaulted and tortured. She helped murder her. Then she helped hide the body. And then she helped cover up the crime.

According to her lawyer, here's why she doesn't deserve to go to jail for life:

"Colleen Connolly, argued that the woman's youth and her status as an aboriginal must be considered. The woman is 20 now, but was 17 at the time of the crime. Her aboriginal mother was a drunk. The woman was sexually abused as a young child. Connolly asked for a seven-to-11-year sentence, and that the woman be given as much as double credit for the three years she has already spent in custody."The imposition of a life sentence is rare," Connolly said."

WTF? Since when does someone's race come into play? If a caucasian kid had been involved in Nina's death, there would be screams of racism, it would be made into a hate crime. What fucking difference does the race of the murderer make? Special consideration for being First Nations? Give me a break. What this "young woman" participated in was of her own choice--she has shown no remorse for her actions. That was pointed out by several court appointed psychiatrists. The defence declined to call their own experts to the stand. What does that tell you?

Oh but wait, there's more:

"Connolly has asked the court to impose a permanent publication ban, so that the woman's name will never be known to the public.
If the young woman is named, Connolly said that would possibly upset her drug rehabilitation and haunt her wherever she goes. "She is always going to be (the one) who committed the golf course murder who took Nina Courtepatte's life."

Because lord forbid she actually be held RESPONSIBLE for her heinous crime. And it certainly wouldn't be fair to upset her, now would it? No no no no no. It wasn't her fault really. See? Here's the race card. Fifty two of them actually.

I don't give a rat's ass what color her skin is. That remorseless bitch should be locked up for life. None of this Karla Holmoka deal bullshit either. The race card should be burned, the door locked, the key thrown away. Do the crime, do the time.

For the record, Nina was First Nations. What "special considerations" were shown to her?

Her name was Nina. She was 13 years old.

HRG

Grease Is The Word

2008-05-04T08:55:00.000-07:00

Good Morning my babies! The sun is shining, the birds are singing, why I do believe it's actually a spring day here on Fantasy Island.

TCB and HRG spent last nite at the theatre and it was time well spent. We went to watch HB's youngest kidlet strut her stuff, and it was fabulous! Grease is quite an undertaking for a high school production, but the kids pulled it off and did a damn fine job of it. She was Jan, one of legendary Pink Ladies, and my niece or not, she was very very good. Her timing is so good, the deadpan looks were dead on, and the whole thing was fun. And know something else babies? GRG was one very proud papa and husband. I can only hope that in 26 years, TCB looks at me the way GRG looks at HB.

And yes Mystery Mama, I saw DTVCB. His furry sidekick was there too, but I didn't see her at all. I smiled a really genuine smile, waved and then we left. This was "Jan's" nite and no way was I going to let anything negative come into play. I was happy to see him, even though HRG has been considered dead to him ever since the whole Thanksgiving thing. That remains his issue, not mine, not Mystery Mama's or HB's. It still makes my heart sad to think that someone would throw away a perfectly good friendship over something as inane as who paid for an airline ticket. Still, I wish them both well and hope they both find the happiness they deserve.

And that's all I have to say about that.

HRG

The Deep End of The Pool

2008-05-03T10:29:00.000-07:00

Hello my babies! Another rainy Saturday begins. It was wonderful to spend some time with Mystery Mama this morning, so she is officially forgiven for vibing me awake for a play date.

If only this dull, throbbing pain would stop, life would be pretty damn good these days. It sucks. I brush, floss, chew sugar free gum constantly and yet somehow still end up facing a double root canal. It's something I'm actually looking forward to. Anything to make the pain go away. Five sleeps and counting.

Because hot things really make it worse, HRG has abandoned her morning ritual of a Grande long, extra shot, no room Americano. Not one to want to feel responsible for a sudden drop in profit at her particular Buckstarz, HRG has discovered a new favorite. Non sweet iced green tea lemonade with a shot of sugar free melon flavor. Try it babies, it's refreshing and fabulous. (gawd, that sounded like a commercial for them.)

It did throw the staff for a bit of a loop at first. I have had the same drink every work morning for over three years. It's always ready by the time I get to the till. I know their names, details of their lives--really, if you're seeing the same people every single day, don't you think you should take some time to get to know them? Some want to come to our wedding. My favorite barista wants to be our flower girl. (so, STW, seems we're kindred spirits in that way. Except for the whole flower girl thing. Although you know, I haven't completely caught up with your whole blog, so who knows, you could be there by now)

The almost cold turkey approach to coffee and caffeine was a bit dicey at first, admittedly I might've been a little sensitive. Just a little.
I felt it, flew under the radar for a couple of days and got through it without alienating anyone. Work was great, not only did we meet monthly projections, we also made up the shortfall for the first quarter. Oh and we made a comfortable margin on top of that. It made me feel better.

That and bi-polar man who signs my paycheque is away for ten days.

A fitting reward.

There's more to say, and involves actually going into the deep end of the pool. It's not about cute boys or shoes or anything like that. I have it almost worked out in my head. (there's your teaser for tomorrow's post)

For now tho, TCB is still in bed and I do believe I shall join him.

HRG

A Pop Quiz

2008-05-02T18:23:00.003-07:00

How sad is it when you call your favorite take out place and they ask how you are because you didn't order last Friday?

This is my life.....this is my life...this is my life....my life.....

HRG