Monday Monday

...feels like Sunday.  Long weekends do that to you.  So many invitations filled HRG's calendar.  Parties everywhere.  Music.  Food.  Friends. Fun.  And that babies, is exactly how it was.  The best gatherings are the last minute, throw together ones aren't they?  This one was.  Food for the soul was served and heartily devoured.  It was, in short, fabulous.  My Goddess knew I needed it.  Big time. 

It's been a grade school sand throwing as of late, frustrating me so much that a mother-may-I-take-another-gianormous-step-backwards request was made and granted. If your always faithful and loving HRG could have anything, anything at all, this would be it:

I'd never want for money
I'd never want for friends
I wouldn't have to make excuses
For the shape that I'm in.

That would be perfect.  I'm tired of having to be almost apologetic for being in shape.  A married woman and all.  And at my age!  What is HRG trying to prove?  If you feel bad about yourself, I will always lend an ear, be your cheerleader and encourage a healthy lifestyle.  I will remind you to judge yourself by your accomplishments, not your dress size. Why instead take your insecurities and throw them at me?  How is it MY fault that you're unhappy with your body?  It's not my fault.  I have nothing to prove.  I am who I am.  It makes me happy, TCB loves the fun and flirty person I used to be before all this silliness began.  Hitting that milestone this year gave my balls back.  I'm tired of trying to hide, tired of trying to melt into the background so as not to upset anyone, tired of dressing down, tired of pushing who I am down.  I've done enough of that in my life.  The people who are my friends, who believe the best in me first, who don't automatically assume I would've said and/or done something horrible simply because someone else told them I did, well babies, they get my time, my attention.  The others simply aren't worth the energy it takes to banish them. 

There is one question to be asked.  I would always believe the best in those allowed close.  I would never think that anyone I call a friend would say or do anything mean or nasty to hurt anyone.  My first thought would be "no, they'd never do that!"  And then I'd get to bottom of it right away.  Why then would you not think the same of me?

Knowing there are people who's only exercise comes from jumping to conclusions and flying off the handle makes me sad babies, it truly does.  But you know, I realize that this is their problem, not mine. I can't fix it for you at my own expense.

I have better things to spend my money on.

Like shoes.

Groovily yours,

HRG

There's A Price To Be Paid For Being Yourself

...and sometimes babies, sad as it can be, it is money well spent.

This year I took control of my life, drew the line in the sand and starting standing up for myself again. Some people have a serious problem with that.  It makes this groovy old heart hurt, in a big way.  But that's ok.  Life can't be sunshine and smiles all the time.  That only happens on sitcoms. (side note:  Chuck Lorre, wtf are you thinking?  Ashton Kutcher?  Seriously?  Put the bong down and please please please rethink this)

I've been trying to come up with the right words, then my play list gave them to me.

So you think you're a winner
But you're losing points with every word you toss
And if you're only human
What gives you the right to be nailin' me up here on your cross?

Couldn't have said it better myself.

HRG

Songs On A Sunday Morning

You know babies, sometimes the only way I can express myself is through music, more specifically, lyrics.  They trigger emotions I try so hard to dismiss.  I'm learning that's not a bad thing. What do you say we have a coffee or two and see where the play list takes us? 

"Time cast a spell on you but you won't forget me
I know I could've loved you but you would not let me
I'll follow you down til the sound of my voice will haunt you
You'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loved you
Was I just a fool?"

My reunion with Krusty, such as it was, was short and sweet.  Playing with him again brought so much out of both of us, and true to form, neither of us had to say a word.  We let the music say everything that had already been said, and everything that hadn't been and needed to be. We make the choices we make, I understand now.  We've come full circle and can be friends again.  I've missed that bantering, the easiness of working together.  Yes, I know it will never be the same, but that's the point.  It's not supposed to be.  What happens remains to be seen, and if anything, it'll be an interesting watch, don't you think?

You'll all have a front row seat.  Isn't that exciting?!

"I have a lover who loves me
How could I break such a heart?
Yet still you beg my attention"

Saw HTBP not long ago.  Happy looks good on him, it truly does.  But babies, when he looked at me, well, the ego feed was fabulous.  And that's all we need to say about that.

"I'm alright, I'm alright, it only hurts when I breathe."

Fear and Doubt moved in, lock, stock and barrel.  "Oh sure" they whisper "he says you can trust him, but can you really?  Look what happened the last time."  It's up to me to come back, let my guard down and toss the unwanted heart guests out on their collective asses.  I think I'm almost there.  The stones around my heart are heavy.

Good thing these groovy old arms are strong, isn't it babies?

HRG

And NOW You Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful?

...seriously? 

Your insecurities are not my fault.  Deal with them.

HRG